


Guns Blazing

by DestielHardcoreLove



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Zombies, BAMF Jessica, Destiel - Freeform, F/F, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Gen, M/M, Nerd Castiel, Past Rape/Non-con, Slow Burn, Zombie Apocalypse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-27
Updated: 2017-08-21
Packaged: 2018-02-22 21:58:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 23
Words: 62,189
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2523212
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DestielHardcoreLove/pseuds/DestielHardcoreLove
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The world around them is going all to hell and all Dean wants is to find his best friend Castiel.</p><p>Slow build, eventual Destiel.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Warnings** : Violence, gore, canon death

 

* * *

 

_We repeat, this is not a drill nor is it a hoax, the dead are rising! Remain indoors where it is safe, do not go outside. The CDC and our armed forces are doing all they can to rectify this situation!_

 

_We repeat, this is not a drill....._

 

 

The door slammed shut and Dean jerked, pulling his body away from the window where he had been keeping watch for his father's truck. There was a thunder of noise and his door was suddenly kicked in revealing his father. John stared at him, his face tight with distress. It took a second but Dean finally saw the blotches of blood on his father's shirt and pants.

 

“Dad...”

 

“We have to go...we need to get up to your Uncle Bobby's cabin...grab only what you need Dean...we have to go now! Grab your brother and get outside!” John cried before rushing out. Dean swallowed down the spike of fear as his cell phone rang on his desk.

 

“Hello?” he asked as he ran around his room, shoving clothes into his duffel bags. He was never more glad than he was now that his father and uncle were slight survivalists...that they had weapons and the cabin was stocked full of food. Even a safe room in the basement that could fit a dozen people.

 

“Dean? Oh thank god! Dean....you...help...”

 

“Cas? Oh fuck are you OK? Cas? CASTIEL!” Dean shouted. His best friend's voice was breaking but he could hear the muffled cries. There was a shout and something shattered.

 

“CASTIEL! FUCK!” Dean shouted again as the phone was disconnected. Castiel lived in the city with his family...heavily populated and those...things were going to be everywhere. He swallowed down the sob breaking through his throat, slamming his fist down on the desk.

 

“Dean! Let's get a move on!” John bellowed. Dean wiped at his face furiously, his eyes catching on the picture of them from the fair just a few months ago. He shook his head, snatching up the picture along with his bags as he tore down the hall. John was pacing, his fingers gripped around a long range walkie talkie that he shared with their uncle. Sam was crying, his shoulders shaking a bit as he took in long shuddering breaths. Dean didn't have to ask...his girlfriend Jess also lived in the city.

 

Kevin and Charlie were huddled together on the couch while the other members of their make shift family hurried around the house for supplies. They were so far out in the country that the threat hadn't made their way towards them.

 

“Dad...” Dean said dropping his bag down next to the already large pile. John ignored him, saying some heated things into the talkie, mostly in code.

 

“Dad!” Dean shouted. John turned to glare at him, his eyes wide with fear. Dean swallowed hard and put his hands out.

 

“I-I have to get Cas....” Dean stammered. John shook his head, his hand gripping onto Dean's faded leather jacket.

 

“No...you are coming with us...end of story,” John demanded. Dean shook his head, taking in a deep breath.

 

“I have to, I can't just leave him Dad...he'll never make it through this,” Dean said pleading his father to understand.

 

“I know he's your friend Dean...but he's in the city...those things are everywhere....you'll never be able to get to him in time,” John said softly. Dean swallowed hard as a tear slid down his cheek. John's chin trembled as he squeezed his shoulder.

 

“You hurry up...you get him and get your asses back to the cabin. Hear me?” John said. Dean nodded and reached to grab his duffel when John stopped him, handing him a different one. It was filled with guns and a small amount of supplies. Dean nodded his thanks and turned to leave but Sam ran in front of him.

 

“Can....can we get Jess?” Sam asked with a quavering voice. Dean nodded and took his brother's arm, hurrying him outside. John shouted but Dean didn't look back, shoving his brother towards the impala.

 

“Wait! Dean!” Ellen cried rushing after them, “You can't take her...she's too loud and will attract those things. Take mine.” She handed him her keys, her fingers tightening around his wrist for a brief second. Dean swallowed hard again, yanking her in close for a hug.

 

“Take care of them...”

 

“You make sure to bring them back with you,” she said cupping the sides of his face. Dean took in a deep breath and hurried towards Ellen's jeep. He sent up a silent thank you that his two favorite women remembered to put the top on. Sam climbed in, his fingers tapping impatiently. Dean tore out of the lot, taking one last look of their family home. He prayed that hopefully one day they'd be able to return to it.

 

Dean drove fast, trying to not let the car bottom out or hit too many holes in the dirt road. He had to slam on the brakes once they reached the highway, there was a huge line of cars horns blaring. Dean cursed, pounding his fists into the steering wheel.

 

“Dean...the back roads. The jeep can take it,” Sam said his breathing becoming heavy. Dean nodded and screeched the car into reverse. The woods surrounding the highway were pretty spread out and he was able to find a hiker's trail to follow. In the distance he could hear gun shots, making his blood run cold. As they got closer to Kansas City they could make out the billows of smoke rising from the buildings.

 

“Dean...fuck...oh god!” Sam cried pointing towards the neighborhood where Jess lived. Dean reached out and gripped his brother's arm, stepping down on the gas. There were people everywhere, screaming and rushing out to their cars. He was about to hit one when he realized it was one of them...one of the dead risen. She looked almost normal, except for the gaping hole in her shoulder. Dean drove around her, wincing when her hands raised to try and grab at the car. Sam was spinning around in his seat, his eyes huge as he glanced around them. He clamped a hand over his mouth to stifle a scream. Dean looked over and felt the bile rise up in his throat. There were a group of them, surrounding someone who was flailing, his screams easily heard even through the closed windows.

 

“Dean...go...hurry,” Sam pleaded. Dean nodded and sped up, not even caring if he hit one of them now. They finally reached Jess's house and scrambled out of the car. Dean grabbed up the duffel before chasing after his brother. The front door was splintered, smears of blood along the door and walls. A feeling of dread squeezing his chest.

 

“Sammy...” Dean whispered. He pulled out one of the guns in the bag, making sure the safety was off as they made their way through the house. Sam cried out when the turned the corner into the kitchen.

 

“Oh my god Dean!” Sam shouted. Dean rushed in front of him and fought of the intense need to throw up. Jess's parents were on the floor, completely destroyed. The back door was broken open and Dean could hear the slight sounds of groaning.

 

“Shh, shh Sammy...come on let's get Jess and get the fuck out of here,” Dean hissed, pushing him towards the stairs. They took two at a time, Sam racing down the hall to throw the door to his girlfriend's door open. Something flew towards his face and Sam ducked, a huge smile on his face as he threw himself at Jess. Dean looked into the room to find the poor girl sobbing into Sam's shoulder, her fingers clinging onto his shirt.

 

“Guys, come on, we gotta get out of here....I think those things are coming in,” Dean demanded. Jess pulled away and nodded, swallowing hard. She threw her long hair up into a bun and reached out to grab her duffel bag. Dean smiled proudly at her, giving her a short hug when she passed him.

 

“Wait...I need to get my bow,” she said hurrying down the hall. Dean almost began to argue with her but changed his mind...the more weapons they had, especially the quieter kind the better. And Jess was a damn good shot. He loved the way his father had stared, dumb struck when the girl hit every bulls-eye with her bad ass recurve bow.

 

“You were never a city girl...” Sam laughed. She had her bow strapped on her shoulder a bag of arrows at her back. She handed Sam her smaller cross bow and forced a smile.

 

“Did you guys get Castiel yet?” she asked holding her hand out towards Dean. He swallowed hard at the mention of his best friend...he was so scared to even think of something happening to him. They had only been friends for a couple of years but it never seemed that way to Dean...or Cas. The second they met it was an instant spark, the best friend status immediate. Cas was timid, shy thing...and would never be able to survive something like this...not even with his great number of siblings.

 

“We're going there now...then we're going to our cabin up north. We need to go now...” Dean said turning to head towards the stairs, Jess's fingers on his arm stopping him short. She raised a finger to her mouth and he strained his hearing. There was a groan from down stairs followed by a shuffle. Dean peered around the corner and sucked in a breath. A few of those things were slowly making their way up the stairs, feet getting caught on the steps. Dean pushed the two of them back into Jess's room, jabbing a finger towards her window.

 

They clambered through and Dean sent a silent thank you to whoever built the house, giving it a pretty flat roof. Dean shimmied down the drain pipe first, catching the bags and weapons so Jess and his brother could jump down. He had just put Jess on her feet when Sam let out a loud curse.

 

“The car! Someone took the fucking car!” Sam cried. Dean rushed around the house and bit back his own curse. He could barely see the living people now...just a herd of the dead. The smart thing would have been to hot wire a car, and speed off towards the mountains. But all he could hear was Cas's scared voice...and that scream. He would never be able to live with himself if he didn't at least try to get to him.

 

“Come on,” Dean hissed, ducking through the yard towards the neighbor's car. There was a tiny twinge of guilt as he broke into the small four door but the trail of blood leading up the front steps was a sure sign they wouldn't be needing it.

 

“Thank god the tanks full,” he grumbled as the other two piled in. He got it started and tore out of the neighborhood....heading even deeper into the city.

 

* * *

“Dean!” Cas screamed into his phone. It had died on him...just like everything else was doing. He had no idea where his siblings were...if they were even OK They had just gotten home from the store when the news interrupted whatever show his sister Anna was watching. There was a brief moment of staring at each other when the first of hundreds of gun shots exploded into the air. His oldest brother Luc shouted at him to run upstairs and hide. His other brother Gabriel ran through the house, locking the doors and moving something heavy in front of it. Castiel had done what he was told, tearing into his room and locked it behind him. The first person he thought of was Dean....if he could get a hold of him, then he would be OK Dean would come and get him...it had taken over an hour for his phone to get through all the busy circuits.

 

Everything had gone to hell outside, people were screaming, shots were firing and even small explosions. There was a crash from down stairs and Castiel flung himself into the closet, clutching his phone to his chest. He could hear shouting, his brothers and even his sister.

 

Then dead silence...he wanted so badly to open his door but he was too scared, his breath catching in his throat. He could only hope that Dean was on his way....that he wouldn't leave him behind. It was overwhelming quiet until something exploded outside making him cry out. He slapped a hand over his mouth trying to control his breathing so he wouldn't hyperventilate.

 

He didn't know how long he had been sitting in his closet but the need to relieve himself and get some water became too much. The door opened with a slight creak as he poked his head out. Nothing...not even so much as a sound. He crawled out, freezing anytime he made a noise or thought he heard something. There was a bat under his bed, something Dean had given him for his birthday last year. He didn’t like baseball, even thought it was boring but it helped his anxiety to grip onto the metal in the middle of the night. Somehow Dean knew...what was he kidding, Dean always knew just what to say or even do to help him calm down. It made him so angry...that he finally found someone that understood his peculiar ways and now he was going to loose it? To some, stupid Zombie apocalypse?

 

Castiel grumbled under his breath and snatched up the bat, sinking down to his butt to lean up against his bed. He had to keep positive...that Dean wouldn't leave him. Castiel got to his feet and took a deep breath, pushing up his glasses just before reaching out for his door handle. Once again he was met with silence and that terrified him. Where were his siblings? He tentatively stepped out Into the hallway, his knuckles turning white from his grip around the bat. He was just about to reach the stairs when he heard it...the moaning. At first he wanted to throw something at Gabriel for being so disgusting in a time like this but when he looked over the railing his words stuck in his throat. He couldn't count how many of those things were down there but the entire down stairs was destroyed.

 

“Oh my god...” he hissed clamping a hand over his mouth. There was no way he could make it through them. He backed away slowly, disappearing into the bathroom as quietly as he could. It wasn't the right time but he wasn't about to wet himself. He stared at himself for a long time in the mirror, his eyes wide and wet with fear. How was Dean going to find him? Or get through that? Maybe he should just try leaving...sneak out through his balcony like he had so many times before with Dean. He finished up in the bathroom, making sure to not flush the toilet or make any loud sudden noises as he slipped out.

 

There was a scuffling noise from behind him. He froze and turned around slowly, screaming out as he tripped over his own feet, landing hard on his backside. Luc...his oldest brother was stumbling towards him...his skin a grayish tinge with a large chunk missing from his neck.

 

“Luc?” Castiel whispered thickly, tears steadily making tracks down his cheeks. Luc continued to amble towards him, no look of recognition towards his name. There were more noises behind him and he gasped when the ones from downstairs started to climb up. He scrambled up to his feet and sobbed as he pushed Luc out of the way, careful to avoid grabby hands. He couldn't hide in his room, they would most likely just break down the door.

 

“Castiel! Over here!” he cried out and looked towards the voice, a wave of relief coursing over him when he saw Anna. She was waving her arms furiously towards him and he took off, the growls and moaning getting louder. He took a glance behind him and was glad he had relieved himself...the hallway was crowded with those things...his brother in the front reaching out for him.

 

“Hurry!” Anna shouted, grabbing his shirt and yanking him towards the stairs leading up to the attic. They slammed the door shut behind them and Anna was pulling him again up the stairs. Castiel jumped when the things started to pound against the wood and he knew that it wouldn't hold them back for long. Before he could voice those fears Anna was pushing one of the dressers towards the stair case, letting out a scream when it finally gave, tumbling down the stairs to block the door.

 

“I'm so glad you're OK!” Castiel cried hugging his sister tightly. She ran her fingers through his hair and shushed him.

 

“Me too...I have no idea what happened to Gabriel but...Luc...he saved me,” she said and bit her bottom lip hard to keep from crying. Castiel nodded hugging his sister again.

 

“We have to find away out of the house...” Anna said wiping at her face.

 

“How? There's no windows...and Dean....Dean will be here soon,” Castiel said looking around the room frantically. Anna scoffed behind and he turned to glare at her. She pushed her red hair up into a tight pony tail and gave him a look of pity.

 

“Cas...I know you love your friend but he won't come here...it's too dangerous. If he was smart, he would get far from here...not come looking for you,” she said walking past him. Castiel swallowed hard and shook his head, refusing to believe that.

 

“No...he's coming. He wouldn't just leave without me...” Castiel said softly moving to sink down on one of the chairs. He just wanted to wake up now...wake up and go to school, see Dean and then snuggle back into his bed. None of this would be real...

 

There was a loud boom and Castiel jerked looking up to see his sister slamming a coat rack against the wall.

 

“Get over here and help me!” Anna shouted. Castiel took in a deep breath and got off the couch, looking for something to help puncture a hole into the wood.

 

* * *

Dean crouched under the bushes, his heart echoing loudly in his ears. They had to leave the car behind, it was attracting too much attention and now they were just outside Castiel's house. There were so many of those things...he had no idea how he was going to even get inside. Sam and Jess were fidgeting next to him, silently voicing all the things he knew...but couldn't bare to hear. He was just about to turn away when a scream broke out from the house. Hope soared through him...Castiel was still in there!

 

He grabbed up one of the knives from his bag along with the pistol he had earlier, “You two cover me...” Dean said. Sam stared at him wide eyed while Jess climbed up one of the trees, her foot kicking at Sam's shoulder.

 

“Let's go!” she hissed. Dean sent a thanks to his father for packing a silencer and handed that one to Sam. His brother opened his mouth to say something but just nodded, taking it before climbing up into the tree with Jess. Dean took in a few breaths and crouched down, trying to keep as low of a profile as he could. If he could make it to their backyard and up to Cas's balcony..he might be able to get in that way. Castiel never locked it anymore so he knew it would be open. He heard a pop and jumped when he saw one of them fall to the ground, one of Jess's arrows buried deep in its skull.

 

“I love that girl,” he said and continued towards the gate. There were two of things trying to push the door open and Dean took out one, thrusting his knife up the back of its head. The other one's head exploded and Dean winced as blood sprayed his face. There was no sound accompanying the shots and he calm himself knowing that his brother and Jess would be OK

 

There were none of those things in the backyard and Dean didn't waste anytime rushing over to the house, quickly climbing up the rose trellis. He carefully avoided the thorns and pulled himself up onto the balcony of Castiel's bedroom. He peaked through the door and quickly dove out of sight of the glass pane. There were a few of them in there...but no sight of his best friend. He couldn't take them all out at once either. He pushed his head against the wall and wracked his brain. There was a booming noise and something cracking. He barely had enough time to dive out of the way of a large piece of crashing down on the balcony, taking out the railing on its way.

 

“What the fuck...” he gasped as the doors to Castiel's room started to push out, the sounds of growling from the other side.

 

“Shit!” he cried hurrying to shove one of the metal chairs under the handles.

 

“Dean!” He heard that familiar voice and he glanced up to see those brilliant blue eyes staring down at him. His face was stained with tears but he looked so relieved. Dean smiled back at him, wanting nothing more than to hug him but the door was starting to give again.

 

“We need to get out of here now!” Dean shouted. Castiel nodded and bit his lip before jumping out of the hole, landing with a hard thud next to him.

 

“Oh...” Castiel whimpered backing away from the doors.

 

“Are you OK?” Dean asked pushing against the door though his arms were protesting. Castiel nodded, his eyes glancing back up. Dean didn't chance a look but saw someone else land beside him, a loud groan following.

 

“I can't believe you're actually this stupid Dean,” Anna panted rising to her feet. Dean gave her a sheepish smile.

 

“What can I say? I don't leave my friends behind,” Dean said. Castiel beamed up at him, the look of sheer happiness completely melting when one of the panes of glass shattered by Dean's arm.

 

“Shit...hurry, climb down,” Dean ordered. Anna didn't even hesitate, quickly throwing her legs over the railing. Castiel looked at him, torn whether to go or stay and help him.

 

“Cas...go...I'll follow I promise, now go!” Dean shouted. Castiel nodded and quickly followed his sister. Dean gritted his teeth before throwing himself away from the door and over the railing. He nearly lost his footing but managed to climb down the trellis without breaking his neck. Before he could even catch his breath Castiel was hugging him tightly, his arms squeezing the breath right out of his lungs. Dean laughed softly, hugging him back with just as much desperation.

 

“OK you two, let's get out of here!” Anna said with a roll of her eyes. Dean nodded and pulled Castiel towards the gate. He wanted to shout out a warning towards her but she already wrenched the gate open, a scream tearing out of her throat as three of those things overwhelmed her. Dean tried to rush to her but one of them already had its teeth locked onto her shoulder. He still wasn't sure how this all worked...but it didn't take a genius to know that a bite wasn't a good thing.

 

“Anna!” Castiel screamed and Dean had to grab at his wrist to keep from going to his sister. Anna locked eyes with him and gave him a quick nod. Dean swallowed hard and pulled Cas away, helping him climb up on one of the tables.

 

“Dean no! We have to help her!” Cas cried, loud hiccuping sobs breaking Dean's heart. He glanced back at Anna who wasn't even struggling anymore.

 

“Go!” she said through gritted teeth. Dean was over the wall in no time, dragging a hysterical Castiel with him.

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

Picking this back up because I was asked so sweetly! This is a bit short!

 

 

* * *

  


Dean all but dragged Castiel away from the house, his best friend choking on his sobs as he tripped on his own feet. When he truly fell, Dean literally hauled him up before diving behind a truck. The anguished noises Cas was making would draw those things closer and Dean had to do something. Cas was prone to anxiety attacks and couldn't calm down himself...especially not after seeing his own sister torn apart. Dean knelt down in front of him, cupping his best friend's face in his hands.

 

“Cas...buddy you need to listen to me okay? Open your eyes...I need you to stop...” Dean said softly, swallowing hard when those bright blue eyes finally settled on him. Castiel swallowed thickly and nodded, his fingers closing around Dean's wrists. Dean helped him count his breaths, placing one of Cas's trembling hands on the side of his neck to feel his pulse. He wasn't much calmer but he had to try, he had to get Cas back on his feet and running...the shuffling was getting louder and Dean was running out of time.

 

“We need to run now okay? Keep your hand locked with mine and don't let go no matter what you see or hear,” Dean demanded and didn't budge until Castiel finally nodded, his glasses slightly slipping down his nose. Dean quickly wiped them off for him and settled them back on his face.

 

“Ready?” he asked. Castiel laced their fingers and squeezed, taking in a long deep breath like he was about to dive under water. There was a loud thunk noise and Dean spun to see one of those things fall, an arrow stuck in its eye socket. Dean gasped, finally realizing just how close the herd was getting to them. He yanked up Castiel without another word and sprinted towards the tree where Sam and Jess were hiding. Castiel kept up with him thank god, the kid was a natural runner and for once he finally listened to Dean.

 

“Sammy! Jess, let's go!” Dean shouted, not once slowing down. The two dropped from the tree and Dean's breath caught in his throat for a brief second when Sam winced but the kid was up and running.

 

“Dean!” Castiel screamed behind him. He looked over his shoulder to see a car flying right at them, no one was driving it. He dove out of the way, pulling Castiel right into his arms as the car careened past them. Dean knew they shouldn't stop but he froze, staring at the thing as it exploded, drawing the creatures right to it.

 

“W-what's going on Dean?” Castiel sniffled into his collar bone. Dean just shook his head, holding him closer as Sam and Jess hurried to them.

 

“We need to get to the car, come on,” Sam said softly, managing somehow to get Dean's attention. He was about to let go of Cas when a hand slammed down on his shoulder. Practically throwing Castiel at Sam, he spun, already aiming his gun right into a very bloody face of Gabriel Novak.

 

“Gabe!” Castiel sobbed, crashing into his brother's arms. Dean made a disgruntled noise when Gabriel held up his hand.

 

“I'm not bit...this is...this was Kali's blood...” Gabriel said with a hard swallow. Dean felt his shoulders slump, shaking his head tiredly. Kali had been Gabriel's girlfriend of nearly 5 years.

 

“Where's Luc and Anna?” Gabriel asked softly, his face twisting when Castiel started to sob. The older brother cursed under his breath and nodded, turning to see that the walking dead was still pretty distracted by the car on fire.

 

“That won't last long...and more of them are going to come...please tell me you have a car?” Gabriel asked. Dean nodded, reaching out for Castiel's hand almost out of the habit. He blushed a bit and went to lower his hand when Castiel actually grabbed for him. Dean felt a rush of relief and pulled him to his side.

 

“Alright...the car isn't too far...then we're going up north to my uncle's cabin. Everyone else is there...unless you guys can think of someone?” Dean asked. The others shook their head but Castiel was clinging so hard to his hand Dean had to look down at him.

 

“What is it Cas?” he asked softly. Castiel wasn't looking at him though, his eyes trained forward and widening with tears. He looked in the same direction and swallowed hard. The entire city seemed to be on fire and as Gabriel had predicted, more of those things were closing in. Dean cursed and without another word, dragged Castiel in the direction of the car.

 

 

* * *

Castiel was so tired, his legs felt numb and every breath he dragged in was like fire and shards of glass against his throat. But he had to keep up, he couldn't be the one to slow them down. When he finally saw the car Castiel groaned with relief, only to frown when he realized that not all of them would fit. Dean didn't care though, just handing the keys to Gabriel before pulling Castiel right down on his lap in the passenger seat.

 

He couldn't help it, he clung onto his bestfriend and hid his face into his neck. Thankfully, Dean only held onto him tighter. Their friendship was so unconventional but he didn't care, not even when his siblings had teased them relentlessly about his clingy behavior. Dean understood him...and took care of him where his entire family acted like he was just a hindrance to their everyday lives.

 

“Shhh Cas, it's okay,” Dean whispered and he hadn't even realized he'd started crying again. God he was such a baby.

 

“How the hell did you get out Gabriel? And how could you just leave him?” Dean asked, his voice low and threatening. Castiel stilled, his eyes prying open to see the angry clench in his brother's jaw.

 

“The second the alarm went off...I helped close up the house but I had to find Kali...but those things were already out there...fucking surrounding her apartment. I thought he'd be safe with Luc and Anna...” Gabriel answered, flashing red rimmed eyes at Dean. Castiel wanted to speak up for him...that it wasn't Gabriel's fault for any of this...that he wasn't some burden to be taken care of.

 

But he was...he always knew that he wasn't assertive like his brother's or even just easy going like Anna. He was shy, introverted...weak. Easily on the verge of tears for any kind of emotion...it was no wonder no one wanted to deal with him. Dean's arms pulled him in closer and he relaxed a little.

 

No one but Dean. This, hard as nails, tough guy that blew into his life two years ago. At first he thought that Dean would be just another bully, but when he had pulled Uriel off him one day at school he had to rethink that whole thing. Dean became his savior...and now bestfriend.

 

“How far is the cabin?” Gabriel asked with a little bit of panic. Castiel took in a deep breath and looked forward, his heart nearly stopping at the dead stopped traffic blocking the highway.

 

“Fuck! We did have a jeep but someone jacked it...” Dean growled, looking around frantically. Castiel spotted a larger car, something that could probably take driving on terrain. From where Castiel was sitting, he could make out that there was no one in it...but there were blood smears on the doors and it made him swallow hard.

 

“Dean,” Castiel whispered, pointing to it. Dean cursed again and took in a deep breath.

 

“Alright, Jess and Sammy keep me covered. Cas, listen to me,” Dean said making him turn so he could cup the sides of his face again. Castiel couldn't help pressing his face into one of his open palms, needing the warmth that was always there.

 

“I need you to grab the bag when it's time, then you run straight to me okay?” he said. Castiel nodded, blinking the tears from his eyes.

 

“Shhh, you're gonna be okay. Just promise me you'll run straight to me...don't stop,” he said with a firmer tone. Castiel nodded again and moved away just enough to let Dean slip out from under him.

 

“Dean...you sure this is a good idea?” Gabriel asked, eyes wide. Dean paused for a second before nodding, snatching up his gun. Before he could leave Castiel gripped his arm, needing one more look at his bestfriend before they were separated again.

 

“The second it's clear, hall ass,” Dean said and clambered out of the car.

 

 

* * *

This was stupid...so, so, so stupid. Those things were everywhere...they were at the tail end of the traffic jam and those poor people in the front and middle had no idea what was coming for them. Dean looked into Castiel's face one more time before he was climbing up on the car's roof, jumping from car to car to avoid as many of them as he could. There was audible pops and thunks of Sam and Jess's weapons and he finally managed to make it to the truck that Cas had pointed too.

 

“Oh shit,” Dean groaned, his stomach churning dangerously when he caught sight of the driver, he had tried to get of the car but those things had gotten to him first. Dean shook his head and pulled the corpse out, trying to avoid the blood as much as possible. He checked the cab to make sure there was no surprises inside and crawled in, closing the door. The keys thankfully were still in the ignition. There was a scream and Dean frantically crawled to the passenger side, his heart hammering in his chest as a few of those things were starting to close in around his group. Dean rolled down the window and started shooting, getting at least the driver side cleared.

 

“Come on!” Dean shouted. Gabriel scrambled out, yanking on Castiel's hand to get him to climb over the console. Jess took the lead while Sam walked backwards...Castiel kept to his promise and tore forward, reaching out for Dean's hand as he threw the door open. He yanked Cas into the car and held his breath as the others quickly got in as well. Once the doors were closed...they finally took in a breath. The truck was huge and could easily take the rough road leading up to the cabin. Castiel clung onto his side and Dean held him close, reveling in the puffs of air along his neck. It was just proof that his best friend was alive.

 

“Holy shit...Dean,” Sam laughed a little breathlessly. Dean craned his head back, his mouth dropping open at the impressive bag of weapons stashed in the back seat.

 

“Can we go please?” Castiel asked with a small voice. Dean couldn't help himself and pressed a comforting kiss onto Castiel's forehead, moving his arm off his shoulders to grip the steering wheel

 

“Dean...you need to move...now,” Gabriel said slowly. Dean looked over at him when he heard it...it was a thunderous noise and he swallowed hard, looking up through the windshield to see a dozen or more helicopters making their way into the city. Dean got the truck moving and crashed through the railing to get onto the dirt road, hauling hass through the trees.

 

At the first resounding boom, Castiel was clutching onto him again and Dean wanted to hug him but he had to keep the truck steady, “Sing Cas...sing one of those lame ass songs I really don't like,” Dean said softly. Castiel shook his head and Dean poked at him.

 

“C'mon...please?” Dean asked, giving him a pouty face when Castiel actually looked up at him. His best friend nodded a bit but refused to move away.

 

_You saw my pain washed out in the rain_

_Broken glass, saw the blood run from my veins_

_But you saw no fault, no cracks in my heart_

_And you knelt beside my hope torn apart_

_But the ghosts that we knew will flicker from view_

_We'll live a long life_

_So give me hope in the darkness that I will see the light_

_'Cause oh that gave me such a fright_

_But I will hold as long as you like_

_Just promise me we'll be alright_

 

Dean swallowed hard at how sweet Castiel's voice was even though the words washed over him like a cold blanket. The path finally evened out enough that he could wrap his arm back around Castiel, pulling him in close. Castiel's head found it's spot right on his collar bone and Dean felt a bit calmer.

 

“We're gonna be okay Cas...I promise,” Dean whispered.

  


* * *

Ghosts That We Knew ~ Mumford and Sons


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alrighty, I'm so glad to have picked up this story again lol.
> 
> So I need some help on what characters you would like to see join our little group?
> 
> I was even thinking of mashing this up with a couple of my other favorite shows...let me know what you think! (I was thinking Orphan Black and Shameless)
> 
> Anyhoos, here we go!
> 
> Warnings: Doing a couple of flashbacks in this so there will be all forms of bullying.

 

* * *

_“Get the fuck off him you prick!”_

_Castiel curled in on himself even tighter, his arms covering his head from the brutal kicks to his body. Even though the attack stopped, he didn't move. Uriel was never alone, his flock always joined in on his beatings. He waited for the name calling to begin again but there was only silence. A choked scream tore out of his throat when a hand gently touched his shoulder._

_“Hey...hey...douche bag took off,” the voice was soothing and Castiel nervously peeked over his arm, swallowing hard at the most earnest eyes he'd ever seen. They were soft and such a bright green Castiel thought he was dreaming for a second._

_“You gonna come out of there?” the guy asked with a slow smile forming on his lips. Castiel actually felt himself smiling back, how could he not? There were little crinkles at the corners of this stranger's eyes and the freckles that lightly dotted over his nose was incredibly adorable. Very slowly he uncurled himself, his head jerking in both directions to make sure that that this wasn't some kind of trap._

_“No one's gonna hurt you...I swear,” his savior said reaching out a hand. Castiel swallowed hard and wrapped his fingers around the waiting palm._

_“Name's Dean,”_

_“C-Castiel...my siblings call me Cassie though,” he stammered, knowing full well there was a blush on his cheeks. It only seemed to make Dean smile even more._

_“Well then Cas...want me to walk you home?”_

_“Yes...please.”_

 

There was a heavy jolt and Castiel's eyes flew open, the dream quickly fading from his mind. He was still leaning against Dean, his head pillowed by a soft shoulder. He had to blink a few times before he realized that his glasses weren't on his face. His mouth opened to ask when something was pressed into his hands. Castiel sighed with relief, slipping them onto his face.

 

“You doin okay buddy?” Dean whispered barely taking his eyes off the road. Castiel nodded, peaking around to see the others passed out. It made him look over his bestfriend carefully. He seemed okay, except for the rapid blinking and the very dark circles under his eyes. Castiel gently touched his shoulder and bit his lip.

 

“Dean...you need a break,” he said. Dean huffed at him, shaking his head as his fingers gripped the steering wheel tighter. Castiel hated arguments...any kind of conflict made him stutter and uncomfortable but for once this was something he couldn't let go.

 

“You're tired...how long have you been driving?” he asked. Dean glanced at him, his facade dropping for a split second allowing Castiel to see just how exhausted he was.

 

“A few hours...I'm okay Cas...”

 

“No you're not....you need to rest. Pull over and let Gabe drive or just stop so you can sleep. I know you hate it when someone else drives...” Castiel offered. Dean's jaw clenched a few times before he finally slowed down. The others didn't even budge when Dean found a dark spot to park the truck into. They made sure that all the doors were locked and the windows were rolled up before Dean slumped down in his seat. Castiel bit his lip watching as Dean squirmed, trying to find a comfortable position.

 

“I can feel you staring at me,” Dean groused, one of his eyes opening to glare at him. Castiel smiled and scooted over, gently pushing Gabe until he rolled over to hug against the door. He glanced at his best friend and patted his leg. Dean stared at him for a moment before shrugging, practically falling down on his thigh.

 

“It's a little better,” Dean grumbled. Castiel leaned back against the seat, waiting for his body to relax and settle with the weight of Dean's head. His fingers found their way into Dean' hair, carding through the still gelled spikes. Dean grumbled something under his breath but Castiel couldn't make out the words. Soon, Dean was snoring, the noise lulling Castiel back to sleep.

 

 

* * *

_“And who are you?” Dean spun around, narrowing his eyes at the sudden appearance of the red head in the kitchen. He saw Castiel shrink a little in the corner of his eye and Dean stopped himself from out right growling. It'd only been a week since their friendship started...but he felt the need deep down in his core to protect Castiel. He knew the kid was different from anyone he had met before. He was used to rough and rowdy...but Cas was so soft and almost fragile. For whatever reason, Dean was drawn to him._

  


_This was the first time he'd been in Castiel's house. After pulling off yet another jackass from beating the shit out of Castiel, his friend had invited him over. Dean couldn't say no...for multiple reasons. And now, there was another one, standing in front of him in the form of a bitchy looking older sister._

  


_“Anna...this is Dean. Dean this is one of my siblings, Anna,” Castiel said softly, handing him a soda. Dean took it but his eyes never wavered from their glare. The girl rolled her eyes and scoffed, practically shoving Castiel out of the way to get into the fridge._

  


_“What the fuck!” Dean glowered. Anna looked at Castiel for a split second before laughing._

  


_“What? Are you his guard dog now? How sweet! Poor little Cassie has a boyfriend!” Anna teased. Castiel shrank further into himself and Dean wanted to open his mouth to yell at her when Castiel damn near tore from the room._

  


_“What the hell is your problem?” Dean growled, snatching up their school bags to follow him. Anna snickered, shaking her head._

  


_“Doesn't it bother you?” she asked stopping him in his tracks. He raised a brow at her, gesturing impatiently with his hand for her to continue._

  


_“Oh! That's so cute...he didn't tell you did he? He's a faggot,” she smirked. Dean dropped the bags back on the floor and strode over to her, grinning when she scrambled into a corner to get away from him._

  


_“Watch your fucking mouth...I may be above hitting a girl but I have some friends who would just love to thrash you. He's your fucking brother, stop being such a cunt to him,” he said, lowering his voice to almost a whisper. Her eyes widened and she was quickly nodding as he stalked away from her, grabbing up the bags again on his way. It took him a few minutes to find Castiel's room and a few more to realize that his new friend had crawled out the window. Dean swallowed hard, nearly tripping on his feet as he ran forward. He gripped the window sill and let out a relieved breath when he saw Castiel sitting on the roof, arms hugging his knees._

  


_Dean hated heights but he managed to crawl out, taking his place next to Castiel. He moved to wrap his arm around him when Castiel flinched, raising red rimmed eyes. Dean frowned deep, shaking his head, needing Castiel to understand that he didn't care. Hell, he didn't even know what he was himself so how could he even begin to give Cas shit for it? Castiel seemed to find the answer he needed, a small smile finding its way on his lips as he hesitantly rested his head on Dean's shoulder._

 

_Bang...Bang...Slap..._

  


Dean groaned, nuzzling his face into his pillow even further. It was softer than he remembered...and smelled different but it was a good different.

  


_Slap....Slap..._

  


“Sammy...shut the fuck up man,” Dean grumbled, pressing his face into his pillow only to freeze. It was moving...what the hell? Why was his pillow....oh. His eyes blinked open and he shot up, nearly smacking his head against the window. Confusion and fear seared through him, his mouth dropping open in a panicked gasp. Those...things were all around the truck, smacking their hands against the hood and windows. He had almost forgotten all of this, so lost in his dream that it had felt real...like he was back on that roof with Castiel. The moment that made them best friend's...and the moment he put his foot down where his siblings were concerned. Dean glanced over at Gabriel and smiled a little...he'd been the only sibling that Dean hadn't felt the need to beat the shit out of or threaten.

  


There was a loud slap on the window near his head and he jumped, quickly moving to start the car. It sputtered a few times and Dean's stomach dropped. This couldn't be happening. He tried again and almost cried when it kicked over. He'd have to stop again to check out what was wrong with this stupid thing.

  


“Dean...” Castiel's voice was soft and almost sluggish. Dean glanced over, watching his best friend reaching out for him even while he was asleep. He gently lead Cas until he was leaning against his shoulder before carefully maneuvering the truck around the group of dead ambling towards them. He had only driven about 20 minutes when there was a pained gasp right in his ear. Castiel's fingers dug into his arm and he could feel his body shaking. Dean wrapped his arm around him and started murmuring into his ear.

  


“Shhh, Cas you're okay. Wake up buddy...c'mon,” he kept repeating it until blue eyes were finally peering up at him.

  


“Hey you...you okay?” Dean asked. Castiel swallowed hard but didn't answer him, pulling just out of reach. Dean frowned but let him be...there were just some times that Castiel did not want to be touched. They were few and far between but Dean had learned quickly that pushing Castiel would just lead to a full blown anxiety attack.

  


“Fuck...where are we?” Gabriel groaned, sitting up and trying to crack his back.

  


“We're almost there...but I need to look at the truck...it almost didn't start,” Dean said, looking around for somewhere to park.

  


“Cassie...you okay?” Gabriel asked, trying to look into his brother's face. Dean opened his mouth to warn him but Gabriel knew, he'd been the only one to pay attention to Castiel before Dean came around. Gabriel gave Castiel a little smile before he slumped back in his seat.

  


Dean barely gave them a glance as he continued to look around for a spot. It took another twenty minutes before he pulled into a closed and deserted gas station. Castiel's fingers gripped onto his shirt, silently pleading with him to not leave the cab. Dean pressed a quick kiss to his forehead, his cheeks turning a bit red when Gabriel's eyes widened.

  


“Sammy...get up,” Dean barked, freeing himself from Castiel's grip. His back was so stiff he nearly fell on his face but he got it to unwind as his brother joined him, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

  


“Whas goin on?” he slurred glancing around blearily. Dean rubbed at his face, reaching back into the truck to pop the hood. Sam got the hint and grabbed up his gun, taking point to keep watch. Jess grumbled something as she monkeyed her way to sit on the roof. Dean found an empty green milk crate and stepped up, peering into the innards of the truck. He didn't see anything out of the ordinary but that didn't mean shit.

  


“Cas, come on get back in the truck man,” he heard Gabriel call out. Dean frowned, looking to see Castiel was in fact out of the truck, looking around quietly. Dean watched him, not sure whether or not he should side up with Gabriel. Castiel turned slightly clouded blue eyes to him and Dean sighed, giving him a little nod. They were in the middle of nowhere, with no car in sight. Hell Dean hadn't even seen those dead things for miles. Castiel would be fine...Dean couldn't keep his eyes off him but he managed to shake it off putting his attention back into the engine.

  


 

* * *

Castiel lifted his face up to the sun and took in a deep cleansing breath. It would be so easy to just forget only if for a moment that the entire world around them wasn't completely shattering. A bitter laugh was pulled out of his throat, all those hours wasted studying and preparing for a test and future that no longer existed now. All his skills and talents resided in books and studying...what could he even bring to help out in this new world of crap? Castiel sighed again, turning to watch the others with a deep frown.

  


Sam was younger than him but was a marksman with a gun, his eyes alert and watching everything that moved around him. He could stand on his own and even protect his older brother with his fists. The Winchester's were raised to be fighters, survivors. Jessica, though she was raised in a well off home, she too even could protect them. Even her soft smiles were dangerous...she could lure anyone in and kill them in an instant if they were threatened. People always underestimated the girl, thinking she was too meek and cute to be a threat. Gabriel was crafty, knowing how the world worked even though he and Castiel grew up in the same house. His brother could weasel himself out of so many situations, it made Castiel's head spin at the stories Gabriel would retell in the mornings.

  


There was a loud curse and Castiel couldn't help smiling, then of course there was Dean. Brave, strong, caring Dean. If anyone could survive this hell hole it would be him and he would keep their little group together.

  


“Sammy check out the store, see if there's anything in there we can salvage,” Dean asked, not taking his eyes off the car. Sam nodded once before slipping inside the building. Dean froze for a moment, probably trying to listen and see if his brother was safe. When no unsavory sounds came Dean returned to tinkering with the car. Castiel turned back to face the road and the trees surrounding them. He crept closer to the edge, peering down to see how far it dropped down. It wasn't really that far but he'd have a hell of a time getting back up if he fell. And they didn't have time for that, they'd have to move soon, if not for those things getting closer...then other people.

  


“Cas! Don't go too far man!” Dean called after him. Castiel rolled his eyes a little and turned to go back, his heart freezing in his chest when the earth under his foot gave away. His hands flailed trying to grab onto one of the trees as he was suddenly falling, fingers digging into the dirt to keep him from going all the way down.

  


“Dean!” he shouted, breathing heavily as he managed to stop his fall.

  


“Cas! Shit! Oh my god are you okay?” Dean called peering over the edge. Castiel nodded even though he couldn't really breathe and his body was starting to shake. Dean quickly laid down and reached for him but of course, their fingers were just out of reach. Castiel tried to straighten up, just touching Dean when he slipped even further.

  


“Fuck! Cas just stay calm okay? Sammy! Gabriel!” Dean called over his shoulder. Castiel swallowed hard, barely even feeling the wetness on his cheeks. He tried to find a better grip when heard a low groan followed by a shuffle.

  


“Dean! Dean!” Castiel screamed when he saw a couple of those things making their way towards him. He was still above them but if he fell even further, they'd be able to reach up and snatch him down.

  


“Cas...hey, look at me. You need to stay calm okay? If you move anymore you're going to fall...hurry up!” Dean cried over his shoulder. Castiel tried to slow his breathing but he could hear the frantic worry in his best friend's voice and it did nothing to soothe him. Something brushed along his foot and he screamed, scrambling to grab onto anything that would help pull himself up. One of those things managed to grab at his foot, getting him to slip slowly as he tried to wiggle it free.

  


“Dean I'm slipping!” Castiel screamed, full on sobbing now.

  


“Castiel put your head down!” Jess's voice called down and he did what he was told, a series of loud thunks following. The weight on his foot disappeared and he looked over his shoulder with a gasp. He must have leaned too far because he was falling again, rolling down with a scream. Landing with a painful thud into the budding stream.

  


“Cas!” he could hear Dean shouting, the sounds of breaking branches almost muffled against the pounding in his ears. It took him a moment to even realize his glasses had fallen off. He found them just out of the water, a scream tearing out of his throat when he finally had them on. One of those things were too close, its fingers reaching as he tried to scramble backwards. It growled and hissed at him, surging forward to topple on top of him. Castiel cried out, trying to push the thing off but it was stronger, making his arms shake.

  


This was not how it was supposed to end...he was supposed to go to college, get a job and maybe find someone to settle down with! Marry them and live his life! He and Dean would still be best friends and spend their times together laughing and talking...

  


Dean...he would be the last thing he'd see...those always concerned green eyes flashing at him, silently telling him everything he'd ever needed to hear. He closed his eyes and let out a sob, his arms getting weak from trying to hold it away from him.

  


“Fuck!” he heard someone shout, a loud bang following quickly after. The thing fell sideways away from him and he sat up, his head swimming a bit. Dean was running towards him, his face tight with worry and something he had never seen before...fear. His tough guy best friend was scared, his hands trembling as they gently touched Castiel's face.

  


“Are you okay? Cas...come on, did it bite you?” Dean begged thumbs rubbing along his jaw. Castiel shook his head, reaching out slowly to grasp at Dean's wrists.

  


“Fuck...I saw you fall,” Dean whispered yanking Castiel closer until he was wrapped up in Dean's arms.

  


“Dean! More of those things are coming!” Sam's voice called out. Dean reluctantly pulled away, grabbing up Castiel's hands to lead him up the hill. Castiel's mind was still reeling...one minute he thought was going to die...the next they were running again. It was hard to catch up but at the moment they needed to get out of there. He stayed close, holding Dean's hand in a vice grip.

  


 

* * *

Dean was fighting off his panic, his breathing sounding like an engine in his ears as he practically dragged Castiel up the hill and towards the truck. He didn't have the time to glance around and see how many of those things were around, he just prayed that the truck would start up. Without even arguing about it, Gabriel climbed into the driver's side while Dean shoved Castiel into the back seat, crawling in after him.  Jessica and Sam were already in the front seat, his brother slamming the doors closed.

  


“Go, go!” Dean shouted, nearly crying in relief when the truck started with no hesitation. Within seconds they were tearing down the road again, their breathing the only noise in the car. Dean let his eyes close as his body slowly came down from the adrenaline rush, the painful thump in his chest slowing to a dull roar. He wasn't even aware of the white knuckle grip he had on the seat or the high keening noises Castiel was making next to him.

  


“Shit...Dean!” Gabriel's voice shook him and he finally blinked, everything around him speeding up and coming into focus. Castiel was rocking next to him, his entire body shaking. Dean cursed under his breath and easily pulled Castiel into his arms, hugging him to his chest.

 

“Cas...follow my breathing okay?” Dean whispered, letting his eyes close again to keep his own breaths calm. Castiel didn't uncurl from himself for a few minutes but the shaking stopped and so did those desperate noises...now all he could hear were little apologies and small whimpers.

  


“Shhh..Cas. You're okay,” Dean murmured, moving them around so that his back was pressed against the door and Castiel leaning against his chest. Castiel swallowed hard, barely making any eye contact with him as he burrowed into Dean. He wanted to let it go, just let his best friend lay there until he felt better. But Dean had nearly pissed himself when he saw Castiel slip, like everything slowed down in that moment like in the movies. It only took one second but Castiel disappeared from his view...and it had scared him deep down in his core.

  


“Cas...look at me,” Dean said softly, waiting with bated breath until his friend finally perked up, blinking up at him tiredly. Dean couldn't help brushing his thumb against his cheek bone, just under the dark bruise like circles under his eyes.

  


“Don't ever do that to me again...” Dean hissed, his throat unbelievably tight. Castiel huffed out a little laugh, a tear rolling down his cheek. Before Castiel could brush it away Dean did it for him, catching it with his thumb.

  


“I'm sorry for scaring you,” Castiel whispered dropping his eyes to stare at his hands that were resting on Dean's chest. Dean couldn't help sighing, rolling his eyes for good measure as he hugged Castiel tighter, breathing in his best friend's scent that was now tinged with dirt and musty water.

  


“Yeah well...just don't make it a habit okay?” Dean growled out. Castiel smiled at him and Dean felt his heart stutter a bit, which confused the utter living hell out him. He wanted to question it but Castiel was snuggling against him again and all Dean could do was hold him tight, praying that Sammy still remembered how to get to the damn cabin.

  
  
  
  
  
  



	4. Chapter 4

Castiel groaned when he suddenly hit the floor of the truck, his eyes blinking rapidly trying to wake up. Dean groused above him, his hands instantly reaching out for Castiel even though he too was trying to wake up as well.

 

“What the hell man!” Dean grumbled, helping Castiel back on the seat and handing him his fallen glasses. Once he could see he sighed heavily at the sight of the highway. They should have been up at Bobby's cabin by now. Dean realized this too and opened his mouth to start yelling but stopped, his eyes growing wide. Castiel quickly moved to get a better look and swallowed hard at the big bear of a man standing in front of the truck with a shotgun poised at them.

 

“Dean...what do I do?” Gabriel asked, fingers clutched tightly around the steering wheel.

 

“Run him over!” Sam hissed. Dean quickly gripped Gabriel's shoulder to keep him from doing just that. Castiel kept staring at the man...he seemed so intimidating but Castiel could clearly see the wide set of his eyes...how panic stricken he was.  The tension was so tight in his shoulders the gun was beginning to waver.  Castiel’s gut clenched as he gripped at Dean’s shoulder.

 

“He needs help...” Castiel muttered. Dean stared at him with wide eyes while the others shook their heads.  Jess ran her fingers through her hair muttering something under her breath.  Castiel glanced at her and realized she was loading up the crossbow she had given to Sam earlier.  Before he could protest Gabriel was piping up.

 

“How could you even know that?” he demanded. Castiel glanced back at the large man and chewed on his lower lip choosing to ignore his brother.

 

“Dean...trust me...he needs help,” Castiel said looking at his best friend. Dean stared at him for another  moment longer before grumbling out a curse, pushing the door open.

 

“Dean!” the others yelled and before anyone could stop him, Castiel was scrambling after him.

 

“Stay right where ya are!” the man called out, a slight tremor in his voice. Castiel held his breath, making sure to stay behind Dean though he kept stealing looks around his shoulder at the stranger. He was tall, taller than Dean and older....two or three years give or take. There was a fresh coat of dirt on the man's shirt and jeans but Castiel knew they they didn't look much better either.

 

“Let us pass man...we're just trying to get up north from here,” Dean said slowly, still edging closer to the man. Castiel peeked around again and swallowed hard when the stranger cocked the gun.

 

“I said...stay...” he growled, his entire body stiffening when a soft voice called out from the bushes.

 

“Benny...”

 

“Cher, stay the hell back!” he barked but Castiel could see how stricken he was.

 

“We can help...” he called out and both men stared at him. The stranger, Benny, let his mouth open and close before the rifle was lowering.

 

“Please...it's...it's my boy friend....” Benny said thickly. Castiel rushed around Dean, ignoring his name being barked out. He followed Benny through the trees to find a dark haired boy about his age cradling his ankle, his skin pale and dewy with sweat.

 

“My truck broke down a few miles from here...we had to keep goin on foot. His heel got stuck in a damn trap....I have no first aid....” Benny explained kneeling down next to his boyfriend. Castiel nodded and turned to find Dean already there, handing him the bag full of their supplies. He gave Dean a warm smile before dropping down to inspect the boy's foot. He had no real experience but he had read an awful lot and his oldest brother Luc had been a doctor. The thought of him made his stomach curl but he ignored it, calling up memories of Luc patching them up instead.

 

“I'm Castiel,” he smiled warmly and scooted closer. The boy gave him a grim one in return, his eyes scrunched up in pain. He worked quickly getting the boot and sock off, his bottom lip caught between his teeth when he saw how mangled it looked.

 

“Thanks for stopping...I...I wasn't sure ya would. No one else has...” Benny said softly. Dean made a noise but when Castiel turned they were shaking hands.

 

“I'm Dean Winchester...listen, if you don't have a place to go, we have a cabin that's large enough to take you and yours as well,” Dean explained. Castiel smiled brightly and went to work cleaning the wound first, whispering a few sorrys when the boy whimpered. The trees rustled a few feet away and all four of them froze, their breaths caught in their throats.

 

“Maybe we should move closer to your truck...” Benny said cautiously, reaching down to pull the boy effortlessly into his arms. Castiel took Dean's offered hand and quickly moved with them out back onto the road.

 

“Guys...this is Benny and...” Dean said, giving a questioning look at the boy in Benny's arms.

 

“Alfie...” he supplied quietly. Benny whispered something, probably some words of comfort into Alfie's ears and the younger boy smiled, his shoulders relaxing a little.

 

“Dean...” Sam said, his eyes wide and staring at the stranger. Castiel motioned for Benny to follow him, pulling the gate down so Alfie could sit on it.

 

“Your friends don't approve...” Benny drawled, his southern accent thick and lilting.  Castiel looked around the truck and frowned a little, Sam was glaring in their direction while Gabriel seemed to be lecturing Dean.

 

“Would you at first?” Castiel asked with a raised brow, his fingers making quick work of the ace bandage.

 

“Nah...but you stopped. Coulda just ran me right over like the first asshole tried,” Benny groused.  Castiel sighed softly, nodding as he tested the tightness of the bandage.  It was the exact thing that Sam had wanted Gabriel to do at first.  He couldn’t even imagine what would have happened to Benny and Alfie if they had just kept on driving.  It made his stomach curl on itself and he had to swallow quickly to keep from throwing up.  He looked up to see Dean walking back over to them, a hand rubbing anxiously at the back of his neck.

 

“Sorry about that....everyone’s just  a little wound up right now,” Dean said running a hand through his hair.  Castiel smiled reassuringly up at him before clasping the safety pins into the bandage to secure it.  Alfie rolled his ankle a little only to wince but it was clearly not as painful as before. He gave Castiel a grateful smile that Castiel easily returned.  

 

“Ain’t we all though?  Look, I appreciate you helpin us but if it’s too much trouble…”

 

“Benny…” Alfie breathed, his eyes tight and stressed when Castiel glanced back at him.  His hands were gripping the truck with a white knuckle grip and Castiel knew they wouldn't make it much longer on their own.

 

“No cher...we ain’t gonna put them out…”

 

“You won’t...I swear.  It’ll be a tight fit in the truck but we can manage.  We’re not far from the cabin now...please come with us,” Dean pleaded, placing a hand on Benny’s tensed shoulder.  The older man seemed to deflate, his head nodding slowly as he leaned up against the truck for support.  Alfie reached out for him and it seemed like it was easier to breathe for them once they were touching.  Castiel swallowed hard, feeling almost like he was intruding on their moment.  He secured the wrap and quickly moved away, looking over his shoulder just in time to see Benny engulf the younger boy tightly in his arms.  His heart stammered and the breath in his lungs seemed to lock up as he spun around straight into Dean’s chest.

 

“Hey... you okay?” Dean asked softly, his hands gripping his upper arms.  Castiel nodded a bit, making a little noise before hurrying to put their supplies back in their bag.  He felt the warmth behind him before Dean was touching his back.  Always touching...always seeming to know exactly what Castiel needed when he was upset.  He wanted to shrug off that hand, before the deeply buried feelings tried to pry through but he couldn’t, instead he leaned back against it with a stilted breath.

 

“No...I’m...yes, I’m fine...I’ll be okay,” he said softly, his hands trembling to put away the items.  Dean let out a breath before those hands were kneading into his shoulders.  it wasn’t fair, he craved these little moments with Dean but the feelings he fought tooth and nail to suppress were always there, poking and teasing him.  Waving what he could never have right in front of his face.  

 

“Cas...what’s wrong?” he asked a little more adamantly.  Castiel shook his head but couldn’t stop himself from turning to wrap his arms around his best friend, hugging him so tightly it probably hurt.  None of them smelled very good at this point but he didn’t care.  Dean was warm and underneath the musty smell of lake water was the crisp scent of the aftershave he used.  Arms instantly wrapped around him and Dean was hugging him right back. It felt so good, like he wasn’t about to shake apart at the seams.

 

“I’m scared…”

 

“I know...I am too.  But we’ll get to the cabin, reconnect with everyone and you’ll be safe,” Dean murmured in his ear and Castiel felt the back of his eyes burn.  They stayed that way until someone was clearing their throat behind them.  Castiel pulled away first, turning his back to their new friends to quickly wipe at his face.

 

“We good to go?” Benny asked softly, clearly confused about something.  Castiel didn’t dare turn, too embarrassed about being caught crying yet again.  He simply crawled into the cab of the truck and waited.

 

 

* * *

 

 

“There you go cher,” Benny grumbled helping his boyfriend into the seat next to Castiel.  Dean watched them move so easily with each other it made him smile a little, if only to cover up the sudden burn of envy in his chest.  The bigger man turned to give him a smile that almost seemed too gentle for such a big guy.  Dean tilted his head to get him to follow but was stopped by a hand on his arm.

 

“I’m sorry if we upset your boyfriend…” Benny said softly.  Dean felt his face warm up and he pushed out a forced laugh.

 

“He’s um...he’s not my...well,” Dean didn’t understand why the hell it was suddenly so hard to get the words out.  That assumption had always been there and before it was just an easy thing to say what they really were.  But after watching Castiel disappear out of his eye sight and seeing just how upset he got watching the other two...something else was burning inside right where Castiel always sat in his heart.

 

“We’re best friends...that’s all,” he finally stammered out but the words felt stale and bitter on his tongue.  He ran a frustrated hand through his hair that stilled at the slight grin on Benny’s face.

 

“Sure ya are...well then...shall we get this show on the road?” Benny asked.  Dean stared up at him, wanting to ask him what was going on through his head...what he was seeing when he looked at Dean and Castiel.  But he shook his head instead, dragging their new comer closer to Sammy and Gabriel.  Jessica had her eyes trained on the tree line for any kind of movement and Dean wanted to hug her.  

 

“This is Benny...he and his...boyfriend...Alfie  are coming with us.  Gabe you okay to drive still or you want me to take over?” Dean asked.  Gabe eyed Benny up and down before shrugging, probably deeming the guy non threatening.  

 

“You should probably take over now, I’ll sit in the back with Cas…” he offered but Dean was already shaking his head.  Castiel was in one of his weird states, it wasn’t the usual back off and don’t touch me one...it was clingy.  And as far as Dean knew, the only person Castiel allowed near him during those rare times was Dean.  Anna had tried once only to be lashed out on.  

 

“He’ll sit up front with me,” he said quietly.  Gabriel merely nodded and Sam made some noise of compliance, both of them already familiar and understanding with the way Dean and Cas were with each other.  Benny cocked a brow but just shook his head with a fond smile.  Dean blushed and cleared his throat, quickly climbing behind the wheel.  Castiel made a small noise from the back seat and Dean turned to smile at him.  He looked so small huddled in the back seat with their newest passenger.

 

“Come up here,” he said and helped him climb over the seat so he could sucker himself to Dean’s side.  Everyone else followed suit, getting comfortable before Dean started up the engine and eased it forward.

 

Dean felt warm all over but it wasn’t uncomfortable...it was everything but.  Having Castiel pressed against his side lifted that weight that had been growing on his shoulders.  The weight that had steadily grown from the moment he had picked up his phone and heard Castiel screaming.  Seeing Anna get torn apart and then Castiel falling right out of his line of sight.  All if was a pressure that only seemed to ease when Castiel touched his arm or gave him that reassuring smile of his.  If he could just get them to the cabin and keep Castiel and his brother safe....Dean’s heart stammered in his chest and he took in a deep breath, shaking those thoughts from his head.  He forced his eyes open wide and focusing on the road in front of them.

 

It was about an hour later that a chorus of moans filled the truck when the damn cabin finally came into view.  But something didn’t look right.  The front gate was swinging open and he didn’t see the right number of vehicles in the lot.  Dean scrambled out of the truck and quickly looked around, his heart literally skipping a beat when he didnt he see anyone keeping watch from the roof.  Bobby had built a sniper’s hut on top of the house...and they would have gotten a warning shot already if anyone had been up there.  Keeping watch, especially with the recent circumstances was something he knew that both his Uncle and father would be very adament about.  Sam seemed to come to the same conclusion when there was now echoing gun shot.  He ripped out of the truck and was running through the gate straight towards the cabin.

 

“Dad!” both of them cried out only to skid to a stop when a finally there was a resounding boom of a rifle being shot in the air.  Everything seemed to still around them when Ellen emerged from the shadows, her face gaunt and tired.

 

“Oh thank god!” she cried, practically throwing the gun to the ground to hug them both at the same time.  Dean felt his breath get stuck in his throat as he clung to the woman before him.  Ever since Mary Winchester had lost her life in a fire when he was a kid, Ellen Harvelle had been like his second mom.  She was always there, keeping him safe and always stood up to him against John when he got too drunk.  Ellen squeezed them so tightly that he almost couldn't breathe but he honestly didn’t even care.

 

“Ellen...what...what’s going on?  Where is everyone else?” Sam asked timidly.  Ellen’s lip trembled but she straightened up, her grip on their arms tightening.

 

“We got separated on the highway...but they’re fine!  Dean...your daddy’s just fine.  He and Bobby just checked in not too long ago,” Ellen explained tapping at the long range radio she had clipped to her belt.  She cupped the side of Dean’s face as he winced, his fingers wringing together in front of him.  

 

“Who else is here?” Dean managed to ask.  Ellen shouldered her rifle and took in a deep breath.

 

“Charlie and Kevin...Jo and Ash wanted to go with John and Bobby,” she explained.  Dean closed his eyes and rubbed at his forehead slowly.  Jo was more than capable of taking care of herself but Ash worried him.  He was loud and didn’t think before he acted a lot of the times.

 

“Alright...let’s...let’s get everyone inside,” Dean said smoothing a hand over his face.  Ellen gripped his elbow, her eyes tight with a silent question.  He nodded and watched her body relax.

 

“Thank god...hurry up and make sure someone locks that gate outside.  I’ll start dinner,” Ellen said and Dean nodded.  His stomach grumbling loudly.  He hurried back over to the truck, ordering for Sam to go close the gate.  Castiel was standing next to Gabriel, his arms hugging around his stomach as he glanced around nervously.  

 

“Let’s get everything inside…” Dean said ignoring Castiel’s peering gaze.  He didn’t want to waste time explaining while they were still outside.  He wanted everyone in one room and safe before he would let his composure crumble.  Benny helped grabbing up most of the bags only to hurry back out to pick Alfie up from the back seat.

 

“How’s the ankle?” Dean asked as they passed.  Alfie forced a smile while Benny winced.

 

“Better now that he can rest off of it and we won’t have to run every five minutes,” Benny said.  Dean nodded and watched them disappear into the house behind Jess and Sam.  There was a shout and Dean laughed, knowing that Ellen was practically attacking Jess in a hug.  Dean reached into the truck to grab the last bag when he realized Castiel was still outside, staring out into the trees.  He chewed on his lip and edged closer, the strange fluttering in his chest returning.

 

“Cas?  Come on…” Dean said softly reaching out to take his arm.  Castiel barely flinched but slid his arm out until just their hands were gripping each other.  The spaces between his fingers were filled with Castiel’s and he held his breath when his best friend gazed up at him.

 

“Thank you…”

 

“F-For what?”

 

“Coming for me...for saving me over and over again.  I’m...I’m such a burden to you Dean…” Castiel muttered.  Dean dropped the bag and quickly cupped the sides of Castiel’s face not allowing him a second to even try and look away.

 

“Cas you listen to me.  You are not a burden, you never have been.  I’ll always be there to take care of you...always,” Dean said and swallowed hard.  Castiel raised those impossibly blue eyes up at him and god...how had he not realized how beautiful Castiel was before?  That was a lie.  He’d always known but not like this….he’d never seen Castiel like this or looked at him any other way than as his best friend before.  

 

“Dean...I…” Castiel gasped.  Dean was slowly closing the distance between them when Ellen started calling their names.  Castiel startled, jerking away from Dean like he’d been burned.  Those eyes that had stared up at him with such a softness to them it made his chest hurt were now a little harder.  His mouth dropped opened to say something but Castiel quickly scrambled away, running towards the house.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Castiel was good at hiding...whenever his parents would argue, he’d find the smallest space and squeeze into it.  When Luc would stumble through the house after a night of drinking Castiel would hide under his bed.  No one ever found him, not that they were even trying to, but he hid so well that they almost forgot about him half the time.  This time, he found a space in the attic...no one had seen him slip up here.  That look on Dean’s face scared him...the way he inched forward, his fingers clutching his own...it was too much.  He loved Dean, they were best friends...right?  They were different from others, he knew that...had constantly been teased about it but that’s all they were to each other.  Friends.  Castiel gripped at his hair and tried to control his breathing….he couldn't do this again.  He couldn’t let his overwhelming crush on Dean smother him again.  Dean didn’t want to be saddled with him, he always promised to take care of him yes but to actually be stuck with him in a relationship?  He didn’t even know how to have a relationship!  

 

No...he wouldn’t let Dean do that to himself.  

 

He froze when he heard the attic door open, his body folding in on itself even more as he tried to disappear into his hiding spot.  This was impossible...no one ever looked for him.

 

“Cas...I know you’re up here…” Dean’s voice was so soft and Castiel felt his chin tremble with the effort to keep from crying.  God he was so stupid.  Of course Dean would come looking for him.  He was still in the shadows enough that he could watch Dean moving around but his best friend couldn’t see him yet.  

 

“I’m sorry...I didn’t mean to freak you out Cas…” Dean said, his voice tight and almost begging as he sat down on one of the old trunks.  Castiel hugged his knees tighter wanting nothing more than to comfort his friend and tell him he was wrong but he couldn’t.

 

“Just...I don’t know what’s going on.  Something’s different...somethings changed and I don’t know how to deal with it…” he stammered, “Cas...you know I’m no good at this.  I’ll um...I’ll leave you alone okay?  Just…” Dean glanced around the room once more before shaking his head, his hand dropping down a plate he hadn’t seen before.

 

“Eat something…” Dean said and got up, his heavy steps echoing off the floorboards as he crossed the attic, the door slamming shut in his wake.  Castiel swallowed down his heart beat and scrambled out of his spot, staring at the door and wanting nothing more than to follow him.  Instead he picked up the plate and smiled at the pb&j sandwich that had been carefully cut into fours.  It was such a childish thing but he loved it, tearing up again that Dean had remembered.  He ate it quickly, the food leaving a bitter taste in his mouth as the thought of his best friend sitting down stairs, thinking he did something wrong.

 

He sat there for a while, staring out the window.  Would it really be so bad if he and Dean...were something more than just what they were?  What would actually change?  They were already so close...Dean always held him...whether it was his arms or just his hand….there would probably be kissing involved….that made him blush but it wasn’t out of anxiety.  He smiled at the thought and he bit his lip.  Kissing led to other things though….other things he wasn’t sure he was ready for...or if he ever would be.  He was still a virgin while he knew Dean wasn’t...and he’d probably be expecting that...wouldn’t he?  Castiel ran a hand through his hair with frustration...he’d probably get some answers if he would just talk to Dean.  

 

There was a noise from downstairs and Castiel figured he’d been up here long enough.  He crept down silently, placing his plate in the sink before going out to look for Dean.  Everyone else was in the family room, staring off into space or reading.  Castiel didn’t want to bother them so he continued around the house.  It wasn’t until he slipped out the back door that he found him leaning against a pillar.  Castiel swallowed hard and almost spun back around to go into the house when he heard Dean heave out a shaky sigh.  

 

“I’m sorry Cas…” Dean said softly.  Castiel was crossing over the porch before he could tell himself not too.  He tentatively reached out and gripped Dean’s arm.

 

“Y-You didn’t do anything wrong Dean…” he whispered.  Dean huffed out a laugh, his head tilting a little to look at Castiel over his shoulder.  He wanted to ask what he was thinking about, what he wanted but Dean had already closed off, his face carefully masked again.  It had Castiel’s chest squeezing painfully.

 

“I have second watch tonight so I’m going to bed...your room is next to mine.  Get some sleep okay?” Dean said, patting his hand on his shoulder.  Castiel opened his mouth to say something but Dean was already walking back into the house.

  
  
  



	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, thank you for being so patient with me! My DCBB is finished and if anyone is interested in helping me beta read it I'd be grateful. Weedom has already helped me immensely so I'm super excited to have everyone read it!!
> 
> I do apologize if this seems rushed/choppy...it's been sitting on my desktop for a week now but I can't seem to add anything else to it.

* * *

 

Dean stared out in the darkness blearily, not really focusing on anything.  It was quiet, the only sounds coming from the slight wind that had picked up a little while ago.  The house had gone still and dark, everyone finally turning in for the night.  Sam was due to come relieve him in a few hours but Dean didn’t know if he could wake the poor kid.  That and there was no way he’d be able to fall asleep anyway.

 

His dad and the rest of their makeshift family was still out there somewhere.  He wanted to leave at first light to try and find them but Ellen had been against it.  It was a lost battle to even attempt at arguing with her so he left it alone.  He’d poke at the idea again once they reaffirmed the place.  That was tomorrow’s goal, walking the perimeter and fixing any part of the fence that was weak.  Dean chewed on his lip and wondered if Castiel would join him.  His best friend loved being outside, his fingers constantly reaching out to touch leaves or the flowers.

 

Dean smiled warmly at the last time he had taken Castiel to the nearest lake.  It had been so still and comforting, just watching Castiel walk along the edge of the water with that dippy smile of his.  Dean had felt something stirring in his chest then...and ever since it’d grown stronger.  Dean let that memory replay over and over again in his mind, not even realizing that his head was falling back and his eyes were beginning to droop.

 

“Dean!  Hey Dean!” Somebody’s voice hissed in his ear.  Dean shot up with a sharp gasp, his heart pounding in his hears.

 

“Whoa hey, you’re alright,” Sam whispered squeezing his shoulders.  Dean rubbed at his eyes before blinking in the direction his little brother was in.  

 

“What...shit I fell asleep,” Dean groaned jumping to his feet to check over the edge of the perch.  Sam huffed and moved to stand beside him.

 

“Yeah, well, go to bed.  I got this up here now,” Sam said gently shoving at his shoulder.  Dean handed him the rifle as he nodded absently.  He was about to walk around his brother when he noticed the tight press of Sam’s lips.

 

“What is it?” Dean demanded.  Sam sighed heavily before those long fingers of his brushed through that hair.  Dean continued to stare at him with a quirked brow.

 

“It’s Cas…”

 

“Is he alright?” Dean asked suddenly, his body instantly going tense.

 

“I don’t know...I had to walk by his room on my way up here and I could hear this...high pitched noise coming from inside.  He wouldn’t open the door though,” Sam said with a shrug.  Dean groaned, pushing around Sam to get back downstairs.  Castiel was probably having another one of his nightmares...there were times he’d get a call at 3 am from Cas.  Most of which he could help by telling Castiel to count his breaths and sing to Dean but there were others where Cas just needed to hear Dean’s voice.

 

Dean hurried back into the house and down the hall towards Castiel’s room when he saw Gabriel leaning up against the wall.  The older Novak looked horrible, his hair a mess of knotted mats and his usual bright eyes now clouded over.  Dean could clearly tell the man had been crying and Dean tried to ignore it.

 

“Thank God...every time I went in he freaked out,” Gabriel whispered with a relieved sigh.  It was then Dean could hear it, the sobbing and tight keening noises coming from the room.  Dean dragged a hand down his face as Gabriel clapped his shoulder.  He took in a deep breath and slowly pushed open the door to peer inside.  Castiel was curled up into a tight ball on top of the covers.  It was dark but Dean could recognize the clothes he had on from earlier, the clean ones still folded and sitting on the dresser.  

 

He closed the door behind him quietly and easily made his way around the bed.  Castiel had his head buried in his arms and knees, not even aware that Dean was in the room.  It only made Dean smile a little as he moved to sit on the edge of the mattress, his eyes watching the unsteady rise and fall of his friend’s shoulders.  He understood why the others got annoyed so easily with Castiel...why the kid’s family didn’t want to put up with him.  Castiel was a handful but Dean wouldn’t have it any other way.  Especially when the moonlight glinted off those impossible blue eyes.

 

“D-Dean?” Castiel gasped.  Dean smiled, reaching out to touch Castiel’s arm.  There was a little bit of tension but Castiel finally relaxed, allowing for Dean to scoot a bit closer.

 

“Bad dream?” Dean whispered moving his hand to rub at the knots in Castiel’s shoulders.  He only got a jerky nod as his answer but Dean hummed softly.  Castiel smelled horrible and really needed a bath.  That was something they’d work on tomorrow, but for now Dean got up and grabbed up the clean clothes, wordlessly holding them out to Castiel.  

 

Once the dirty clothes were a pile on the floor and Castiel was tucked in under the covers Dean got up to leave but Castiel clutched tightly on his hand, “Stay?  Please?”

 

Dean nodded slowly, crawling in next to him and gasped when Castiel practically crawled onto his lap.  They wiggled around until Dean was leaning up against the headboard and Castiel draped over his chest between his legs.  It was comfortable and had Dean’s heart beating furiously but he ignored it.  Castiel was safe, warm and calm, that’s all that really mattered to Dean right at that moment.  Dean was so close to the edge of sleep, Castiel’s little breaths a steady warmth on his neck when his friend started to speak.

 

“I dreamed that you left me behind…” Castiel whispered.  Dean kept his eyes closed but wrapped his arms around Castiel.

 

“I would never do that Cas...sure you’re a pain in my ass sometimes,” Dean grinned, his chest swelling at Castiel’s little laugh, “but you’ll never be left behind, I promise.”

 

Castiel didn’t say anything, didn’t really have too.  He hummed softly and nuzzled his face into the side of Dean’s neck.  Moments later Castiel was passed out, a heavy weight on Dean’s chest that he really couldn’t even begin to complain about.  

 

 

* * *

 

 

Castiel ran his fingers through his wet hair once again with a frown.  Dean had promised to let him walk the perimeter with him as long as Castiel took a shower after breakfast.  It wasn’t so much that he minded getting clean, that had been a holy experience on its own, but he didn’t have any of his usual hair products.  It was a stupid, selfish thing to even be upset about but he knew what his hair looked like without it.  A rat’s nest of tangles even after he’d brush it a hundred times.  When he came back down into the kitchen Dean had only smiled, taking his arm to lead him towards the back door.

 

They were keeping a pretty slow pace, Dean stopping here and there to check the strength of the fence.  He had a bag of tools slung over his shoulder but if there was something he couldn’t fix right away he’d mark it with a piece of tape.  Then after lunch Dean and Sam would come out to repair the rest of it.  Castiel reveled in the comfortable silence between them as they walked, his head turning up to soak up the sun.

 

Castiel took in a deep breath and pried his eyes open, stopping when his eyes fell on a patch of dirt that looked as if it had been turned recently.  He bit on his lip as he gave Dean a questioning look.  When he got a little nod, Castiel hurried over and ran his fingers through the soft dirt.  He could practically smell the minerals in the soil, damp and warm from sun.  

 

“Heya Cas, didn’t you tell me you were apart of that farmer’s club thing in jr high?” Dean asked.  Castiel looked over his shoulder and saw that knowing smile on his friend’s face.

 

“Yes...my parents made me quit though.  Said that it wouldn’t amount to anything,” Castiel grumbled, watching with fascination as the dirt fell from his fingers.  He’d only lasted a month in that club before his mother put a stop to it.  Gabriel had tried to argue for him but Castiel just bowed his head and never went back.  In that month though he’d learned a lot and fell in love with the entirety of it.  The way the plants almost vibrated when you actually showed them love.  The way it felt when fresh soil pushed between his fingers...the power in it that he had helped something thrive just from his care.

 

“Well, that was just plain stupid...because now you’re one of the most valuable people,” Dean said.  Castiel frowned and stared up at his best friend, the proud smile on his face making Castiel lips dip even further down.

 

“Dean…”

 

“I’m not even kidding Cas...listen to me for a second,” Dean said kneeling down next to him, “there is only so much we can scavenge and how far we can actually go before it becomes too dangerous.  Food is going to run out at some point.  People like you, who know how to do this kind of thing are going to be so few and far in between...when it comes down to it...you’re gonna be the most important person here.”

 

Castiel held his breath and bit down on the inside of his cheek, a quiet stirring of hope bleeding through his veins, “But I don’t know how to fight Dean...and that will make me a hindrance,” Castiel countered.  Dean just smiled, plopping down to sit on his butt and cross his legs, the rifle moved to lay across his lap.

 

“I know how to fight and to shoot...how to survive when things get really bad.  But this,” he said pointing down to the large piece of metal, “Won’t do me a damn bit of good when the food runs out or when the animals get smart and take off.  You can grow new life Cas, life that can sustain this entire camp and give us...hell...a better chance at getting through this,” Dean said.  Castiel blushed and returned his gaze down into the soil.

 

“And don’t worry about not knowing how to do those things Cas...you’ve got me.  Right?” Dean asked and Castiel couldn’t hide the grin pulling at his lips.  He looked up at Dean again and felt his entire face flush at the earnest expression on his friend’s face.

 

“Yes...thank you Dean…” Castiel said, laughing when Dean actually blushed and waved his hand to brush it off.

 

“I will need some seeds though…” Castiel bit his lip and perked up, the excitement buzzing around him now, “Will you help me build a little fountain so bees can rest here?” Castiel asked shooting up to his feet, plans and ideas flowing out of his mouth as Dean watched on with a huge smile.

 

 

* * *

 

 

“So what’s the story on those two?” Benny asked walking outside to stand next to Ellen.  A steaming cup of coffee in his left hand while the other gripped at the railing.  In the distance he could see Dean and Castiel walking along the fence.  Ellen sighed next to him and when he looked he was a little shocked to see a fond smile on her face.

 

“They’re both clueless but it’s adorable watching them…” she said simply, giving him a wink before disappearing back into the house.  Benny smirked, turning to watch the other two again.  He hardly knew anything about this group of people but from their short time with them, he knew they were good people.  The way Dean took care of and looked at Castiel spoke volumes to Benny.  It was why he assumed they were together the night before, it was the same way he had looked at Samandriel.  He remembered when that kid first walked into the diner he was working at, face red and hot from crying as he collapsed into a booth.  

 

He risked his job to go over to him, asking him if he was alright.  Benny wasn’t sure if it was his voice or what but Samandriel had spilled everything in that moment.  The guy he’d been secretly seeing had broken his heart in one of the worst ways Benny had ever heard in his life.  The bastard slept with Samandriel’s older sister, told her that he loved her and then proceeded to tell Samandriel’s family that he was gay.  That Samandriel had come onto him and “forced” him to have sex.

 

“I have no where to go...my family kicked me out and none of my friends will help me.  They wouldn’t even believe me when I told them I was a virgin!” Samandriel cried out, his head falling into his hands.

 

Benny’s heart broke for the poor kid and offered him the spare room of his apartment.  There was no way he could have ever known that they would end up together.  He wouldn't change it for the world though, Samandriel was such a sweet guy.  Benny’s world tipped on its side with that little whirlwind.  

 

He saw a lot of that in Dean and Castiel...Benny shook his head and went back inside, smiling when he saw his boyfriend propped up on the couch, his foot resting on three pillows to keep it elevated.  Samandriel turned and gave him a sleepy smile, his dark hair smooshed up on one side of his head.

 

“Hey Angel,” Benny said sitting down next to Samandriel’s hip.

 

“Hey bear...missed you last night,” Samandriel pouted and Benny chuckled, leaning in to give him a small kiss.  He handed over the cup of coffee and watched his boyfriend sigh almost wantonly before taking a long sip.

 

“Missed you too cher...almost came down here to sleep on the floor next to you.  How’s it feel?” he asked eyeing the clean bandage around his ankle.  

 

“Throbs but the pain killers Ellen gave me helped me sleep so it’s not so bad.  She even changed the bandage while I was passed out,” Samandriel laughed.  Benny grinned and continued to watch his boyfriend drink up the last dregs of his coffee.  He could always grab more later.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Dean laughed warmly as he lead a still chattering Castiel back to the house.  Now that the idea was put into his friend's head, the ideas were just flowing out.  Dean definitely had his work cut out for him once the fence was reaffirmed.  He and Sammy would stretch out the patch of dirt and he figured Kevin could help out with the actual planting.  The kid was quiet but he was smart as hell.  

 

As for Charlie, he already knew the girl was cooking up something without even having to ask her about it.  She was at the kitchen table when they came stumbling in, quickly kicking off their shoes to keep the mud from spreading out into the house.

 

“How in the hell do you have service?” Dean laughed in shock when he realized that she had her laptop out.  He actually took his phone out that he kept in his pocket to check for service, which of course, there was none.  Charlie was staring hard at what he could barely make out were maps.  Castiel was humming next to him, his body moving in a flurry to make more coffee.

 

“I have my ways Dean...and the world hasn’t ended entirely just yet...we’re just in the first stages of it...and I am going to suck up as much information as humanly...well...as much as my laptop can anyway.  I have mapped out several places I’ll need you to hit up when you go looking for John,” Charlie said, suddenly stopping when Castiel dropped his mug in the sink.  Thankfully it didn’t break but it did make a loud enough noise to draw Ellen into the room.

 

“You’re leaving?” Castiel gasped turning wide eyes at him.  Dean sighed rubbing the back of his neck with his fingers.

 

“I have to find my dad and the others Cas...you know that,” he said and Castiel just shook his head fervently.  Dean moved closer, reaching out to place his hands on Castiel’s slightly shaking shoulders.

 

“You’ll be okay Cas...I promise...I’m not leaving you behind,” Dean said softly, very well aware of the audience they had in the room.  He could feel Ellen’s eyes on him and he swallowed hard when she stepped towards them.

 

“Why don’t you sit down honey…” Ellen said softly, gently guiding Castiel to sink down in a chair.  Dean leaned up against the counter and suddenly felt exhausted.  He had to find his dad...he had to bring the rest of their family back together but he also didn’t want to leave Cas.  What if something wrong happened while he was gone?

 

“Okay...this is what we’re gonna do.  If your daddy is still not here by tonight, then you can go looking for him.  You need today to rest and fix up that fence anyway.  And Cas...Dean will be okay...he’s tough as nails just like his daddy...he’ll come back to ya,” Ellen said.  Dean felt his cheeks heat up but relaxed a little when Castiel gave her a short nod.

 

“When are we leaving?” Sam asked entering the room with a yawn.  Dean snorted at the state of his little brother’s hair but kept quiet.  Jess came in after him, a soft smile spreading out on her lips as she brushed around Sam to give Castiel a kiss on the cheek.  He knew he liked that girl for more than be able to deal with Sam.

 

“You’re not going anywhere,” Dean said finally but Sam just leveled him with a look.

 

“If you’re going out to look for Dad then I’m coming with!” Sam shot back.  Dean opened his mouth to retort but Ellen cleared her throat.

 

“Enough you two...Dean, you’re gonna need your brother as back up.  I’d rather not have either of you going but Sam’s a damn good shot and you know this Dean.  I also think Jess should go as well...neither of you know how to shoot a bow to save your damn lives,” Ellen stated and Dean nodded, knowing perfectly well when he needed to surrender.  Sam looked torn but from the firm looks from both women, Sam deflated, nodding as well.

 

“Good...now Charlie...what in the blazes are you working on girl?” Ellen grinned leaning over to glance at the computer.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Castiel jerked awake, his eyes fluttering open to see Dean pulling on some warmer clothes.  Confusion set in deep until Castiel suddenly remembered he had very timidly asked if he could sleep in Dean’s rooom.  A blush burned deep in his cheeks, Dean had held him throughout the night, whispering that he’d be back.  That everything was going to be okay.

 

Castiel felt horrible, he should have been trying to reassure Dean and not the other way around.  He slowly sat up and hugged his knees until Dean turned, nearly jumping out of his shoes when he realized Castiel was awake.

 

“Hey...sorry I didn’t meant to wake you up,” Dean laughed softly, bending down to tie up his boots.  Castiel swallowed hard, wanting to find the words to repeat everything Dean had whispered to him to keep his heart from thudding out of his chest.  But nothing came, just a very undignified squeak.  

 

“Cas...what’s wrong?” Dean asked shooting him a worried glance before sitting down on the edge of the bed.  Castiel opened his mouth again to speak but nothing came out and he got frustrated with himself.  His fingers found their way into his hair and yanked as his eyes burned with the need to cry.

 

“C’mere,” Dean pulled at his arms until they were hugging tightly, Dean’s hand rubbing up and down his back soothingly.  Castiel melted into the embrace and took in a deep breath, feeling himself grow calmer.

 

“I’m sorry…”

 

“Cas, I told you…”

 

“Dean...I should have been the one reassuring you last night.  You’ll find your dad and the others...I know you will,” Castiel whispered swallowing around the huge lump in his throat.  Dean sighed against his shoulder but thankfully didn’t say anything, just held onto him that much tighter.  Castiel reveled in it, the feeling of Dean’s strong arms around him and the small strokes down his spine.  

 

The quiet knock on the door broke them apart and Dean gave him a sheepish smile before answering it.  There were whispers between Dean and who Castiel assumed was Sam.  Dean’s shoulders tensed up a bit and nodded, turning to grab up his bag.

 

“I gotta get goin...I’ll be back soon okay?” Dean said trying to give him a comforting smile.  Castiel felt his chest squeeze almost painfully and before he could stop himself he was bolting off the bed to crash against Dean’s chest, holding on to his friend tightly.

 

“Please...please be careful,” he begged and he felt lips press against his temple.

 

“I will...and I’ll come back with a whole new score of seeds for you to plant,” Dean said and Castiel could hear the smile in his voice.  He nodded and held on for a second longer until he could hear Sam calling out from down stairs.  Castiel began to pull back when suddenly Dean was cupping his face.

 

“Stay safe,” Dean whispered, his lips mere inches away from his own.  Castiel sucked in a gasp when Dean leaned in, closing the small distance.  Everything on the inside of his body lit up in sparks and he couldn’t help clinging to Dean, needing him that much closer.  He was finally kissing Dean...finally able to feel how soft those lips really were and greedily soaked it up into his brain.

 

“Oh hell,” he could hear Sam groaning and Dean huffed out a laugh but didn’t pull away.  For that Castiel was extremely grateful, he needed the feeling of Dean’s lips moving slowly along his like he needed air.  When they finally did pull apart to catch their breaths, Dean’s fingers were tangled in his hair and their foreheads were pressed together.

 

“I’ve been wanting to do that for a really long time…” Dean admitted and Castiel bit his now swollen bottom lip.

 

“Me too…” Castiel said and out right giggled when Dean kissed his lips in quick pecks.

 

“I have to go…” Dean groaned and this time Castiel could only grin.

 

“Hurry back and be careful,” he said pulling Dean in for one more press of their lips.  Dean finally tore himself away and laughed as a blush crept up his face.

 

“I will...see you soon Cas,” Dean smiled so brightly it reached up to his eyes.  The heavy weight sitting on Castiel’s chest lessened greatly and he was able to breathe a bit easier.  He nestled back under the covers and stared out the window until his eyes finally drooped.

  
  
  
  



	6. Chapter 6

 

* * *

 

Ellen stood near the front door watching with a deep frown on her face.  Castiel was out by the front gate again, gazing out into the trees while his fingers gripped onto the fencing.  She could see all the way from the house just how tense his shoulders were, how knuckle white his fingers turned.  It had been nearly three days now with no word on the boys.  Nothing from John or Bobby either.  She had tried to explain that it would take longer than a day to find the older men but Castiel didn’t want to listen to her.  

 

Thank God Dean had talked Castiel into working on the garden and that Kevin had actually found an entire box full of seeds.  It was the only thing keeping that poor boy glued together.  Ellen rubbed at her face, last night had been horrible.  She could hear Castiel crying from down the hall and no one could help him relax.  As much as she hated to admit it, she had no idea how Dean did it.  Even Gabriel was losing patience with his little brother but that wasn’t something new.

 

“Our entire family just kind of...ignored him when he had tantrums.  No one had a clue on how to deal with him...my parents didn’t believe in therapists so he was left alone in his room.  Dean’s probably the only person to ever be this patient with him…” Gabriel admitted with a sour look on his face.  Ellen wanted to slap him but she had refrained...those same thoughts were brewing in her own mind.

 

“Charlie...what are you doin?” Ellen asked looking over at the girl staring hard at her computer again.

 

“I’ve officially lost internet connection, the last of that kind of communication is gone.  So now, I’m working on a better security system for our perimeter.  I’m not sure how it’ll even be done but...it’s the only thing keeping me from freaking out right now,” Charlie laughed rubbing at her tense shoulders.  Ellen nodded and sunk down in a chair next to her.

 

“Are you scared about Dean too?” Ellen asked softly.  Charlie stared at the screen for a moment before nodding minutely.

 

“All of them actually.  I’ve watched horror films and played enough zombie games to know how badly this can all turn.  How disgusting people can become when there are no consequences.  I’ll feel better when our family is all together,” she answered with a determined smile.  Charlie straightened up and went back to work on whatever she was typing furiously on.  Ellen smiled at the girl and leaned in to kiss her temple.  The only one who was blood related to her was Jo but all of them were her kids, no matter what.  She loved them all and it nearly knocked her on the ass with the deep thud of her heart.  She missed them badly and she wanted her husband home yesterday.  

 

She caught a glimpse of Castiel outside again and tried to breathe around the lump in her throat.  He wasn’t any different from them...he just showed his emotions on the outside where they swallowed them down.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Castiel hummed softly, his fingers digging into the soft dirt to turn it over.  He hardly even needed the trowel next to him, the soil melted like butter under his hands.  Kevin sat next to him, drawing a plan of which seed they would plant next.  Castiel was thankful for the quiet company his friend gave him.  Gabriel was too loud, talked too much and disturbing his concentration.  Ellen stared and worried about him and Charlie was too busy working on her security system.  Kevin actually helped, finding that box of seeds had lifted Castiel’s spirits so much he actually smiled this morning.  

 

He knew the others were becoming annoyed with him, it never took long for anyone to loose their patience but Castiel couldn’t help it.  He missed Dean deeply...and he was scared.  What if they ran into trouble and never came back?

 

“Castiel…” Kevin said softly and he raised his face.  His friend was smiling, handing him a tissue.  Castiel blushed and wiped at his face a little angrily, ever since he woke up from that nightmare last night he couldn't stop crying.  It had been horrible and Gabriel unintentionally made it worse.  He loved his brother but sometimes he wished Gabe would just...not try to console him.

 

“It’s so nice out here today...but it looks like it’s gonna rain later...hopefully we can get these seeds in before that,” Kevin said with a hum.  Castiel nodded, sending a silent thank you to his friend for not dwelling on his tears.  

 

“Me too, how many more packets we have?” Castiel asked raising up on his knees to stretch out his sore back.  Kevin rifled through the box and clicked his tongue with each package.

 

“Five...it’s too bad we lost over ten of them.  I think tomorrow if it’s not too wet we can try planting the flower ones by the entry way?” Kevin suggested holding up the handful of packets that were separate from the others.  Castiel beamed, nodding eagerly.  He had nearly cried with joy when he saw the flowers,  all of them would attract bees and Dean had promised to help him build a few fountains when he got back.  He swallowed at the lump trying to form in his throat and brushed the thought to the side.  

 

“Yes...but lets get these planted first.  I believe you to be right about the rain…” Castiel sighed looking up at the looming gray clouds.  

 

 

* * *

 

 

~Three Days Previous~

  
  


Dean glanced around the tree, watching silently as Jess took out over a dozen dead with her arrows.  It amazed and scared the shit out of him how quickly their house had gotten over run with those things.  He remembered making fun of Charlie’s obsession with her video games, always arguing with her that it could never happen.  That they could just take out the ones who changed and stop it from getting out of hand.  Dean had been so fucking wrong.  

 

There was a low whistle and Dean moved away from his cover, keeping an eye out as they hurried across the lot to enter the house.  None of the doors looked breached and for that Dean was extremely grateful.  Now they could grab anything else that had been left behind and get some rest.  The usual 3-4 hours it took to get from the cabin to the house had turned into damn near 7.  With roadblocks and herds they had to take a ton of detours.  He just hoped they would be able to track the others.  

 

Dean locked up the front door while Jess and Sam ran to secure the back and the basement.  They all met in the kitchen and collapsed into the chairs.  Sam took a breath before he literally grabbed up Jess and dragged her into his lap, just holding her close.  Dean looked away and picked at his nails.  It wasn’t out of embarrassment….he just really fucking missed Castiel.  It had been so hard to leave, especially now with this new turn in their relationship.  He was happy that it finally shifted, beyond ecstatic that he could now kiss and hold Castiel without teasing looks from the others.  But he’d only gotten a tiny tease of that before he had to leave and it wasn’t fair.

 

“Sorry Dean…” Jess said softly, her soft hand smoothing over his trembling ones.  He forced out a throaty laugh and shrugged.

 

“We’ll get back in no time...then you can gross us out,” Sam said with a little smile.  Dean nodded and got up, kissing Jess on the forehead and ruffling Sam’s hair as he made his way towards the stairs.  There were a few things he didn’t have time to grab earlier and it had hurt having to leave it behind.  He hurried up the stairs, stilling to listen for any kind of movement.  When there was none he got to his room and stopped.  Two days he’d been gone and the word had literally turned on it’s ass...his room looked so weird to him now.  

 

Shaking his head he went straight for his closet, tearing it open to start throwing some clothes onto the bed.  He’d only grabbed one bag of clothes and Castiel had absolutely nothing.  He was much smaller than Dean but that never stopped them from sharing before.  He found his extra camping duffel and started to fill it.  When he got to the back of his closet, the thing he’d come up here for came into view.  His fingers shook as he grabbed it up gingerly.  

 

His mother’s antique jewelry box felt incredibly heavy as he moved towards his bed.  It was a small thing, made out of dark rose wood with little carvings of dragonflies.  It was one of the only things John allowed for Dean to have.  The rest of his mother’s stuff stayed exactly where it was in the master bedroom.  Dean let out a strained sigh as he opened it, smiling at the wonderful woodsy smell that wafted from it.  His mother hadn’t been the most conventional woman but she did love jewelry.  Her favorite silver charm bracelet sat on the top, all the protections symbols from all over the world and different religions.  Dean’s favorite was always the pentacle and even had the dream of tattooing it on his chest one day.  

 

There were other piece of jewelry in the box but the bracelet was the most important to him.  It wasn’t worth anything now but Dean knew deep down in his gut some douchebag would try and take it from him if they could.  He put the bracelet back in the box and wrapped it in one of his softer leather jackets.  It was a little too small for him now and he intended on giving it to Castiel when he returned.  

 

He was just about to leave the room when something yellow and black caught his eye.  It was Castiel’s stupid little stuffed bee he had left here a few weeks ago.  Everyone had teased him about it but strangely...John had been the only one to smile fondly about it.  Later that night Dean had been surprised to find Castiel in his parent’s room, listening with rapt attention as John told him about Mary.  About her obsession with dragonflies and how they would make her smile...make her so damn happy.  Dean had never seen his father cry but he was, the tears flowed and Castiel had smiled softly at him, egging him silently to continue.  

 

Dean massaged his fingers into his tight throat and laughed at himself a little.  He had already known he was in love with Castiel before that night...but seeing how even his rough and tumble father fell apart around Castiel had cemented it for Dean.  Hearing those precious words, “You remind me so much of Mary…” from his dad nearly killed him.  The fear of his father not accepting his sexuality or his attraction to Castiel washed away right then and there.  

 

Without another thought he snatched up the bee and hugged it close to his chest for a moment before shoving it into the bag as well.  He was just about to leave the room when Sam and Jess crashed in, shutting the door with panicked faces.

 

“Someone’s here,” Sam hissed.  Dean’s heart plummeted down to his gut and he sunk down to his knees, hurrying to the window to peer out.  Sure enough there was some random beat down truck outside.  Two men with shotguns were roaming around and Dean groaned.

 

“We need to leave,” Dean said and Sam nodded eagerly.  It was then he noticed that both Sam and Jess each had two bags with them.  He smiled proudly at them as they planned on how to get out of there without being noticed.  As soon as the two men disappeared, they slipped out of Dean’s window.  Dean was a pro at sneaking out but Sam nearly fell down on his face as they climbed down.  

 

“Get to the truck...I need to find the tracks,” Dean urged, gently pushing them towards where they had hid the truck away.  It didn’t take long for Dean to find the familiar tire marks from Bobby’s old car but it surprised him when he saw the Impala’s tracks as well.  Realization struck him hard and he didn’t need to know the direction they lead too, he already knew where they went.  There was a shout from inside the house but Dean ignored it as he tore across the lot.

 

“Did you find it?” Sam asked when Dean scrambled into the truck a moment later.

 

“They went to the warehouse,” Dean answered and Sam laughed, wiping at his face.

 

“They parked the fucking Impala...didn’t they?” Sam grinned.  Jess let out a groan and Dean nodded, pointing the truck south.  Though he was glad he found the next step to finding their family, his heart thudded heavily as he drove even farther away from Castiel.

 

 

* * *

 

 

“Do you think they’re still there?” Jess asked peering out the window.  Dean sighed heavily as he loaded up his gun.  The warehouse was huge and didn’t seem overrun just yet.  Then again there was a huge wire fence around the place and they were the only ones with the keys to the three padlocks that locked the gate closed.  

 

“No clue...the gate’s locked so I don’t think so.  But if we can get even more supplies that they didn’t pick up,” Sam offered with a shrug.  Dean didn’t want to get in there...he hated this place.  It reminded him too much of how weird his dad got after his mom died.  Yeah, he was glad for the survivalist mentality now but back then...it had freaked him the fuck out.  

 

“Okay...so...what’s the plan then?” she asked with a raised brow.  Dean sat there for a moment before wiping a hand down his face.

 

“We need to find the direction they took after this...but Sam is right about the supplies.  And it’s getting dark...we need to camp out here tonight,” Dean said.  Jess frowned but nodded.  Dean crawled out of the cab and made his way towards the gate.  He prayed that the extra key was still in it’s hiding spot.  Thankfully it was and he swiped it out of the old rusty coffee can buried in the earth and hurried to get the padlocks off.  Sam eased the truck into the lot and Dean got the place secured again as the truck disappeared into the garage.  The place was nothing but a dump lot, with old cars that Bobby scavenged for parts but it was all a ruse.  

 

The building in the dead center of the place was actually a bunker.  Dean had thought they would end up using this place when John had ordered for them to start packing.  He knew he had Ellen to thank for changing it to the cabin instead.  There was a wrought iron door nailed into the ground that led to the bunker but the lock had been left off.  Dean knew for sure his father had been here...and they’d been in a hurry.  

 

“Just saw the Impala...it’s in the garage...and Dad left this,” Sam called out hurrying over to him.  It was a map with a line a made of red marker running through it.  Dean grinned...John had left them their path.

 

“They made it a little easier,” Dean grumbled, his breath hitching in his throat when Sam held up a busted walkie talkie.

 

“That’s why they hadn’t made contact...it was left in the car as well.”

 

Dean nodded and ushered them into the bunker.  It was stuffy but it would cover them and keep them safe in case some people decided to get a little curious.  Dean locked it from the inside and instantly sunk down onto one of the cots.  It was a long narrow passage with several beds, a metal shelving unit with tons of canned foods and other supplies.

 

“Hey does this thing work?” Jess called out.  Dean sat up and sighed heavily, the radio station had never worked.  He and everyone else had tinkered with the damn thing for weeks before giving up.

 

“No...wished it did right now though,” Sam said with a little laugh.  Dean nodded and laid back down, allowing for his body to relax and melt into the stiff mattress.

 

He had no idea how long he slept but it didn’t feel like enough when someone shook him awake.

 

“We gotta get goin Dean, the sun is about to be up,” Sam whispered.  Dean groaned and sat up slowly, greedily accepting the can of fruit and bottled water handed to him.  He ate quickly then made his way back upstairs.  It was quiet, the only things he could hear were birds and maybe a few insects here and there.  Dean took it as a good sign and trudged over to the garage, petting at Baby’s hood fondly.  He yearned to drive her, to pick up Castiel and take him for a ride.  It had been a dream of his for their first date.  

 

“I’ll come back for you sweetheart,” Dean sighed.  He went over to the truck and made sure the thing started.  It was already packed up and he silently thanked Jess and Sam for letting him sleep throughout the night.  The map was placed on his lap and he studied it for a few minutes before handing it back to Jess.

 

“It looks like they went the complete opposite way….I don’t know why though but it would have doubled their time getting to the cabin,” Dean said.  Sam nodded glancing at the map over Jess’s shoulder.

 

“Maybe we’ll just end up following them...meet them at the cabin,” Sam said, his voice hopeful and optimistic.  Dean smiled, reaching over to pat his brother’s leg before easing the truck back out of the lot and on the road.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Things were going good, they were making good time even though it was slower than Dean had wanted.  His father’s trail was off road and Dean was even more grateful for the truck when they hit rougher terrain.  It wasn’t until they had driven 3 hours when they hit their first snag.  The clouds had been building all morning, threatening rain.  Now it was coming down hard, making Dean’s vision almost impossible even with the wipers going full blast.  

 

“Dammit!” Dean shouted when the truck lurched.  

 

“What was that?” Jess asked, her wide eyes looking around almost frantically.  

 

“I think we’re fucking stuck,” Dean grumbled stomping down on the gas pedal.  They were definitely stuck, the tires were spinning but they weren’t moving.

 

“Let’s wait out the rain Dean...then we’ll see how bad it is,” Sam said putting his hand on Dean’s shoulder.  Dean couldn't help shrugging it off, yanking the car into reverse.  The truck moved an inch and then lurched again.

 

“Dean…”

 

“Ugh fine!” Dean growled slapping his hands against the wheel.  Sam leaned back against the seat and the sudden silence was almost too overwhelming.  Dean didn’t allow himself to relax for awhile but exhaustion caught up to him anyway.  He sighed heavily and finally let his head drop back against the seat, the sound of rain lulling him to sleep.

 

“Dean….Dean get up!” Sam hissed.  Dean sat up with a snort, his heart hammering in his chest.  He was about to yell at his brother but Sam wasn’t even looking at him, his eyes were glued forward.  Dean slowly looked and swallowed hard.

 

They were surrounded by a group, guns poised right at them.  

 

“Get out!” one of them shouted.  Dean shook his head, his body jerking when a rifle shot up into the air.  Jess screamed and clutched to Sam as they were yelled to get out of the car again.

 

“Dean...what do we do?” Sam hissed.  Dean couldn’t breathe...there was no way they were getting out of the truck but they were stuck.  Dean gripped Sam’s hand and opened the door.

 

“Dean!”

 

“Shush Sammy…” Dean ordered, slipping out and closing the door behind him.

 

“The other’s too!”

 

“We’re just trying to find our dad...we don’t want any trouble!” Dean called out.  There was a ring of laughter but Dean didn’t budge, keeping his back to the truck as he quickly looked around.  The group was pretty small, maybe 6 of them surrounding the truck.

 

“We don’t give a fuck what you’re trying to do.  We want the truck and whatever supplies you have inside,” their “leader” demanded.  Dean shook his head, yelping when there was suddenly a hand gripping his arm, ripping him away from the truck.

 

“You’re not really in a position to tell us no kiddo,” the leader laughed.  Dean opened his mouth to retort when pain exploded through his head and he was falling back on his ass.  It took him a moment to focus, blood was dripping from his lip.  One of the other guys had hit him with the butt of his rifle.  Dean glared up at them, his mind going in overdrive to figure out a way around them.  

 

“Now...tell your people to get the fuck out of our truck or we’ll open fire on it.  Not a tough choice here kid,” the leader smirked.  Dean stayed quiet, his eyes squeezing shut when the rifle that had hit him pointed straight at his face.  There was a muffled shout but before Dean could shout at his brother a shot rang through the trees.  Dean damn near pissed himself, his hand instantly reaching up to pet his chest.

 

“Get the fuck away from my son!”

 

Dean laughed almost incredulously.  His dad, Bobby, Jo, Ash and a couple others emerged from the trees with their guns pointed at the threatening group.  

 

“Hey man, we just wanted the truck!” the leader called out.  John growled low in his throat and aimed for the leader’s leg, shooting him in the calf.  Dean gasped, scrambling back until his back hit the tire.  The leader screamed, instantly falling to the ground.

 

“Take him and leave before we shoot all of ya, now get!” Bobby shouted.  Dean didn’t take in another breath until the group was out of sight, their leader dragged behind them.  

 

“Dad!” Sam cried nearly falling out of the truck as he scrambled to get to him.  John smiled, handing the gun over to Bobby just as Sam collided with him.

 

“Hey Dean-o,” Jo said holding a hand out to him.  Dean swallowed hard and took it, allowing her to hoist him up.  He made his way over almost nervously, the tension in his shoulders making him hunch over.  John let go of Sam only to yank Dean forward, hugging him tightly.

 

“It’s so good to see you boy,” John grumbled against his shoulder and Dean found himself clinging to his father’s jacket

 

“John, we need to get out of here, the shouting and gun shots is going to attract them,” Bobby called out.  Dean took in a deep breath to calm himself when John gently pushed him back.

 

“Let’s get the truck unstuck and then you can take us over to the camp,” John said.  Dean raised a brow but John waved him off.  Dean eyed the new people he didn’t recognize but went to work getting the stupid truck out of the deep hole of mud.

 

“Dad...what the hell happened?” Dean asked once they were inside the truck and moving in John’s directions.

 

“Everything went to shit.  We were following Ellen on the highway when Bobby’s car broke down in the middle of the damn road.  Ellen was gunning it hard and her walkie wasn’t working.  So we had to make it back to the house, we had just got in the Impala when those fucking things showed up.  We didn’t stay long but we couldn't keep driving the Impala.  The distance between Ellen and us was growing and we knew you’d come lookin for us.  We switched Baby out for another of Bobby’s cars at the warehouse and low and behold, fuckin thing broke down on us,” John laughed.  Dean shook his head and stopped a few feet away from a little camp site.  

 

“Who are these people?” Dean asked following his father out of the car.  John smiled at him and pointed to each of them.

 

“Rufus, Jody and her daughter Krissy and that one over there is Cole,” John said.  Dean nodded to each of them and rubbed at his face.

 

“Dean...I’ve been afraid to ask.  I see you got Jess but...what of Castiel?” John asked, his lips pressed in a tight line.  

 

“We got him...and his brother Gabe,” Dean replied with a breathless laugh.  John let out a sigh and nodded, wrapping his arm around Dean’s shoulders.  

 

“Thank God...we’re gonna have a full house,” John grinned.  Dean nodded and stopped his dad from walking away.

 

“We um...we found two others who are at the house too,” Dean said, answering his father’s silent question.

 

“Oh yeah?  You uh, trust them?”

 

“Yeah...he and his boyfriend are good people,” Dean answered, testing out what his father would do.  John merely nodded, clapped him on the shoulder and then turned to leave.

 

“That’s it?” Dean laughed, his voice a little wonderous.  John quirked up a brow and chuckled.

 

“Yeah?  What you think I’d have a problem with it?  Yeah it’s a little weird and I don’t understand how a man can be attracted to another man...I mean I know what we look and act like sometimes, it ain’t always attractive,” John smirked.  His dad sighed and closed the distance between them and cupped the sides of Dean’s face.

 

“But I’ve gotten used to the idea ever since you brought Castiel over.  You’ve been so gone on that boy...It wouldn’t have mattered how many ladies walked by you.  You’d never seem ‘em.  Anyway...you be good to that kid Dean, he’s so much like Mary,” John said, his tone hushed and reverent.  Dean swallowed hard and nodded eagerly, his fingers wrapping around his dad’s wrists to squeeze.

 

“I will…”

 

“Good, now come.  We need to rest a bit before we pack up and get back to the cabin.  Your Aunt Ellen is probably worried herself sick,” John said straightening up and sauntering over towards the others.  Dean watched him a for a moment and found himself smiling brightly.  Things were gonna be okay.


	7. Chapter 7

So I started this with the intention of keeping our love birds separated for longer but I couldn’t do it.  I need them together like air lol.  But don’t worry, I am the queen of angst/drama...it’ll come soon.

 

 

* * *

 

 

“Hey Dean?  Your dad wanted me to come wake you up,” a southern voice prodded at him.  Dean groaned, reaching out and hugging the closest thing to him to his chest.  It smelled like Castiel and he couldn’t help burying his face into it.

 

“Man...if only I had a camera,” the voice chuckled.  Dean blinked his eyes open and automatically flinched away from the stuffed bee he’d been cuddling. He caught Cole’s eyes and both of them snorted.

 

“Not a fucking word man,” Dean laughed rolling over onto his back.  The rocks under his tent were poking into his skin but he tried his hardest to ignore it.  They were closing in on the cabin but Dean knew with the upcoming fork in the road they were gonna have to veer East instead of continuing North.  He was so eager to get home he completely forgot about the list Charlie had made him...and his promise to Castiel.

 

“It’s all good...ya know...if I had something of my girlfriend’s I’d cling onto it and never let the fucking thing go,” Cole sighed.  Dean blinked a few times and sat up.  Cole shook it off with a wave of his hand and forced a smile.

 

“Anyway, John said he found something and we’re gonna be heading out in a few,” Cole said quickly before disappearing out of Dean’s tent.  Dean nodded, taking a few breaths to relax his thudding heart and sore cramped muscles.  He was going to take a very, very long nap when they returned.  A huge smile pulled at his lips, he’d be able to hold Castiel close without fearing what anyone say, especially not his father.  

 

Dean shot up from his makeshift bed, shoving all of his stuff back into the duffell.  The quicker they moved out the sooner they’d get back.  He emerged from the tent and took in a deep breath of the frigid air, the sun just peeking over the horizon.  

 

“Morning son, here,” John called out handing him a plate.  Dean couldn’t recognize what it was but had a feeling it was rabbit again.  He forced it down and greedily accepted the water his dad was handing him with a knowing smirk.

 

“Cole said you found something?” Dean asked.  John nodded, leading the way over towards Bobby’s busted up car.  There was a map lying over the hood with a bunch of marks written in and Dean chewed on his lip, trying to figure out a way to either tell or lead his father in the other direction.  Something hard was thrust into his hands and he blinked in confusion several times before he made it out.

 

“Where did you find this?” Dean gasped holding the radio up closer to his face.

 

“Found an abandoned house a few miles from here, tore it off the car’s console and installed into this one.  I figured...you’d wanna try and get a hold of the cabin, let them know we’re close,” John smiled.  Dean swallowed hard, reaching out to grip his father’s shoulder.

 

“Dad there’s ugh, something I need to talk to you about.  We have to go East instead... “ he stammered.  John’s face fell, his head snapping over to the map.

 

“Why on earth would we do that?” he demanded.  Dean ran a hand over his face as he gently put the control back on the car seat.

 

“Because, Charlie...she needs some stuff and I promised Castiel…”

 

“Dean, we need to regroup with our people.  Once we do, then we can go back out and scavenge...what does Charlie need so badly anyway?” John asked with a laugh.  Dean frowned at him, grabbing his dad’s shirt to keep him from turning.

 

“Charlie’s insanely smart, you know that  She didn’t have to tell me what she’s planning...but I have a list and I’m gonna try to get what she needs,” Dean said.  John rolled his eyes and Dean felt his own anger flare up.

 

“Dean...listen to me.  We can’t detour anymore than we have…” John started but Dean cut him off quickly.

 

“We won’t, look one of the places she wants me to hit is only 15 miles from here.  It’s a small store...in and out,” Dean said pointing to it on the map.  John stared at it for a few minutes, nodding as he contemplated something.

 

“We’re not taking everyone.  Sam and Jess will lead the others to the cabin, Jo and I will come with you to the store,” John said and Dean agreed, taking what he could.  

 

“Now make that call, we move out in 10,” John said with a wink before moving over towards the others.  Dean took in a deep breath and sat down in the passenger seat, his fingers moving the dial around.

 

“This is Dean Winchester, can anyone hear me?” Dean said into the radio, carefully listening for any kind of response.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Castiel sat at his window sill watching the last dregs of rain drip down from the sky.  It had rained for almost two days and he prayed that his newly planted seeds would survive.  He sighed heavily, burrowing his chin into his arms.  Things were quiet around the house, Castiel was sure everyone was still asleep.  Benny was on watch and if he listened carefully enough he could hear the soft steps of the man from above him.  

 

His eyes were slowly drifting closed when he heard something muffled in the distance.  It sounded like a crackle.  He touched the floor with his feet as someone thundered past his bedroom.  Castiel hurried towards his door and opened to catch a brief glimpse of red hair flying past him.  

 

“Charlie?” he called out but didn’t get an answer.  

 

“This is Charlie...Dean is that you?” he could hear her saying.  Castiel didn’t remember flying from his bedroom and down the stairs but he was suddenly behind Charlie was frantically turning the dials of the radio.  It was crackling too much but underneath he could just make out a voice.

 

“This ….Dean….can...me?” Castiel gasped, his hand flying over his mouth when he finally heard Dean’s voice.

 

“Shit...Dean!  Can you hear me?” Charlie called out again.  There was a staticy chuckle and Castiel had to swallow down the lump in his throat.

 

“Can you hear you loud and clear Red...god it’s good to hear your voice.  How’s everything?” Dean asked.  Castiel squirmed as Charlie laughed, scooting over so he could sit next to her.

 

“Good, good.  It’s still raining up here but damn it’s good to hear your voice too Dean-O...there’s someone else here who really wants to say hi,” Charlie said.  There was a soft intake of breath and Castiel couldn't find his voice.

 

“Cas?  Are you there?” Dean asked softly.  Castiel nodded eagerly, only a little squeak leaving his lips.

 

“Yeah he’s here Dean...a little muted at the moment...I’ll leave you two to have your moment,” Charlie snickered.  He felt something squeeze his shoulder and then he was alone with Dean’s wonderful voice.

 

“I’m okay Cas...we found Dad and the others.  Things got a little scary but we’re okay...all of us,” Dean said and Castiel nodded again, his fingers digging into the microphone.

 

“C’mon buddy...say something please?  I need to hear your voice...you doin okay?” Dean prodded but Castiel couldn’t get his damn throat to work.  He let out a gasp and Dean sighed on the other end.

 

“We’ll be home soon...I found something of yours that I know you miss,” Dean chuckled almost a little sadly.

 

“I miss you Dean…” Castiel finally managed to whisper.  Dean breathed out a laugh.

 

“I miss you too baby...God I can’t wait to get back home,” Dean groaned.  Castiel felt his chest squeeze at the pet name.  He never imagined ever being called something like that by Dean but it made his throat tight.

 

“H-How much longer?” Castiel asked.

 

“Another day...maybe two.  Depends on how long it takes to scavenge one of the places Charlie needed supplies from,” Dean said.  Castiel shook his head, a pained noise leaving his throat.

 

“No...come back first.  We have everything we need here Dean...please?”

 

“What about the seeds I promised you?” Dean laughed.  Castiel let out a watery laugh as a few tears trickled down his flamed cheeks.

 

“I don’t care...and Kevin found me some.  Even flowers for the bees,” Castiel answered.  “Dean...please just come back.  You can always go back out some other time…” Castiel pleaded.  Dean made a noise and he could just make out John’s voice in the background.

 

“Alright Cas...you win.  We’ll be home in a few hours…” Dean said, a smile evident in his voice.

 

“Okay...I can’t wait to see you...please be careful,” Castiel said biting down hard on his bottom lip.  Dean chuckled softly, the crackling becoming louder.

 

“We will Cas, I promise,” Dean let out a breath before adding, “Can’t wait to see you either.” There was a click and Castiel swallowed hard, wanting to call out and keep Dean talking to him.  He touched at the microphone a few times before finally moving away from it.  Dean was going to be home soon...back to him.  He smiled brightly and tore out of his seat to get back to Dean’s room.  It was a mess and Castiel set on getting it cleaned up before they arrived.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Dean was too anxious to sit still, his fingers constantly picking at the seat or his jeans.  He didn’t put up too much of a fight when his dad offered to drive, with Dean’s luck he’d have them wrapped around a tree.  His heart pitched when he saw the familiar turn in, the excitement pulling up his lips into a huge grin.  John chuckled next to him but didn’t say much as the truck ambled along the path.  Dean could hear the soft murmurs from the bed of the truck where most of their party was.  Jess, Sam, and Ash were crammed in the back seat while Jody, Krissy and Cole were all the in the bed.  Bobby, Jo and Rufus drove the almost limping station wagon and Dean just thanked who ever was listening that the damn thing didn’t break down again.  They had so much supplies with them that it would have been next to impossible moving everyone and all the stuff too.

 

John had given Dean a warm smile when he had told him about what Castiel said, that he agreed to just do a supply run in a few days instead.  Dean was more than happy to admit that this plan was so much better, he hadn’t realized how much he needed to see Castiel until he’d heard his scratchy voice over the radio.

 

“Hey, looks like we got a welcoming party,” John said pointing out towards something.  Dean’s head snapped up and he laughed when he saw not only Cas but Ellen, Charlie and Kevin as well.  Dean figured Benny was on watch, he could just make out a moving figure on the balcony.  

 

“God it’s good to be back,” Jess groaned, making Dean smile even bigger.  Castiel was visibly bouncing on his toes and the second the truck stopped he was running.  Dean quickly got out of the cab and opened his arms just in time to catch him, laughing as they staggered back.

 

“I missed you so much,” Castiel groaned burying his face into the crook of Dean’s neck.  One arm wrapped tightly around Castiel’s waist while the other raised up so he could tangle his fingers into that thick mop of hair.

 

“Oh thank God,” Ellen cried out, yanking both Jo and Ash into her arms while Bobby hugged around all three of them.  Dean couldn’t really focus on the others, he was too busy breathing in Castiel’s fresh scent, the slight woodsy smell that clung to his skin and clothes.

 

“Alright, alright, grab some stuff everyone and get inside!” John called out and Dean had to force himself to pull away, one arm still around Castiel’s waist to keep him close.  Castiel didn’t seem to mind one bit, allowing for Bobby to pile some lighter things into his arms.  Dean smiled appreciatively to his uncle and followed the others into the house, his own arms full of their supplies.  

 

The house was so warm and smelled incredible, Ellen must have been making lunch or something.  His stomach was growling almost obnoxiously and he found himself being dragged into the kitchen once they had everything brought in from the cars.  He watched with a fond smile as Castiel busied around, filling up a plate to put in front of Dean.

 

“C’mere,” Dean laughed pulling Castiel down to sit on his lap, the blush on his best friend's face almost too adorable.  Dean bit his lip before sneaking in a kiss to his jaw before digging into the sandwich.  It was good and filled his belly nicely but he was dying to lie down and even more so to cuddle the shit out of his boyfriend.  He could feel the color filling his cheeks as that word rattled around in his brain….boyfriend.  Castiel smiled down at him and gently wiped some mayo from the corner of his lip.

 

“What are you thinking about?” he asked.  Dean laughed softly, shrugging as he pulled Castiel a little closer.

 

“How strange it is that I can call you my boyfriend now,” Dean answered.  Castiel’s own face turned a bit red and he ducked his head down almost shyly.

 

“A good strange?”

 

“Very good,” Dean grinned.  Castiel laughed softly and waited patiently for him to finish, the others busying themselves around the house.  Dean felt the nerves flutter in his chest when he gently pulled Castiel into the family room where his dad was.

 

“We’re gonna go lay down for a bit,” Dean said, his hand shaking a little as his dad turned around slowly.  It still freaked him out that his dad was so accepting but he was still waiting for the other shoe to drop.  John merely looked at them, waved his hand and turned back to discuss something with Bobby and Rufus.  Dean nearly did a happy dance before pulling Castiel up to his room...well, their room now.  Now that they could, Dean wasn’t going to let Castiel suffer through his nightmares anymore.

 

“Dean...are...are you sure that this is okay?  I mean I can understand at night because I have issues but…”

 

“Cas...c’mon, you don’t have ‘issues’.  You have nightmares and I really think that this is okay and going to be amazing.  I’m so tired and all I can think about is snuggling the shit out of you right now,” Dean laughed.  Castiel snorted, playfully punching him in the arm.  A little yelp left his mouth when Dean tackled him to the bed, tickling mercilessly at his sides.    

 

“Dean! Stop!  I-I can’t breathe!” Castiel giggled, wiggling around to get away from Dean’s grip.  Dean kept at it for a minute before stopping, pulling Castiel closer as he hovered over him.  Castiel looked beautiful, eyes bright with a huge gummy smile.  Dean traced his bottom lip with his thumb and leaned in slowly, very gently pressing their lips together.  Castiel sighed, his breath tickling Dean’s cheek.  The kiss didn’t get any deeper and Dean was perfectly content with that, completely enraptured with the feeling of Castiel pressed close to him.

 

“Thank you for coming back Dean…” Castiel whispered when Dean pulled back just a little.  He knew it was cheesy but he rubbed their noses together and loved the little giggle Castiel made.

 

“You are more than welcome...either when we get up or tomorrow you wanna show me what you planted already?” Dean asked.  Castiel nodded eagerly and they moved around on the bed until Dean was spooning Castiel from behind, his face buried into the back of his neck.

  
  



	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: I’m not sure how to tag this but there is a very small brief mention of something that happened in war with Rufus.

 

* * *

 

The next morning Dean found not only himself, but Castiel, John and several others outside looking at the massive amount of work that had been done.  Dean was insanely impressed that the ground was clear of debris and the dirt was tilled until it felt like butter.  John was nodding, looking around and gently dragging his fingers through an unplanted part of the dirt.  Castiel looked at them anxiously, his arms wrapped around himself tightly.  His poor glasses were sitting a bit askew on his face but Dean didn’t have the heart to fix them in front of everyone.

 

“I gotta say Cassie, this is awesome,” Gabriel said writing down on the little map he had drawn to keep track of the plants.  Castiel beamed at his brother and chewed on his bottom lip, those bright blue eyes glancing towards John and Bobby.  

 

“You did real good kid, real good.  This will definitely help with food rationing,” John said reaching out to ruffle Castiel’s hair.  Dean grinned and moved closer to his boyfriend, tentatively taking his hand.  

 

“Kevin helped me,” Castiel finally managed to pipe in.  Both of the older men nodded, giving Kevin a pat on the shoulder as they passed him on their way back to the house.  

 

“This is awesome, I didn’t expect you to be finished this soon with it all,” Dean said in awe.  Castiel shrugged a bit, a little blush tinting his sun warmed cheeks.

 

“You were gone and I was bored,” he said softly.  Dean smiled, not able to stop himself from kissing Castiel’s temple.  Ellen had been the first to tell him just how “bored” Castiel had gotten and it broke Dean’s heart that he hadn’t been here to help him through his nightmares.  But they were all together now and safe.  That’s all that mattered and Castiel wasn’t holding it against him thankfully.

 

“I was thinking we should create a shade over them when they start to sprout, to keep the summer sun off of them.  We should even think about building an entire shelter for winter…” Sam rambled on circling around the plot.  Dean laughed, wrapping his arm around Castiel’s shoulders to pull him in closer.  

 

“Sammy...winter is coming first so...may wanna think about that one instead,” Dean said interrupting the constant babble.  His little brother chuckled as he nodded, running over to Kevin to start talking about what they would need.

 

“I’m glad everyone seems to like it,” Castiel said softly.  Dean bit his lip and gently turned Castiel’s face up towards him.

 

“They love it Cas, you should have a little more faith in yourself,” he said softly.  Castiel sighed a little and nodded.

 

“I know...I’m trying.  Can we go lay down?” Castiel grumbled.  Dean frowned a bit and glanced up at the sky.  The last he checked it was around noon when they all came out here to see Castiel’s progress.  

 

“You sure?” Dean asked.  With Castiel’s nod he took his hand and began to lead the way towards the house.

 

“Only for an hour though, Ellen’s making lunch and then I have to go on watch.  Was thinking you could come up with me?”

 

“Wouldn’t that be fruitless though?  You’re supposed to be on look out…”

 

“Yeah but I know all you’re gonna do is read,” Dean grinned tugging his boyfriend closer.  Castiel giggled softly, ducking his face down to hide his blush.  They waved to the others in the house as they hurried through, John giving him a stern look about not being late for watch.  Dean nodded and got them back up to their room, diving onto the bed as Castiel went towards the bags.

 

Sitting up Dean watched him with a grin, knowing exactly what was on top of the very bag Castiel was trying to unzip.  The black and yellow fur peeked out and the squeak that Castiel made had to be the most adorable thing Dean had ever heard.  

 

“Dean!” Castiel cried hugging the little stuff animal tightly to his chest, his eyes growing wet with unshed tears.

 

“Hey...hey come here.  What’s wrong?” Dean asked quickly scooting towards the edge of the bed.  Castiel whimpered a little and crawled into his lap, the knuckles of his fingers nearly white with the grip he had on the bee.

 

“You don’t remember...do you?” Castiel asked as he sniffled little, his grip loosening just a smidge.  Dean wracked his brain for what he should be remembering and then it hit him.  He squeezed his eyes tight and let out a breath to calm himself.  He had completely forgotten where that bee had even come from.

 

“The carnival,” Dean whispered.  Castiel nodded, his hand raising to wipe at what Dean assumed were tears.  He took his glasses off and gently placed them on the bed before snuggling back into Dean’s chest.

 

“It’s okay that you don’t remember Dean because I do.  It had been something silly to you but this had meant the world to me,” Castiel explained petting through the soft fur.  

 

“I remember it now Cas, I’m sorry,” Dean said turning his face to press a kiss to his boyfriend’s forehead.  It was during the very beginning of their friendship, where Dean had no idea what he was doing in regards to Castiel.  The kid had been strange but it was a good strange, something that kept drawing him in enough that he was constantly at his side.  He had already stood up to Cas’s older bitch sister Anna and the day of the faire, he had stood up to Luc.  Castiel had cried the entire way and Dean freaked out thinking he had done something wrong and hurt Castiel.  Once he calmed down enough to talk he was able to tell Dean that no one stood up for him, not once.  Especially not to his siblings.  Gabriel gave up when they were children and just left Castiel to suffer alone.

 

Dean had done everything in his power to make Castiel smile that night, one of which when he had won that stupid little bee.  It becoming one of Castiel’s most treasured belongings.  How Dean could have even forgotten that was beyond him.

 

“You have nothing to be sorry for Dean.  Even though you may forgotten, you knew how much I loved this and grabbed it for me.  Thank you,” Castiel said moving around so that he could look into Dean’s face with that precious gummy smile Dean loved so much.  

 

“Okay, okay.  C’mon, let’s take a nap before I gotta go up,” Dean chuckled pulling his boyfriend closer and collapsing back onto the bed.  Castiel giggled and rolled over until his face was pressed into Dean’s chest.  Both of them settled with a sigh and before Dean could have another thought he passed out blissfully.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Castiel sat perched up on several pillows and blankets reading one of the many books Ellen had thankfully brought with her to the cabin.  It was one he had read before but it worked to keep him occupied enough to not disrupt Dean too much.  Though, his boyfriend did like to sit next to him even if they didn’t talk at all.  The touch of their arms made Castiel sigh happily and sometimes a kiss would be pressed into his temple.  Castiel loved the little gestures that Dean would make towards him but it did make him wonder if Dean needed more.  

 

The words on the current page he was reading blurred again and he sighed petulantly, gazing up at Dean who was looking through his binoculars.  Castiel knew he shouldn’t ask...he shouldn’t even be up here with Dean but it was burning on his tongue until he made a small noise that had Dean turning to him.

 

“You okay?” he asked with a quirked brow.  Castiel opened his mouth but nothing came out, his hands flailing a bit in his lap.  Dean laughed a little and did one more sweep before sitting down in the chair across from him.

 

“Cas?”

 

“Are you happy?” Castiel asked in a rush, his cheeks turning a bit pink.  Dean frowned a little and shrugged.

 

“As happy as I can be at the moment I guess?” Dean answered.  Castiel shook his head and took in a few calming breaths.

 

“Are you happy...with me? I mean, all we’ve done is snuggle and kiss a few times…”

 

“Whoa hey, stop. Cas, c’mon...I need you to listen very carefully.  I don’t need sex to validate how much we care about each other okay?  Sex is probably the farthest thing in my mind right now.  Keeping everyone and you safe is though,” Dean said sternly.  Castiel blushed at Dean’s bluntness but he was also grateful for it as well.  He hated the tip toeing and hints...he needed things laid out for him to understand.

 

And though Dean’s answer should have made him ecstatic, he was still curious.

 

“Okay but...do you want too?  I mean eventually?” Castiel asked chewing on his lip.  It was Dean’s turn now to blush, his lips upturned into a bashful smile as he rubbed the back of his neck.

 

“Well...yeah.  I mean, at some point.  But only if you want too of course,” Dean added quickly.  Castiel smiled, pulling his knees up to his chest and nodded.  

 

“Okay,” Castiel said simply, turning back to his book.  Out of the corner of his eye he could see the huge smile on Dean’s face before he got back up to continue on with his watch.  Castiel bit his lip and settled back against his pillow.  It wasn’t like he was completely against having sex, he just never felt the urge to have it or seek it out.  He’d only touched himself once and it had been pleasant but found it took far too much time.  

 

But with Dean...Castiel found himself studying his boyfriend, focusing on the lines of his back and the way his legs bowed out.  There was a lick of heat in his belly and he stifled a little gasp.  He’d never felt that before, not even with all the porn Gabriel had forced him to watch.  He was definitely willing to waste time being with Dean.

 

“Shit…” Dean hissed, the rifle quickly being snapped up and pointed directly at something.  That lick of arousal soured into fear and Castiel was quickly shuffling to the other side of the sniper hut.

 

“Dean?” he whispered.  His boyfriend ignored him for a second before he was pulling out of his stiff stance with a groan.

 

“It’s a fucking dead one….”

 

“Are you sure?  I thought they weren’t supposed to be able to get up here?” Castiel squeaked, spinning around to peer over the edge.  He couldn’t see it clearly but there was something towards the edge of the property and it was staggering.

 

“Yeah...I can try to get it from here but I don’t want the shot to attract more.  Cas, I need you to go get my dad and tell him where it is. Then keep your ass inside,” Dean ordered.  Castiel opened and closed his mouth a few times, not wanting to leave Dean’s side.

 

“Hey...you’re gonna be okay.  I have to keep an eye on it, please Cas?” Dean asked, his tone much softer this time.  Castiel nodded timidly and before he could descend down the stairs, Dean was tilting his face up for a small kiss.  He had to put all his focus on getting down the ladder without falling, the feeling of Dean’s lips on his making them tingle.  

 

He shimmied down into the basement and then went flying through the house looking for John.  He was gasping by the time he found them all in the kitchen.

 

“Cas?  What’s wrong?” Ellen asked.  John’s head popped up and seemed to instantly know.

 

“Where?” he demanded grabbing up his huge bowie knife.  Bobby grabbed his rifle and headed for the door.

 

“At the edge of the property, Dean said there’s only one right now,” he managed to say, pointing in the direction they’d seen it.  John gave him a curt nod, Bobby and Rufus both following him as he ran out the door.  Castiel cringed, instantly moving out of reach when Ellen tried to touch him.  For just one split second he thought they had escaped it...for just a little while at least.  He turned on his heel and hurried up to his shared bedroom, curling up in one of the corners.  There were a few shouts from outside and Castiel did his best to cover his ears.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Dean watched from the scope as his dad, Bobby and Rufus ran across the lot.  The dead one was just at the fence, it’s arms swinging faster when it smelled fresh meat.  It made Dean’s stomach curl but he watched until he saw the thing get put down.  Once they were clear Dean pulled away with a frown.  When there was one, there had to be more.  He knew his dad and without waiting for him to be summoned he hurried out of the sniper hut.  His want to check on Castiel made him almost turn the other way once he got into the hallway but he forced himself to go outside.

 

Sure enough, anyone who could shoot was grouping outside.

 

“We need to start doing sweeps, keeping watch is essential...but daily sweeps are a must now as well.  We can set up traps all around the perimeter too,” John was saying as Dean got closer.

 

“Doing sweeps is only going to work so much on a few here and there...but what if a herd comes along,” Charlie piped in.  John quirked a brow at her and Dean knew there was a snarky comment coming.  Before he could stop him though Charlie held out her hand to quiet John.

 

“I know you think I’m just some geek who plays too many video games.  But you gotta remember John Winchester, that survivalists are consulted in created these games.  Some of these games give you some of the best, worst case scenario situations ever.  And one of them, is what the fuck do you do when you’re being over run by not just 5 or even 10...but a hundred.  Hell even the mythbusters did it to prove that you can’t survive a herd with just a gun,” Charlie shot out.  By the time she was done her eyes were wide and John was grinning like a madman.

 

“Alright then nerd, tell us what we should do instead,” John said crossing his arms over his chest.  Dean smirked but turned to listen as well.

 

“Okay….okay um first, we need to realize that no matter how big our fence is...that the wind is going to carry the scent of live flesh, drawing these dead ones from any direction.  So first, the fences need to be reinforced, then I need someone to do a supply run to an electrical store.  We have enough power that I can create a pretty jenky security system to alert us when anything crosses it.  Not just the dead ones,” Charlie started.  Dean eyed his dad on that one and was pretty proud when John actually looked apologetic.

 

“What else Char?” Bobby grinned.  Charlie took in a deep breath and outright preened with the attention.

 

“I agree that sweeps and someone on watch is essential but again, that won’t stop them from constantly coming.  And we will only have so many arrows and so many bullets for so long.  We need to mask our scent.  It’ll be gross but...I think we need to go a bit medieval here...create shallow trenches filled with dead ones,” Charlie said, holding the breath she had drawn in.  The older of their group looked at each other and seemed to nod slowly one by one.

 

“It definitely works in war...can’t wiggle out of wire no matter how hard you try,” Rufus drawled, his face scrunched up painfully.  Dean swallowed hard but didn't’ say anything.  He didn’t have the right too and even so, the look was quickly wiped away.

 

“And if they’re smelling dead meat, they’ll keep looking elsewhere if they don't’ get trapped in wire or the trenches,” Jess piped in.  

 

“Okay...we’re forgetting something here.  Charlie, the plan is amazing but that only stops the dead ones.  What about the living?  Dean was almost shot up for just a stupid truck and a bag full of guns.  We have a damn stronghold with some of the smartest people living here...what do we do about them?” Kevin asked.  Dean spun around to see the kid standing outside of their little circle.

 

“That’s why we have a watch system and the sweeps will help in noticing if something or someone is sneaking up,” Bobby said.

 

“No offense but that’s not going to work if someone is actively spying on us.  They’ll learn the schedule and take anyone out one by one,” Kevin argued, “Look, I’m not saying it’s a bad plan but the security system Charlie wants to create...should be put in between the house and the trenches.  Then that way we can assume, whatever got past is alive.  And no one goes out alone.”

 

John laughed softly and nodded, looking around at all of them before gesturing towards the house, “Well then, seems like we got some much needed planning to do.  Meanwhile, I want Dean and Sammy doing the first sweep.  No more than a mile around the house, got it?” John ordered.  Both of them nodded and Jess sidled up to Sam with a challenging look to John.  Their dad simply chuckled, waving them off as the rest of their group went back inside.

 

“Alright fellas, no guns,” she said handing them each a knife, keeping her one handed crossbow for herself.

 

“Man, she’s like a female version of Daryl,” Dean grinned.  

 

“But oh so much prettier,” she giggled swinging her long blonde hair for added measure.  Dean covered his mouth to keep from laughing and headed out.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Dean wiped at his face with a tired groan.  It had been 2 hours, three dead ones and a fall into a mud puddle later when they finally trudged back to the house.  Thankfully the three that they had come across were already trapped in the mud and it had taken one mistaken step from Dean that found them.  He slipped down a hill (much like Cas had done) and landed face first into a mud pool.  The dead ones were a mere 5ft away and Dean nearly choked on the mud as he tried to scramble away.  

 

Jess had fired off two arrows by the time Sam had crashed through to slam his knife into the third.  If Dean hadn’t had the two of them with him, he might have reacted too late.  Sam and Jess were eager to keep what happened quiet but Dean shook his head, needing to tell the others at least about the ones they found.

 

Dean waved tiredly to the others and got himself upstairs, barely getting the door open when something heavy flew at him.  He grunted but held on as Castiel clung to his dirty clothes.

 

“Are you okay?  What happened?” Castiel demanded quietly, his hands skirting all over Dean’s face.

 

“I’m fine Cas...kinda pulled a you and slipped down a hill,” Dean grinned, feeling a bit relieved when Castiel’s face softened.

 

“You were gone so long...I got worried,” Castiel sighed hugging around him again.  Dean sighed, letting his head rest on top of Castiel’s.

 

“I know...I’m sorry.  I’m here now but, I do need a shower.  Think you can wait a few more minutes?” Dean asked cupping the side of Cas’s face.  

 

“No...I’ll just join you,” Castiel said and it made Dean swallow hard.  Showering together?  Naked?

 

“Uh…” Dean stammered as Castiel grabbed up a few towels.  Castiel didn’t even answer him, just tugged on his hand towards the bathroom down the hall.

 

“Cas wait…”

 

“It’s okay Dean,” Castiel said reaching out to start taking Dean’s shirt off.  When he felt fingers against his bare skin he scrambled to scoop up Castiel’s wrists.

 

“Stop...Cas.  I don’t want you to be uncomfortable if I get...you know.  Seeing you naked and wet…” Dean stopped himself, his brain short circuiting with just the thought alone.  Castiel blushed crimson and uttered a very soft oh but his eyes, fuck his eyes were so blue and damn near sparkling.  

 

“I-I wouldn’t mind if you...became aroused,  I’ve only seen another man’s...” Castiel stammered waving his hand near Dean’s pelvis.

 

“Dick?” Dean supplied with a smirk.  Castiel huffed but nodded.

 

“Yes...dick, in porn.”

 

Dean’s head spun and he had to balance himself on the sink, one hand reaching out to grab his boyfriend’s shoulder, “Wait, porn?  You’ve watched porn?”

 

“Most of it was hetero, Gabriel thought it would help me from being so ‘frigid’” Castiel muttered.  Dean felt his chest squeeze and was already shaking his head before the sentence had even finished.

 

“Cas...you are not frigid.  There’s a word for it I just can’t remember what it is.  Later we can talk to Charlie because I’m sure she knows but you are not frigid,” Dean demanded.  Castiel merely shrugged and Dean groaned in frustration.

 

“There is absolutely nothing fucking wrong with you Cas.  Nothing.  I’d still want to be with you whether you craved sex or didn’t want a damn thing to do with it.  But, you have to know that I will get a boner at times...especially if we get in that shower together,” Dean said, his words growing a bit softer near the end.  Castiel bit his lip, those glittering eyes scanning down Dean’s body until they rested on his pants.  Dean couldn’t help it, his dick twitched and steadily grew hard the longer Castiel stared.

 

“I arouse you?” Castiel gasped in wonder, his hands trembling a bit at his sides.  Dean licked his dry lips and nodded.

 

“Yes...are you okay with that?” Dean asked softly, watching closely as one of Castiel's hand twitched, nearly reaching out to touch at Dean’s jeans.

 

“Yes...it’s strange because I have never felt this way before,” Castiel said swallowing hard.  Dean nodded, and pulled Castiel closer, tilting up his face to kiss him.  He hated that others made Castiel feel less or wrong about himself.  It wasn’t right and he’d have to hold back the urge to punch Gabriel in the face the next time he saw him.  

 

Castiel pulled back with a soft smile and tugged on Dean’s shirt again, biting his bottom lip when Dean finally pulled it over his head.  They had seen each other shirtless before but this was just a tad different.  This time Castiel was actually touching him, his fingers brushing over his chest and stomach.  Dean shivered but otherwise remained still as Castiel continued to explore.  

 

Trembling fingers went for his pants and Dean nearly stopped him again to ask if he was okay but Castiel shook his head, popping open the button of his jeans.  Dean took in a slow breath as the wet denim was pushed down his legs.  There was still a piece of cloth between Castiel and Dean’s crotch but the outline of his hardon was easy to see.

 

“My turn?” Castiel asked shyly, lifting up his arms.  Dean grinned and eased off his shirt.  He had a bit of a tan line from being outside so much lately but Dean loved it, his boyfriend was gorgeous and Dean traced over his stomach the same way Castiel had his.  

 

“No matter what, you feel uncomfortable at all you tell me okay?” Dean whispered his hands hesitating at Castiel’s pants.  He nodded eagerly and Dean got them undone.  They were pretty big on him so they just plopped to the ground audibly.  Dean was extremely shocked but yet proud to see that Castiel was aroused as well.  He traced around the band of his underwear, loving how Castiel shivered and shuffled closer.  

 

“C’mon, let’s get in the shower,” Dean said leaning in to kiss him slowly.

 

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next up: Castiel and Dean explore some more in the shower and Castiel may finally figure out what he is.


	9. Chapter 9

Just to let you all know that my DCBB is finally up! It's called Before the Dawn, let me know what you think!


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew it's been a while! Been working hard on NaNoWriMo the past month! I co-wrote with swlfangirl on a story that's 154 pages long and 77,751 words lol. I have no clue where/when it'll be posted but if anyone is interested in reading it let me know!

 

* * *

Bobby threw down a clean map of just their area over the dining table and handed Charlie a pen, "There you go kiddo. You make notes, draw where you need things and we'll help take care of it. Kevin, you help her plan. John, Rufus and I will start working on a schedule. We also want everyone single one of you handy with at least a handgun. There will be no weak links in this family," he called out. Everyone in the room nodded their heads slowly.

"I'm pretty good with hand to hand and knife wielding, if you'd like someone to help train with that," their newest member Benny offered. Bobby nodded and added that to his mental list. Cole was army and also has weapons training and could help with the others. Jody had been a sheriff who taught her daughter Krissy everything about gun safety. So at least the newcomers didn't have to be watched closesly. Bobby let out a relieved breath. The more everyone knew how to handle a weapon or just things in general, the more at east he could feel. Charlie and Kevin weren't the only ones who'd seen hundreds of doomsday films or zombie flicks.

"Good, how's Alfie's ankle?" he asked shaking himself into the present. He looked down with a grim smile at all the drawing Charlie was already making. Benny shuffled a bit and ran his fingers through his short hair.

"It's healin...he knows how to shoot, showed him right after the shit hit the fan. Damn good little sniper if I do say so myself," he answered with a proud smile. Bobby nodded.

"Good, then I'll have you two up in the nest for first watch tonight. Us old farts are gonna walk the property, make our own list of any weak spots in the fence. In time, I wanna make that higher and solid...but we need materials," Bobby grumbled. A hand smoothed up his back and he instantly lost most of the tension in his neck.

"There's that neighborhood down the way that's been abandoned for months. Jo and I…"

"Ell…"

"Don't even pull that macho crap with me Singer. You know Jo and I are quiet, we'll even take Jody and Krissy with us as back up," She said crossly. Bobby frowned deep but nodded, having to agree. There would be hell to pay if he even so much as suggested that his girls stay home where it was safer. Honestly, it had nothing to do that they were women, hell they'd kick his ass up and down the road (and Ellen has when he chose to go on a bender) if they wanted too. Bobby was an old crotchety man but his girls were his soft spot...if anything were to happen to them…

"Hey now, all we're doin is scouting, just to see if there are any materials we may need. We won't even get out of the car," Ellen said softly. Bobby nodded minutely, casting a glance over at Jo who was giving him that same smile Ellen always did.

"You better," he whispered. Ellen kissed his cheek and a several awwws flitted around him and Bobby playfully pushed the woman away.

"Alright...let's get to work."

* * *

Dean ran his fingers through the spray of water and tried in vain to not stare over at Castiel. His boyfriend was leaning up against the wall, maybe a foot away just waiting for the water heater to kick on. Dean was never more grateful for the fact that they had their own energy source and actual hot water.

"O-Okay, it's warm now," Dean stammered. Castiel bit his lip, nodding as he pushed away from the wall. Dean sucked in a breath but let it out slowly when his boyfriend's hands tentatively touched his sides. This was all new territory for him, sure he had a girlfriend before in high school but it didn't last very long. Not with the way she kept trying to pry herself between him and Cas. Dean wasn't cool with that, at all. So, she broke up with him after three weeks. The closest thing he had ever gotten to sex was getting a hasty blow job and some heavy petting. He'd never been with another guy before.

"Can you get in first?" Castiel asked swallowing hard. Dean nodded and grinned when Castiel quickly turned away. He hooked his thumbs in his boxers and quickly got them down. It was strange but he was kinda glad his erection had cooled down a bit. He didn't want to freak Castiel out before they could even touch each other.

The water was nice and hot now, the groan leaving his mouth couldn't be helped. He could just make out the Castiel's silhouette as he drew closer, the shapes of his arms unfolding to quickly push down his own boxers. Dean swallowed hard and moved further back to make room for him.

Castiel was a natural blusher, it was so easy to get that adorable tinge on his cheeks but right now, he resembled a damn tomato. If Dean wasn't so nervous himself, he'd think it was pretty endearing. As it was, he kept his distance and tried to not look down.

"You okay?" Dean asked softly. Castiel took in a deep breath and nodded, blinking up those beautiful cerulean eyes at him. Dean felt a knot loosen in his chest and he stepped closer, making sure to keep their eyes locked as he leaned in to kiss Castiel gently, a hand rising to cup his cheek.

"I'm just nervous," Castiel whispered against his lips. Dean smiled, nudging their noses together before kissing him again.

"I am too. I've gotten pretty good at reading you now but you gotta let me know if you can't handle any more," Dean said softly. Castiel gave him a bright gummy smile and Dean groaned, kissing him a bit deeper, alternating between nibbling and sucking on Castiel's lower lip. If the soft mewls leaving his boyfriend's mouth were anything to go by, he was enjoying it and even silently asked for more.

The kisses slowed down as they alternated between brushing their lips together to tracing fingertips over slick skin. Dean held his breath as Castiel looked down between them, a soft intake of breath barely heard over the rush of water. Dean felt like his heart was going to pound right out of his chest as Castiel traced his ribs going lower to drag his thumb over his hip bone.

"You haven't looked at me yet," Castiel said softly.

Dean pushed out a laugh and bit his lip,"Sorry sweetheart…" Castiel ducked his face down shyly and something in Dean's chest swelled as he hooked a finger under Castiel's face to tip his head back a bit. He brushed barely there kisses along his lips, jawline and down to his neck, enjoying the soft noises Castiel was making.

Finally, Dean leaned back just enough to trace every line of Castiel's body, his thin waist and those amazing sharp hip bones Dean knew he was going to be obsessed with the second he touched them. He let out a slow breath as he looked even lower, his heart spiking in his chest at the non existent hair on his lower stomach.

"Y-You shave?" Dean stammered, his eyes bulging a bit when there wasn't even any around the base of his semi hard shaft.

"I heard it was more hygenic a-and…" Castiel stammered, his face returning back to that lovely shade of crimson.

"And what Cas?" Dean prodded.

"I liked how I looked," he said quickly, trying in vain to hide his face. Dean grinned wide, gently pushing Cas back just enough to look at his body even further. Castiel was beautiful with clothes on, his gummy smiles and the crinkles by his eyes doing something to Dean nothing else had. Now that Dean was seeing him with nothing between them his breath was stolen. If he wasn't so worried how Castiel would react, Dean would have dropped to his knees by now.

He wasn't aware of just how calculating Castiel's stare had gotten on his own body, he was so busy memorizing his boyfriend's that he nearly jumped when a cool hand touched his hip. It was then he also realized that Castiel hadn't gotten under the water and was shivering a bit. Dean quickly switched their positions and it was instantaneous, the burning he got down in his gut seeing all that water cascading down Castiel's body.

"Shit…" Dean gasped, really wanting to lean in and start kissing him but Castiel turned up a curious glance and Dean felt like he was floating.

"Dean? What's wrong?" he asked. Dean swallowed hard and promised he would pull away if Castiel needed him too but he gently pushed them closer to the wall, trapping Castiel between his arms as he kissed him. Castiel moaned softly against his lips and those long fingers dragged slowly down Dean's back until they rested right above his ass.

"I wish I had a better vocabulary...you are so fucking beautiful," he said, laughing a bit at how ridiculous he sounded. Castiel blushed, his slightly kiss swollen lip caught between white teeth.

"I think that was utterly sufficient," Castiel snickered. Dean shook his head with a snort, nuzzling his nose into Castiel's neck.

"We should clean up before we use all the hot water," Castiel hummed, tilting his head a bit for Dean to press kisses along his pulse point.

"Was this all okay though Cas?" Dean asked softly, reaching out to grab the bottle of shampoo.

"Mmm, yes. I rather like seeing you naked...you have an amazing body and I do feel excited by it," Castiel answered, another hum leaving his lips when Dean started washing his hair. The comment bounced around Dean's head and the more it repeated the more Dean grinned.

"Well, that makes me happy and you uh well…" Dean snickered gesturing to his own budding erection. Castiel stared at it for a moment before biting his lip, trying to stifle the huge smile.

"And yes, that's all you," Dean whispered, kissing Castiel's cheek.

* * *

Castiel pulled the sleeves of Dean's hoodie over his fingers and took in a deep breath as he walked through the house to try and find Charlie. Everyone was keeping quiet, relaxing near the fire or at the kitchen table discussing plans and schedules. He wanted to join to at least be involved in the knowing but he had to have this conversation with Charlie first.

He finally found her curled up on the couch with her ever present laptop, "Hey Charlie," he said moving closer. She looked up at him with tired eyes but gave him a smile none the less. Lifting up her legs Castiel quickly sat down so she could drape them over his thighs.

"How are ya Cas?" she asked with a sigh. Castiel played with a thread from the bottom of her pjs and shrugged a bit.

"I'm good. I don't think I'll ever stop being nervous...not until everything Dean told me you and Kevin brought up is in place. Dean...he wants to teach me how to shoot," he answered, feeling the color drain from his face. Charlie stopped in her clicking and glanced up at him with a quirked brow.

"Cas...I understand that you don't like guns but...you have to know how to use them," she said quietly.

"I know, I think I'm more afraid of shooting Dean by accident," Castiel snickered, loving at the sudden laugh Charlie gave. She covered her mouth and sunk further down on the couch to hide from the curious stares they were now getting from the older men.

"Yeah, we can't have that. We kinda need Dean-O," she giggled. Castiel snickered, reaching out to grab the blanket that had been draped over the back of the couch.

"There was something else I need to talk to you about if you don't mind?" Castiel asked softly, covering up both of their legs. Charlie nodded, did some more clicking before lowering the screen of her laptop and placing it on the coffee table. She scooted closer and gestured for him to start.

"Dean said, well he thought maybe you'd know what was wrong with me…"

"Wait, Dean said that? Cas, there is no-"

"No! No, D-Dean didn't, I mean he said you could help me figure out...ugh this coming out wrong," Castiel stammered. Dean had never once said anything was wrong with him, actually he'd been the only one to ever correct him of saying that about himself.

"I-I don't know how to explain it but...I feel very dissociated from sex," Castiel murmured, knowing that not only had the color returned but now his face was burning. Instead of the condemning looks or guffaw of laughter he was expecting, he got a strange look all together. Charlie was staring at him like this was something she already knew. Castiel's mouth dropped open and Charlie laughed softly, gently taking his hand in hers.

"Cas, there is definitely nothing wrong with you. Yeah you're peculiar with extremely high anxiety but there is nothing wrong with you. Your family, even Gabriel didn't want to 'deal' with you because they didn't know how. It's why you clung so hard onto Dean because he does. And the dissociation with sex...Cas, that's more common than you think," she explained. Castiel swallowed hard and was already shaking his head before she could finish. There was no way it was common, not with the way his peers acted in school or how his own siblings turned their nose up around him.

"Listen to me, have you ever heard of the term asexual?" she asked. Castiel shook his head.

"Asexuality in simple terms is basically a lack of sexual attraction to a person, or just even an absent interest in sexual activities," Charlie explained, "But it's a spectrum like all sexuality and genders are. I'm a lesbian, Dean's bi-sexual, Sam and Jess are hetero…"

"I'm gay," Castiel finished for her with a little smile. Charlie grinned and squeezed his fingers.

"See? Dean didn't even realize he was bi-sexual until he met you. And no you didn't 'turn' him into one, you just made it possible for him to actually take notice in it."

Castiel nodded, taking a glance over at the others in the room before swallowing hard, "You said asexuality is a spectrum...where do I fall on that? Because, I am sexually attracted to Dean. My brother, he forced me to watch all kinds of porn and nothing got me...excited. Benny's a very good looking man but I'm not turned on by him...or Cole," Castiel said softly.

"You could be Demi, which is that you only feel a sexual attraction with someone you have a deep emotional connection with. In which case with Dean, you definitely do."

"So...this is common?"

"More common than you think," Charlie answered. Castiel took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. The more he thought about it the more sense it made. As soon as Charlie even explained those terms something clicked deep inside his chest, a swell of calm resonating throughout his body. He was still 'quirky' as Charlie called him but at least, the other parts weren't as strange or wrong as he thought. And if Dean could still want him the way he was, then Castiel could work on accepting himself.

"Feel better?" Charlie asked. Castiel huffed out a laugh and nodded eagerly.

"Much. I know it's a strange thing to be so worried about during a time like this-"

"There is never a good time or a right time all that matters is how you feel. And honestly, the more at peace you are with yourself the less distracted you'll be," Charlie said.

"You're right. Thanks Charlie," he said leaning over to give the girl a huge hug. Charlie giggled and squeezed him tight before playfully pushing him off.

"Now get, I've got work to do," she said with a wink.

Feeling much calmer than he had been in a really long he bravely went into the kitchen. He stood there for a moment, not really knowing where he could even join in on the conversation when John turned to look at him.

"Oh hey kiddo, c'mere, show me what other plans you have for the gardening," he said holding his hand out. Castiel swallowed around the sudden lump in his throat and nodded, quickly moving into the space next to John and quickly going into what he, Kevin and Sam had discussed earlier.


	11. Chapter 11

Oh Jeez, so sorry it’s been this long!

* * *

  
  


~Five Weeks Later~

  


Dean shoved another water bottle into his bag with a sigh, his head already pounding with the idea of going on another run while it was freezing out.  He agreed and completely disagreed with this plan.  They were going on a huge 3 day run.  An enormous storm was preparing itself to move right over top of them and they had to be ready.  

 

Castiel was working around the clock to make sure his greenhouses were well stocked and could withstand the elements within.  Sam and Kevin were helping him keep it maintained.  Dean had found hundreds of seeds on the run a week ago when they finally went to get the things Charlie needed.  Dean had hated how long they put it off but with building the trenches, hunting dead ones and then building not one but two greenhouses, there just wasn’t enough time.  

 

Bobby had been tracking the weather, knowing it like the back of his hand from spending so many winters up here.  He claimed they had maybe a week to get prepared which started the discussion of the 3 day run with two different teams.  One of the details Dean absolutely hated.  He didn’t like that they were splitting up and leaving their home base not nearly protected enough.  

 

Benny, Jody, Krissy, Dean, Sam and Jess were on his team while Bobby, Ellen, Jo, Cole, and John were on the second team.  That only left Rufus, Ash, Gabriel and Charlie to really defend the entire compound.  Kevin didn’t know how to shoot yet, Samandriel’s ankle was almost healed up and could help with watch but he still had a limp.  Thankfully Gabriel had been a natural shot when Dean and Sam had taken everyone out for shooting practice a few days ago.  

 

What surprised him the most was his shy little boyfriend.  Castiel absolutely loathed guns, wanted nothing to do with them.  But when Dean gave him a knife, he had nearly pissed himself when Castiel got every single target without so much as blinking an eye.  Castiel had taken the buck knife out of the target with a crooked smile that Dean had to kiss right off that smug face.

 

Dean smiled in spite of himself, though it was never hard to keep the smile off his face when he thought of Castiel.  He’d come out of his shell so much in the past several weeks it was beautiful.  The nerves and anxiety were still there of course and so were the nightmares but Dean expected those to never truly go away.  But he was making his voice heard and Dean had even heard him arguing with John about something.  Dean had wanted to interrupt but thought better of it and stayed out of the kitchen entirely.

 

Which had been a very good thing because it ended with Castiel staring John down until the old man started laughing, his hand clapping Castiel on the shoulder. Dean didn’t even remember what the argument had been about but it had been a beautiful thing to witness.

 

The door to his bedroom opened and someone moved inside quietly.  Dean didn’t need to look up to know it was Castiel, his arms already wrapping around Dean’s middle as his face pressed into his shoulder.

 

“Do you have to leave again?” Castiel mumbled, lips moving against his shirt.  Dean sighed and zipped up his duffel.  He tossed it off the bed and turned around to sit down on the mattress.  Castiel moved closer, sitting down on his lap easily.  Dean pulled him in even tighter and nuzzled his face into his neck while his hands slipped up Castiel’s loose t-shirt to touch his warm skin.

 

“Yeah, I don’t want to though,” Dean mumbled.  Castiel kissed at his forehead that had Dean melting into the touch, wanting nothing more than to just lay back on the bed with Castiel tucked safely against his chest.  

 

“I wish I could go with you,” Castiel said with a small breathy laugh.  Dean laughed a little, knowing just how badly that could go.  They had tried to take Castiel just on a sweep around the house and as much as Dean loved him, Castiel was just too damn clutzy for his own good.  He fell down one hill, almost sprained his ankle and tripped so brilliantly he took Sam down with him and set off his gun.  

 

They had laughed it off and that was only because they were within arms reach of home.  If this happened somewhere new and foreign, it could have been disastrous.  Castiel had gotten upset for about a minute when John sternly told him he was staying behind but it quickly erased when Sam pointed to a small scar on his arm from falling down.  Castiel had nodded and shyly tucked himself away from the others.

 

“I’ll be back in a few days and then I won’t be leaving until after the storm,” Dean said brushing some hair off Castiel’s forehead.  His boyfriend really needed a haircut but any time he brought it up Castiel just stuck out his tongue and continued on with his way.  

 

“Why can’t you go after?  What if you guys get stuck out there with no way home?” Castiel asked softly, his fingers twisting in the bottom of Dean’s shirt.  

 

“You know why sweetheart, if we don’t we could run out of food and supplies,” Dean answered, both of them jumping when there was a gentle tap on the door.  It pushed open to reveal a tired looking Jess, her long blond hair tied up in a braid that draped over her shoulder.

 

“Hey, we’re getting ready to head out.  So grab your breakfast and meet us out at the truck.  Don’t worry Cas, we’ll take care of him,” Jess said, giving them a wave and disappearing into the hall.  Castiel sighed heavily, his arms wrapping back around Dean’s neck.

 

“Please, please, please be careful and come home in one piece,” he murmured.  Dean hugged him tight for a few minutes and then he gently pushed Castiel off his lap, both of them standing up.  

 

“I promise, you be careful too okay?  No falling down hills without me,” Dean demanded, smiling bright when Castiel all but giggled.  He tipped up his boyfriend’s face and kissed him.  Castiel hummed against his lips, the front of his body flushed against Dean’s as they hugged again.  He didn’t want to let go,  didn’t want to lose the warmth that heated him up from even the inside.  

 

“I love you, “ Dean whispered between kisses, grinning when Castiel’s fingers tugged at his hair a bit.

 

“I love you too...God I don’t want you to go,” Castiel whined.  Dean pulled back enough to cup his face and kissed him again, keeping it slow and chaste but it was enough to leave his boyfriend breathless.

 

“Goodbye sweetheart,” Dean whispered.  Castiel finally gave him a nod and sunk down onto the bed with a little sigh.  Dean swallowed hard, grabbed up his bag and forced himself out of the room before he could delay any further.  

 

Downstairs everyone was waiting for him, somber looks on each of their faces.  Samandriel had managed to limp his way into the room and was sitting in Benny’s lap but he looked more grumpy than upset like Castiel had.  

 

“You ready kiddo?” Jody asked with a tight lipped smile.  Dean gave her a jerky nod and everyone was moving around.  He stole a glance over at Benny and Samandriel and couldn’t help chuckling at the how even grumpier the kid looked.  Dean was glad he was going to be around in case Castiel really started to feel lonely.  The two had slowly started to become friends even if Castiel was still really shy around him.

 

“You better come back with all your limbs Bear,” Samandriel said, crossing his arms over his chest.  Benny snorted as he tipped Samandriel’s face up for a short kiss.

 

“Don’t you worry yourself Angel, stay safe and keep practicin,” Benny said nodding towards the shotgun propped up against the couch.  Samandriel nodded with a roll of his eyes and playfully pushed Benny away from him.

 

“Let’s get this show on the road Brother,” Benny grumbled, slapping his hand down on Dean’s shoulder to pull him outside of the house.

 

* * *

 

~Day 1~

  


“Dean watch it!” Jess hissed, her arm raising to shoot an arrow in the biter’s head.  Dean pushed it away from him once it was limp and slumped over to push his hands into his knees.  Those damn things were everywhere now and the first place they planned on raiding had about a dozen outside and even more inside.  Thank God for Jess’s quick and quiet reflexes, between her and Sam they had gotten pretty much every single one down without alerting even more to their where abouts.

 

Dean waved away his brother’s grabby hands to make sure he wasn’t bit and straightened up, “I’m alright Sammy, didn’t get me.  We need to do a sweep of this place before continuing,” Dean whispered.  Everyone nodded and got into place of any exits or walkways and Benny let out a low whistle.  Sure enough a few more came ambling out towards them which Dean and Jody quickly took out with the bowie knives they had taken out of the cases.  

 

Store number one on their list had been the hunting surplus store, which surprisingly hadn’t even been looted yet.  This thing had been going on for over a month now and with all the hunters in their area Dean had argued this would have been a waste of time.  Thankfully he’d been out voted.  Dean hated to admit when he was wrong but there were times when he was damn grateful for it.

 

Once they were clear all of them separated to start filling up their bags.  Dean was tempted to just drop off this load before going off towards destination number two.  With their growing pile of duffel bags already, it would be the smart thing to do.

 

“I can’t believe all this stuff is still here,” Sammy said throwing down a few hunting rifles with scopes down into the pile.  Dean nodded, sweeping all the ammo into his bag.  It didn’t sit right with him...like someone had purposely left this place untouched.  He tried to shake the feeling but even as they started to load the truck his stomach was churning.  

 

“What’s next on our list?” Jody asked glancing down at the map with Benny.  There were several circles and lines drawn onto the map, helping each group know exactly where the other should be on what days.  They were supposed to meet up on day two, discuss their findings and keep going.  If they had more than enough then they’d just head home, which was what Dean wanted to do now, they had too much to just let sit around in their truck.

 

“Alright, why don’t we see if we can hotwire one of these other cars.  Get it running and I’ll have Krissy drive it back,” Jody offered after Dean brought it up.  He didn’t like the idea of the girl being alone but he nodded anyway.  The kid could definitely hold her own and they had to get moving.  There weren’t many cars on the street but they did find a Ford Explorer in the back.  

 

“Okay, this is just weird, the keys are sitting on the damn seat...something just doesn’t feel right here,” Dean said pointing inside the car.  

 

“Maybe they got run off or didn’t even make it this far, you saw how many of those things were inside.  They probably just locked themselves inside and one of em turned,” Benny said with a shrug.  Dean dragged a hand down his face and groaned.  He went to grab for the keys when suddenly the back window exploded, the sound of a rifle being fired echoing around them.

 

“Get down!” Jody cried, her voice muffled now that Dean’s ears were clogged.  He was vaguely aware of someone yanking him down and being pulled under the truck.  

 

“Stay the fuck away from my truck!” Someone shouted.  It sounded like a young girl’s voice but Dean’s head felt like he was underwater.

 

“Stop shooting!”

 

“You took my stuff!”

 

“Let’s talk instead of shooting each other!”

 

“C’mon,” Benny grumbled next to him.  Dean shook his head, trying to get the pressure out from inside his ears.  When he was a little more oriented he crawled out to find a girl about his age pointing a gun at them.  She was blonde, her hair half in braids while the other half looked a mess of tangles.  Her skin was dirty and her clothes looked as if she’d been wearing them since this whole thing started.  Though she looked worse for wear, she pointed the rifle at them steadily.

 

“Where are your parents?” Jody asked, her hands held up in a pacifying manner.  It was fruitless about half of their group had their own weapons drawn on the girl.  

 

“No clue, I was on my way to visit my cousins when this shit went down...got stuck here when my bike broke down,” the blonde grumbled.  Dean narrowed his eyes at the girl, there was something about her that stuck out...something insanely familiar.

 

“Listen to me, my name is Jody, I used to be the Sheriff in these parts.  We have a place, food, shelter and supplies.  If you lower your weapon and talk to us, you can join us,” Jody said softly.  

 

“Why the hell would I go with you?  You took my shit and planned on stealing the only car I’ve been able to get running,” she said pointing her rifle even higher.  It was then it clicked and Dean found himself moving in between the gun and Jody.

 

“Dean!”

 

“Whoa, hey you’re name is Claire, isn’t it?” Dean said ignoring the others calling out for him to move.  He grinned when the girl’s blue eyes widened and the rifle wavered just enough for Dean to snatch it out of her hands.

 

“Hey!”

 

“Answer me...you’re Claire Novak right?” Dean laughed a little.  

 

“How the hell would you even know that?” she demanded.

 

“Because I’m Dean, Dean Winchester, your cousin Castiel’s boyfriend,” he answered.  A light of recognition lit up her eyes and she grabbed at his arm, her fingers digging into his skin.

 

“D-Did he make it?  Any of them?” she begged.

 

Dean nodded, though his smile dropped, “Yea, Cas and Gabe did.  The others…”

 

“Shit…” Claire groaned, tears springing up in her eyes but she swallowed them down, “Well...at least a couple of them made it.  Are they here?”

 

“No, they’re back at our compound.  You can head there now with Krissy if you want, I’m sure Castiel would love to see you right now,” Dean said.  Claire nodded slowly a huge smile breaking out on her face.

 

“Yeah...that, that sounds good.  God I can’t wait to see them,” she laughed a bit breathlessly,”  I um, raided the convenience store down the way, what was left of it anyway.  It was pretty badly raided before I got to it so I wouldn’t even bother with it if I were you but you might be able to find some other supplies,” Claire suggested, holding her hand out for the gun clutched in Dean’s fingers.  He gave it back to her easily even if Sam gave him one of his legendary bitch faces.  Dean wasn’t worried, he’d heard so many stories about this girl he felt like he knew her already.

 

She was 17, a senior in highschool and a complete hard ass.  She put up with no one’s crap and even had the highest marks in her high school when it came to shop class, archery and sports.  She even rebuilt an entire car by herself as her final project in her junior year.  Dean had never met her up until now but Castiel always talked about her, she was his favorite family member besides Gabriel though he hardly ever got to see her.

 

Dean knew just how capable she was with a bow and probably was even better with a gun, he almost didn’t want her to leave but getting her and the supplies back home was probably a better idea.

 

“This is Benny, my little brother Sammy, his girlfriend Jess and Jody’s daughter Krissy.  We pretty much emptied the store and were sending it home, which is why we were needing to find another car.  I really think you should go with Krissy,” Dean urged.  Claire stared up at him before nodding, the rifle moving to rest against her shoulder.

 

“Yeah, I think I will.  It’ll be good to see Castiel...and get a good punch into Gabriel,” Claire laughed a little.  Dean grinned, watching as she moved over to Krissy, the two of them talking in hushed tones.

 

“You sure about this Dean?  We don’t know her and Dad’s gonna get pissed we have another mouth to feed,” Sam hissed next to him.  

 

Dean frowned, “Dude, that’s Cas’s cousin, like I could just say Oh hey I know where your cousins are but no, you can’t come.  Be real and Dad’s not gonna care, he even said that if we find any other survivors to bring them back with us.”

 

“I don’t know man…”

 

“Don’t worry so much okay?  It’ll be alright, this way the truck will be even more protected on its way back home,” Dean said.  Sam finally nodded and backed off.

 

* * *

 

Castiel was working out in the garden when he heard it, the sound of an engine being cut off.  He perked up and saw Rufus up in the sniper hut aiming right at the gate.  There was definitely someone there and he was about to hurry inside when he heard someone shouting, the voice extremely familiar.

 

“It’s Krissy!” Rufus called out.  Castiel’s chest lurched, why would Krissy be back so soon?  He saw Gabriel and Charlie running towards the gate and Castiel wanted to go with them but he was scared.  Something must have happened and he couldn’t bear if anything happened to Dean or anyone else in their group.

 

At first when he saw the blonde hair he figured it was just Jess but then he looked closer...that wasn’t what Jess had worn when they left.  Her jeans were ripped up with a red flannel tied around her waist.  He recognized that flannel and suddenly he found himself tearing across the garden.

 

“Claire!” Castiel heard Gabriel shout.  He heard himself shout his cousin’s name as well and she pulled out of Gabriel’s embrace just in time for Castiel to collide into her arms.  Both of them laughed loudly as they hugged, Gabriel wrapping his arms tightly around the both of them.  Castiel couldn’t help crying, he’d hadn’t much time to really think of his cousin but she’d been there, in the back of his mind the entire time.  He prayed every night that she was safe and he should have known she would be.

 

“Oh my God Castiel!  He told me you were here but I was so worried he’d been lying,” Claire laughed.  Castiel pulled away and she gently brushed a few tears off his cheeks.

 

“Dean?  You saw Dean?” he asked.  She laughed, nodding her head.

 

“Yeah, I saw your boyfriend.  Afraid to say I almost shot him but that’s why I’m here,” she said as Gabriel barked out a laugh.  He kissed Claire's forehead and ruffled Castiel’s hair before going over to the truck and climbing inside.  Castiel sighed with relief as she moved them out of the way for them to drive past the gate.  Claire swallowed audibly next to him and that was when he noticed the blood on her clothes.

 

“Y-you didn’t actually shoot him...did you?” he asked.  Claire shook her head, her smile turning into a tight line.

 

“Nah, now c’mon, let's get this stuff unpacked and then you can show me around, okay?” she said.  Castiel nodded, taking her hand to eagerly pull her towards the house.  He was so excited that another member of his family was okay and safe.  Seeing Claire was so unexpected his stomach was fluttering wildly with all the excitement.  To be honest he should have known better than to doubt that Claire wouldn’t make it through all of this.  She was the strongest out of all of them, even his older brother’s combined.

 

They hurried down the path to join the others around the truck as Krissy eased it backwards, getting it as close to the front door as she could.  Rufus just came out onto the porch, whistling low when he caught sight of what was in the bed.  Krissy slipped through the back window and started handing out the heavy duffel bags.  

 

“Oh before I forget, Dean wanted me to give these to you,” Krissy said hopping out and reaching into one of the bags.  Castiel’s hands were suddenly filled with a book and several flower seed packets that specifically combined to draw in bees.  The book drew a soft laugh from him when he realized it was about building water fountains for small creatures.  Dean had promised to help him build the structures so long ago he had almost forgotten.  His boyfriend was amazing.

 

“Do you actually have a garden here?” Claire asked, her voice breaking through his thoughts. He caught her glancing around, her eyes widening when she noticed not one but two greehouses in the distance.

 

“Mmhmm, come on, I’ll show you,” Castiel said pulling her towards it.  Something made her pause though and she yanked on his hand to stop him.  He looked at her with a raised brow but she was too busy glancing around the perimeter.  Her entired demeanor had changed, a charge that had her back completely straight and on guard.

 

“Hey, come on,” Castiel urged, pulling at her hand again only to find himself being yanked towards the house.

 

“You can show me later, I’m starving, let’s get some food,” she said, a tight bit of nervousness edging her tone.  Castiel wanted to reassure her that this place was safe, that she had nothing to worry about.  But there was something suddenly so off about his cousin that his stomach flipped uneasily.  He tried to twist free from her grip but she refused to let go of him until they were inside the garage.

 

“Claire, what the-”

 

“Castiel, listen to me. Do you have a place you can hide?” She demanded, her blue eyes wide and fearful.  Castiel spluttered a bit as his mind tried to catch up to where ever his cousin had gone.  He tried asking her what was going on but she waved her hands to get him to stop talking.

 

“Cassie, answer me, is there somewhere in this house you and Gabriel can hide?”

 

“I guess? Why?  What’s going on Claire!” He hissed back.  Claire swallowed hard, her fingers digging into his wrist that had his own heart thudding in his chest.

 

“Castiel, you need to listen to me very closely.  Get Gabriel and hide away, do not come out for anything,” she hissed, grabbing at his face when he tried to argue, “Your compound is about to be raided.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	12. Chapter 12

I had every intention on writing today but with the events of Orlando, I just can't even bring myself to. So I apologize profusely and I promise that I will be updating soon. And again, my stories will not be abandoned.


	13. Chapter 13

I need the Walking Dead back on lol.  It gives me inspiration for this story.

* * *

  
  


“What do you mean our compound is about to be raided?” Castiel demanded, ripping his arm out of Claire’s grip.  She was his cousin and he loved her dearly but in that split second, he didn’t even recognize her.  Yeah Claire was a tough person and never took crap from anyone but this was something entirely different.

 

“I don’t have time to explain, please just get Gabe and hide,” she said urgently, turning to head outside.  Something dropped in Castiel’s gut and he was suddenly grabbing at her jacket, yanking her further into the room. 

 

“Tell me what’s going on, now!” he hissed.  Claire opened her mouth to speak but closed it immediately when someone else came into the room.

 

“Ooookay...what did i just walk into?” Gabriel asked moving to stand next to him.

 

“Claire just said-”

 

“It’s nothing!  Cassie misunderstood me,” 

 

“No I didn’t!” Castiel shouted.

 

“Okay stop it, both of you.  Spill,” Gabriel demanded, leveling Claire with a hard stare.  Claire glared at Castiel for a moment before sighing heavily.

 

“Look, I didn’t have the luxury of being found by my precious boyfriend and living in this wonderful safe haven of yours.  I’ve been on the road since this started and let me tell you, it hasn’t been easy…” she started.  Castiel wanted to retort but Gabriel squeezed his wrist.

 

“What do you want me to say Claire?  That I’m sorry?  Yeah, I am but it’s not our fault that we just happened to be friends with ‘end of the world’ type of people.  If we had known you fled home believe me, I would have tried to come find you.  So now, tell me what the hell is going on,” Gabriel argued.  Castiel swallowed the sudden spike in his throat and scooted closer to his brother.  

 

“I know you would have Gabe it’s just…” Claire sighed, her fingers trying to run through her tangled hair, “I was alone and this group found me.  I was sick and almost dead but they took me in.  I had no idea how bad they were.”

 

“So what does that have to do with us?” Gabriel asked, his patience clearly running thin.

 

“They’re out there, waiting for my signal to start raining down on this place,” she finally answered.  Castiel covered his mouth, his body starting to tremble.  His brother cursed under his breath but instead of pulling Castiel in closer like he thought, he whirled on their cousin and shoved her hard against the wall.

 

“And you were what?  Just expecting us to just hide as you attacked our home and kill our friends?” Gabriel demanded.

 

“No!  I’ve never killed anyone-”

 

“But you led them here!” 

 

“Stop both of you,” Castiel pleaded, his fingers roughly wiping at the annoying tears already falling down his cheeks.

 

“Gabe...I didn’t lead them.  They’ve been watching this place for weeks.  Waiting for the top players to move out like they always do. This is the fourth time we’ve done this and it always happens the same way, every time,” Claire said through clenched teeth.  Gabriel shoved away from her with disgust.

 

“Four?  You’ve let them attack four different groups…”

 

“I didn’t have a choice!”

 

“There is always a choice Claire!  Always!  You can’t do this, please.  These people are strangers to you but they’re my family,” Castiel begged.  Gabriel pulled him in against his chest and Castiel fought him for a moment before finally just hugging around his waist.

 

“How is this supposed to go down, the fucking truth Claire I mean it,” Gabriel hissed.

 

Claire fidgeted for a minute and groaned, “We scope out places that are close by the compound we’re aiming to hit.  Usually it’s got a gun shop or a convenience store basically anything that could be a looter’s dream place to hit.  We secure it, stock it up and then...I wait for them to show up.  When they do, I come out and play the innocent card.  They always take me back to their compound, with the weapons.  My signal to the rest of my group is me going outside, alone,” Claire explained.

 

Castiel’s head popped up and yanked away from Gabriel, “And what about the others?  The ones that don’t come back with you?”

 

Claire looked him in the eye and swallowed hard, “By the time they come back, we’ve already taken the compound.”

 

“Well then, you’re just not going to go outside,” Gabriel laughed incredulously.  

 

“It doesn’t matter Gabe, they’re already here and they’re probably closing in anyway.  It’s been too long since I’ve come inside,” Claire said.  She turned to head for the door and Castiel shouted as Gabriel slammed her back against the wall.

 

“You can’t go outside!  Do you know what these people will do to someone like Cas?!” Gabriel growled out.  Claire shoved him away as hard as she could.

 

“Of course I do!  But if I can talk to them before they hit the house you two will be safe!” 

 

“And what about the others?  You think we can just stand by as your people fucking kill them?” Gabriel said.  

 

“I’m sorry but this is happening whether you like it or not.  At least this way I can talk to them and keep the fighting down to a minimum,” Claire said.  Gabriel let her take a few steps away from them before grabbing up something hard, Castiel wasn’t even sure what it was and watched as his brother hit Claire over the head with it.  

 

“Gabe!” Castiel cried out, watching his cousin slump to the floor in a heap.  He wanted to check on her but there was a small part of him that was extremely delighted that she was on the ground.

 

“Cassie listen to me, we have to get those weapons inside the house.  I need you to warn Samandriel and then you get to the damn radio.  Try and get a hold of John or Dean.  Then you hide.  You hear me?” Gabriel ordered.

 

“What about-” 

 

“Don’t worry about them, do as I say, go now,” Gabriel said and pushed Castiel towards the door.  He had to swallow the sudden rise of bile a few times before he was tearing through the house, paying mind to any of the windows facing the entrance into the compound.  His mind was reeling, how could Claire do this?  What happened to make her want to hurt innocent people?  He shook his head and hurried up the stairs all the way up to the ladder to the sniper’s nest.  

 

“Alfie…”

 

“Hey Cas, what’s wrong?” Samandriel asked once his head was visible.

 

“Don’t make any sudden movements,” Castiel hissed.  Samandriel’s body tensed up and he slowly nodded.

 

“I need you to look towards the gate...we think someone is coming,” Castiel whispered.  Samandriel took in a deep breath and raised up his rifle, slowly scanning the area through the scope.  Castiel knew the moment he found something.  His body trembled and Samandriel's breathing became labored.

 

“Shit…” Samandriel hissed.  Castiel gritted his teeth and nearly fell down the ladder when he tried to run his fingers through his hair.  

 

“Lock the hatch and stay down!” Castiel hissed.  Samandriel tried to argue but Castiel was already gone, tripping over himself to get back down stairs to the radio.  Everyone in the house was in a rush and he had to ignore them to stay focused.  Rufus was already poised at one of the windows and Gabriel was sorting through one of the bags he must have dragged in from the truck.  

 

“I knew something was up, even Dean seemed hesitant about all of this,” Krissy grumbled as he hurried past.  It soothed some deep ache inside his chest to know at least Dean was somewhat safe out there.  He turned the corner and nearly ran full force into Charlie.

 

“Cas, I moved the radio into the closet.  You get in there and lock the door.  Do not come out for anything,” she said.  Castiel felt himself nod as she shoved him inside one of the coat closets.  It was small and cramped but there was enough room to crouch down on the floor.

 

“Hello?  Dean, John, this is Castiel.  Can anyone here me?  Hello!” Castiel shouted over the radio.  He turned the dials and kept calling out into the speaker but all he was getting was static.

 

“Hello!  Ah!” Castiel cried out when the first loud pops exploded through the house.  There was shouting and he almost pushed out of the closet.  He curled up in a ball around the radio and kept trying over and over again.

* * *

  
  


It was a few hours later and Dean was still finding himself looking down the road where the truck had disappeared.  Something deep down in his chest was itching at him that he tried to ignore but for whatever reason he couldn’t let it go.  The others were scattered around, talking excitedly about everything that they had found.  

 

“You alright there brother?” Benny asked next to him and Dean barely shook his head.  He glanced down the street towards the supposed picked over convenience store and then back at the almost pristine surplus shop.  The only reason they had even chosen this place was because Bobby drove past it on a supply run a week ago.  It was too clean.  

 

“Dean-o?” 

 

“Benny, something doesn’t feel right,” Dean said softly, looking back towards the group.  Sam was now in the truck with their radio and he was frantically turning the dial.  Dean hurried over and he could just make out someone’s voice shouting on the other end.

 

“Hello!  Jo- Dean...we...help!” 

 

Dean’s stomach plummeted down to his ankles.  It was Castiel.  Dean yanked his brother out of the car and snatched up the radio.

 

“Cas?  Is that you?” Dean called out.  The radio crackled and Dean nearly dropped the receiver when he heard popping sounds and someone screaming.

 

“Cas!”

 

“We’re under...oh my...we need help!”

 

“Cas!  Castiel come on!” Dean kept trying to find him but he was now only getting static, “Baby come on...fuck!” Dean shouted, launching himself out of the car.

 

“What the fuck was that!  Did I hear correctly that our home is under attack?” Jody demanded grabbing at his shoulders.

 

“We need to get back, now,” Dean said, his throat locking up so tight he could barely breathe.  

 

“C’mon Dean,” Benny said, gripping his elbow and man handling him into the truck.  Everything was a blur and all he could hear was the static coming off the radio.

* * *

  
  


It was too quiet.  The shouting was gone, the sharp popping noises completely ceased.  The blood was rushing through Castiel’s ears and he had to focus on his breathing to keep from hyperventilating.  He wanted to run, to get upstairs and hide in his usual spot in the attic.  But he was too scared to move.  

 

Castiel slowly sat up and grasped the radio close to his chest.  There had been no answer back and he wasn’t sure if the others could even hear him.  He took in a deep breath and went to push the door when it was suddenly yanked open.  Someone who he had never seen before stood in front of him and Castiel swallowed hard.

 

“Ah, there he is.  Come on you,” the man growled out.  Castiel tried to squirm away but the hand that grabbed at his hair was too strong and he cried out as he was pulled out of the closet.

 

“No!  Let him go!” Gabriel shouted from somewhere in the house.  Castiel tried to find him but everything seemed to freeze when the man who held him, raised his arm and fired off the pistol in his hand.


	14. Chapter 14

Dean was nearly rocking back and forth as Jody eased the truck up the path towards the cabin.  His stomach was in knots and every bump made him want to vomit.  That last scream, the sound of shots echoing off in the radio.  God why had he been so stupid?  He knew all along that this plan was a bad one but of course he didn’t fight it.  It was his dad and the other older adults who were calling the shots.

 

“Oh my God,” Jody hissed.  Dean’s head snapped up and the next thing he knew he was out of the truck and running.  The gate had been run down and there were a few bodies littered around the lawn.  Just from a brief glance he knew right off the bat that these weren’t his people so he didn’t stop, not until he was tearing the already broken screen door open.

 

“What the fu-” Dean gasped.  The entire room was torn to shreds and he wanted to throw up when he saw more blood in the family room, smeared across the floor boards

 

“Hello!  Where is everyone!” Dean shouted, his eyes searching the room frantically.  It took him a moment but he finally saw the foot poking out around the corner, where the blood was trailing too.  Dean didn’t want to move closer, didn’t want to see anyone he cared about lying there.  

 

All around him everyone was shouting out the names of those they left behind to defend the house.  The sounds of their feet pounding up the stairs and slamming doors closed echoed loudly, making Dean’s heart pound in his chest.  He finally pushed himself forward and the second he realized who was on the floor he fell to his knees with a groan.

 

“Gabe…” Dean felt the hysteria rising in his chest and he gripped his hair, letting out a wrenching sob.  

 

“D-Dean?” 

 

Dean’s head popped up and he crawled closer to his friend, his hand cupping his face to try and help him focus, “Hey, hey.  You’re gonna be okay, Gabriel,” Dean said quickly, turning his head to shout at someone to get him some water.

 

“T-They t-took him Dean, I tried to stop them but they f-fucking took him,” Gabriel hissed, his chin trembling from either the cold or pain, probably even both.  Someone thrusted a water bottle into Dean’s hand and he gently poured some into Gabriel’s mouth.  He coughed and a trail of blood dripped out of the corner of his mouth.

 

“Took who Gabe? What the hell happened?” Dean asked softly.  He took out the bandana he had stuffed into his back pocket and wiped the blood from Gabriel’s face.

 

“Cassie...It happened so fast.  My cousin, that fucking bitch Claire set this whole thing up.  She wanted to save me and Cas but let her group attack the others.  I didn’t know what to fucking do man, there were so many of them.  It didn’t matter that we got their guns in the house, they still kept coming,” Gabriel said, his entire body shaking now.  Dean felt his throat tighten so much he was having a hard time breathing.  Someone took his Castiel?  Someone attacked their home and took his fucking boyfriend.  But why?  What the hell did they even want with him!

 

“We’ll get him back Gabe, I swear it.  I’ll get him back,” Dean swore, gripping onto Gabriel’s hand.  His friend nodded slowly and took in a shuddering breath.  

 

“Let’s get him patched up Dean,” Jody said with a quivering voice.  He turned to see her pale face and felt sick all over again.  If Gabriel had been shot and Castiel taken, where the hell were the others?  He wanted to ask but in the kitchen he saw Krissy helping Charlie into a chair, her leg looked weirdly twisted and there was blood oozing from her temple.

 

Gabriel had passed out again, making it easy for him and Jody to move him onto the couch.  Dean felt like he was in a fog, watching the others move around and helping their wounded.  Rufus, Samandriel and Kevin were still all missing and he didn’t even realize the soft keening noise leaving his throat as he started to move.  

 

Samandriel would have been in the sniper nest, that much he knew.  He started towards there when he saw Benny hovering over someone.

 

“Ben-”

 

“It’s Rufus...he’s dead,” Benny spat out, turning a punching his fist against a wall.  Rufus still had his rifle in his hands and from where the holes in the wall were, he realized that Rufus had stood there, protecting the door that lead up to the nest.

 

“Dean...what the fuck...how did this happen!” Benny shouted, his friend was slowly starting to break apart and Dean had to take in a deep breath from following him.  Dean didn’t even know where to begin.  Apologize for putting everyone in danger?  His words would mean nothing, all he did know was that this was his fault.  There had been an inkling of mistrust towards Claire and he still let her go back to the compound with all those weapons.  This was entirely on him and his chest nearly caved in from the weight.

 

With the the help of Benny they slowly moved Rufus from the door and pried it open enough for them to squeeze through and up the stairs.  The hatch was firmly closed and Benny hesitated for a minute before knocking firmly against it.  There were a couple of voices and Dean nearly fell with relief. The sounds were muffled but Dean could clearly recognize Samandriel and Kevin’s panicked voices.

 

“Cher it’s me Benny!” he shouted and suddenly the hatch was yanked up.  Samandriel didn’t even wait for his boyfriend to be fully up on the deck before launching himself at Benny.  They staggard a bit but Benny just held on tight as they made their way up into the nest.  Kevin was in a corner, hugging his knees tight but physically he seemed okay.

 

“Shh, baby it’s okay I’m here,” Benny cooed at Samandriel, moving them to sink down in the chair.

 

“It was awful Benny,” Samandriel groaned, his voice muffled against Benny’s shoulder.  Dean turned from them as his stomach churned.  He was more than thrilled that they were reunited with each other but all he could keep thinking about was Castiel.  It took two steps to be in front of Kevin and he crouched down slowly, his hand cupping over Kevin’s on his knee.

 

“What happened Kev?” Dean asked.  The kid gripped onto his fingers and shook his head.

 

“I didn’t even know what was going on until I heard the first shots.  I was in my room working on a layout for the new flowers Castiel wanted to plant.  I remember falling to the floor and the next Rufus was shoving me through the door, ordering me to not come out for anything.  We looked over the railing to see them dragging Castiel out to a truck,” Kevin said softly.  Dean fell back against the wall and squeezed his eyes shut.

 

He could just picture it in his head, these strange violent people storming the house, breaking in and forcing Castiel away from his family.  God, how scared and alone he must feel.  And what the hell were they planning on doing with him?

 

Dean dug his fingers into his jeans and tried to focus on his breathing.  It wouldn’t do him any good to panic right now, he had to get everyone together and form a plan.  His dad and the others were still out there as well.  And if these people had the manpower that Gabriel said and all those weapons, there was no way Dean could do this by himself. 

 

“Dean?  Brother, c’mon we gotta get back downstairs.  We still need to find Ash,” Benny said, gently shaking him.  Dean nodded quickly and helped Kevin get down the stairs.  

 

“No!  Why, why did they have to kill him!” Kevin screamed the moment he saw Rufus.  Dean nearly had to pick the kid up to keep him moving.

 

“He was only trying to protect us!” Kevin wailed, his entire body sagging against Dean’s.  

 

“I know kiddo, I know,” Dean grumbled, the anger swelling from his gut.  They trudged back into the kitchen and still no sight of Ash.

 

Sam and Jess were hovering over the couch, assisting Jody in patching Gabriel up.  Krissy was still wrapping up Charlie’s foot, her face twisted up in pain.

 

“Where’s Rufus?” Jody asked at the same time Dean asked, “Where’s Ash?” 

 

“Rufus is um….he’s gone,” Benny said helping Samandriel to sit down on one of the chairs.  Jody cursed under her breath and visibly shook but kept her focus on cleaning the gun shot wound in Gabriel’s side.

 

“We uh, we think Ash is following that truck, tracking them.  After they left, he tore ass out of here with a map.  How he even had a clear enough mind to grab it, I have no idea.  I was too busy trying to not piss myself,” Charlie answered.  Dean nodded his head slowly, his feet moving as if he were stuck in mud to sit down at one of the chairs across from Charlie.  She looked horrible but there was a fire lit in those eyes.

 

“Whoever these people were Dean, they’re bad.  They didn’t even tell us what they wanted, just grabbed for Cas and took off with the extra weapons that girl brought with her.”

 

“Who I’m going to kill with my own hands if I ever see her again.  She betrayed us and tried to be my friend on the way up here.  Because of her one of my friends is dead,” Krissy growled out, her fingers squeezing a little too tight around Charlie’s ankle.  Dean nodded, his fists clenched so tight his knuckles turned white.   Out of the corner of his eye something swayed in the breeze and when he glanced over, he could see some of the plants Castiel had worked so hard to plant before the storms started.  

 

_ “People like you, who know how to do this kind of thing are going to be so few and far in between...when it comes down to it...you’re gonna be the most important person here.” _

 

_ “But I don’t know how to fight Dean...and that will make me a hindrance,” Castiel countered. _

 

_ “Don’t worry about not knowing how to do those things Cas...you’ve got me.  Right?” _

 

Dean’s eyes blurred over and he shot up from his chair causing it to crash to the floor.  He stormed over to the door but before he walked through it, he slammed his fist into the wall.  There were several people calling after him but he ignored them.  The only voice he cared about was Castiel’s and the way he smiled up at Dean, so trusting.  He flew out of the house and towards the garden, tears finally streaming down his face.

 

* * *

 

Over the next two days Dean couldn’t sleep, kept tossing and turning until his face was pressed tight into that stupid little bee that still smelled strongly of Castiel.  The others would be returning today and Dean couldn’t wait any longer.  He and Benny had already started to get the weapons ready along with their packs to start tracking down these assholes.

 

Ash had finally trudged back to the house the morning after it all happened, looking incredibly exhausted but he had an idea where these people had gone.  All over the map were Ash’s chicken scratches along with some kind of code that only Ash could decipher.  

 

“Listen, they stopped here and camped for a few hours.  They tried damn hard to cover their tracks but I followed each trail until I found the right one.  Now, I have no idea why they would go so far out west, maybe to lose themselves in the lake but it is where I lost them for a good while.  It took a few hours but I finally picked their trail back up and I’m pretty sure I know where they are now,” Ash had explained, ignoring Jody’s insistence that he lay down and get some rest.

 

“Where?” Dean demanded, he too ignoring the weathering looks from the woman.  Ash traced his finger along the road until he got to an area of the map that made Dean frown.

 

“You’re sure?”

 

“Pretty damn sure.  This entire community was on lockdown with a serious lookin gate in the front.  Wasn’t able to get a good look but I recognized the damn truck.  That’s where they took Cas,” Ash said finally taking up the plate Jody was trying so hard to lay out in front of Ash.

 

“This is over three hours away and pretty straight shoot up here.  They must have stops all along the way to target several camps,” Dean muttered.  He tapped each area where they had made plans to hit themselves and thankfully they were out of range.  Only that stupid random strip was.   
  


They tried to make plans on what to do and how they would go about either sneaking in or taking these people out but they couldn't do much with half their camp still out there.  So Dean had to wait, biting his nails down to the nub until he could hear the sounds of approaching cars.  At first Dean’s blood had grown cold, thinking it was those assholes again but when he got to the porch he recognized the vehicles right away.

 

He tried to keep calm, to not race forward and beg his dad to leave right away to find Castiel.  John knew right away though that something was terribly wrong.  How could he not?  Everyone was strung out and there was a pile of smouldering bodies towards the back end of the property.  And a mound of dirt that now covered their friend Rufus.

 

“What the hell happened!” John ordered.  All at once there were too many voices trying to answer but John bellowed out a shout for everyone to be quiet.  Those hard eyes found Dean’s and instantly softened when he noticed the stuffed animal in his son’s hands.

 

“Dean?  Tell me what happened?” John asked resting his hand on Dean’s already tensed up shoulder.

 

“We were tricked by someone who claimed to be the Novak’s family.  She brought an arsenal of weapons with her and we just let her come here with Krissy.  We thought she was safe but she betrayed us.  She let her group come in and take Castiel while they shot up the others,” Benny answered for him.  Dean swallowed around the huge lump in his throat, wanting to correct his friend.  It was his fault, he was the one who had trusted Claire.

 

“Fuck...who was hit?” John ordered.

 

“Charlie was pretty banged up, Gabriel was shot in the stomach but Jody is sure he’ll be okay.  Rufus...he um...he died protecting Samandriel and Kevin,” Benny stammered.  John’s grip tightened on Dean’s shoulder and all too soon the hand was gone and Dean nearly fell.  

 

“Let’s get everyone inside,” John growled out before stomping through the door.  A different hand took it’s place on his shoulder and he looked up to see Bobby in front of him.

 

“C’mon boy, you can blame yourself later.  Let’s fix this,” Bobby said softly, leading him into the house.

 

* * *

 

“You can’t be serious...we can’t just leave without Cas!” Dean shouted slamming his fist down hard against the wood table.  His father was glaring at him but Dean refused to back down from this.  John had listened to Ash explain the whole thing again and Dean watched in shock as not only John but a few others agreed to leave the compound for another place to stay.

 

“Dean, if we leave now, we might be able to find a place to take over before the storms hit.  Then we can work out a plan to get back Castiel.  This place is too vulnerable now, they know we’re here, who’s to know if they won’t come back?” John asked.  Dean shook his head and started pacing.  His chest felt ready to splinter open as his breathing picked up a notch.

 

“They won’t come back because we’re all here!  We need to get Cas back now dad, we can’t just leave him there with those people!  God know what they’re even doing to him right now!” Dean shouted.  He threw off the hand trying to calm him down and didn’t even look back to see who it belonged too.

 

“Son…”

 

“Stop...if the next words out of your mouth aren’t to get Castiel I’m done.  I’ll fucking get him back myself,” Dean growled out.  John stood to his full height and for the first time in his life Dean didn’t feel scared.  

 

“Enough of this bullshit, both of you calm your asses down now,” Ellen seethed.  John shook his head minutely but did as he was told, sinking down in one of the chairs.  Dean remained standing, his eyes never leaving John’s face.

 

“Dean, I know you’re worried but they obviously needed Castiel or they wouldn’t have taken him alive.  We have to hold onto that, little as it may seem.  But John is right about us leaving.  It’s not safe here anymore.  As much as I don’t want too, we have to move on,” Ellen said.  Dean looked down at the floor and took in a deep breath to let it out slowly.

 

“Fine, you all can leave but I’m going to look for him.  And I’ll bring him back myself,” Dean stated.  John opened his mouth to argue but Dean didn’t give him a chance.  He was out the door and stomping towards the garden again.  The dirt was soft under his shoes, making it easy for him to sink down to his knees and let out a stuttered breath.

 

“It isn’t fair...this isn’t fucking fair,” Dean muttered, his hands resting on his knees palms up.  He glanced up at the clear blue sky and couldn’t breathe for a split second.

 

“They didn’t deserve this, Castiel doesn’t deserve this!  If it’s me you want to punish then so be it, but please, leave them alone.  I was the one who couldn't get my mom out of the fire and it was me who couldn’t protect Castiel.  Not them, they did nothing wrong.  Help me find Castiel and then, whatever it is you want you can take it out on me,” Dean rambled, tears freely sliding down his fevered cheeks.  He hadn’t prayed like this in so long, from the moment he lost his mother he also lost the ability to believe in any kind of God.  But his mom had and Castiel still had some kind of faith.  He was more quiet about it but Dean had caught him praying several times.

 

There was a soft crunch behind him and Dean stilled, listening carefully to the steps that came closer.  The person knelt down next to him, Dean’s eyes staying squeezed shut as a hand closed around his.  It was warm and slightly calloused like his own and he gripped onto his little brother’s hand tightly.

 

“This isn’t your fault Dean,” Sam said softly.

 

“Sam-”

 

“No, you listen to me Dean.  I have looked up to you since I was just a baby.  You practically raised me while Dad went on bender after bender.  You taught me how to walk, how to read and ultimately how to speak.  Bobby told me a few years back that your name was the first word I said,” Sam explained quickly.  Dean wanted to quiet him, keep the praises buried in case whoever was listening decided to take Sam from him next.

 

“You are the strongest least self absorbed person I have ever had the privilege to know.  Mom, Cas, Rufus, Gabriel...they are not your fault.  Whether we met Claire or not, those people would have come here eventually.  There will always be people who covet what we have.  We’ll get him back Dean, I swear it to you.  But we have to do it smart,” Sam said, squeezing Dean’s hand tightly.  

 

“You agree with Dad,” Dean stated.  Sam pressed his lips together and gave a short nod, his hand being the only thing to keep Dean still.

 

“I can’t be-”

 

“I want Castiel back too but...Dean, look at the sky,” Sam said, pointing behind them.  Dean closed his eyes before slowly turning his torso in the same direction.  There they were, the dark clouds descending down on them much too fast.  Soon, within hours, the ground was going to covered in snow and by tomorrow the first real blizzard would begin.  It always hit harder up here then it did in town.

 

“As soon as it dies down, Jessica, Benny and I will go with you to get him back.  I swear it,” Sam said.  Dean merely nodded, feeling all too numb as the reality truly began to sink in.  No one ever knew how long the storms would last.  Sometimes it was days, others it was weeks.  How could Dean allow for Castiel to stay with those people for that long?

 

“Not a day longer,” Dean said, finally rising up to his feet.  Sam nodded, gripping his hand as he began to pull him towards the house.  

 


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys sorry for the wait! I had this...loooooong drawn out plot for this part of the story and decided quickly against it. I just didn't have the strength to write it lol. But, I hope you like this version much better. Don't worry, there will be angst!
> 
>  
> 
> BTW, being sick sucks! ugh.
> 
> Warnings: talks about past abuse, rape and torture. Nothing in detail.

 

* * *

" _No! Let him go!" Gabriel shouted from somewhere in the house. Castiel tried to find him but everything seemed to freeze when the man who held him, raised his arm and fired off the pistol in his hand._

" _Gabe! No, let me go! Please let me go!" Castiel screamed, lashing out his arms and legs in some pathetic attempt to make the man drop him. His vision was blurred, all the sharp edges turned to swipes of watercolor as the bright sun suddenly exploded in his eyes._

" _Did you find the little bitch?" someone yelled and Castiel tried once again to wriggle away. A flash of pain seared through the side of his face and he fell to the ground with a gasp._

" _Yeah but now we can't find Claire...she's probably still in the house somewhere, they must have got the drop on her," the man closest to him said. Castiel rubbed at his eyes and glanced around, trying to get his brain adjusted to what was even going on. There were a ring of men, maybe a few women and there were even more lying on the ground. At first Castiel thought they were the dead ones but deep down he knew. These were the ones his people managed to stop from reaching the house._

" _Well we got what we came for, leave her."_

" _Boss ain't gonna be happy, jobs not done."_

" _Don't care, they took out half our men. Who knows who else they got hiding, grab the bitch and let's go."_

" _No!" Castiel screamed, lashing out again when hands grabbed at him. He managed to get to his feet and run. He was almost to the garden when a chorus of laughter echoed around him, a loud bang following it. Something struck his calf and he went down hard, crying out as pain radiated up his leg._

" _Oh…" he reached down with a trembling hand as blood began to pool through his pant leg._

" _Shouldn't have run little bitch."_

_Castiel glanced up into the sun and everything went black._

* * *

Castiel woke up slowly. His body aching in places he didn't even know existed. The ground was hard and bumpy beneath him and he quickly blinked his eyes open. He was in some kind of tent, the wind howling outside. Swallowing hard he tried to rub the blurriness out of his eyes only to wince. His hands were bound behind him along with his legs and he fought the urge to cry out. Who knew what these people were capable of or what they even wanted from him.

He didn't even know how long he'd been out but it felt like days. All he knew was that he was in danger and his brother was possibly dead. Oh and his cousin was a grade a asshole.

He licked at his lips and tried to take in his surroundings but it was difficult to see without his glasses. It was dark outside, that much he could tell. There was a small, what he was guessing a battery operated lamp a few feet away from him. He tried to sit up only to still when a soft murmur of voices floated into his tent with the wind.

"Please, you have to look at him. He's been out since we brought him here, something's wrong."

"I'm gonna get in trouble and who's gonna pay for that huh? You willin to?"

Both of the voices belonged to women and one sounded just a hint familiar. If it was Claire...the second he got a hand free he was going to slap her. He was too wound up to pretend he was still asleep so when the tent opened there was a gasp and suddenly there were hands touching at his side.

"D-Don't touch me," he stammered.

"Cassie, it's Claire…"

"Get away from me!" he hissed, the sound of the tent closing echoing his words.

"Shhh, we're here to help," his cousin said softly. Something was pushed at his face and he swallowed hard when his vision became clear.

"That wound on his leg is extremely infected, I can fucking smell it from here," the stranger grumbled, busying herself with the toolbox she set down on the ground. Castiel tried to shift away but just the mere mention of his leg seemed to remind his brain that oh yeah, it hurt. It hurt horribly. Castiel squeezed his eyes shut and tried to control his breathing but it was hard. He didn't have Dean, or his brother. He hated his cousin and this new girl didn't seem to care that he was in pain or even human.

"Help him, please," Claire pleaded.

"Whatever, if I get caught using this without permission, you're paying for it," the girl spat, kneeling down by his leg and pushed up his pants. Castiel cried out, only to be muffled quickly by Claire's hand pressing against his mouth.

"Oh my god…"

"At least the bullet went all the way through. Don't exactly have time to try and pry it out."

Tears blurred his vision and he whimpered when something stabbed into his leg. He wanted to go back to sleep, to wake up back in his own room on a warm bed with Dean's body next to his. Fear spread out through his chest and started to tremble almost violently.

He was never going to see Dean or his family again.

"Shhh, Cassie you're gonna be okay now," Claire cooed at him and he did the only thing he could do. The moment her hand came close to his mouth he bit her hard.

"What the fuck!" she cried flailing away from him.

"Oh, that was priceless! Kids got spunk, I like him," the other girl guffawed, this time being a lot more gentle wrapping something around his injured leg.

Castiel just laid there as this woman continued to look him over, gave him some water and even managed to persuade him into eating a few crackers.

"W-who are you?" Castiel whispered as she wiped at his face with a towel. She smiled and for the first time Castiel saw a bit of kindness in her chocolate brown eyes. The girl had started out looking so stern with a tight sarcastic smile but now, she was softer. Prettier even. And when her lips parted in a genuine smile, he somehow noticed through the haze in his eyes that she was missing a tooth.

"Name's Meg angel face," she said patting his cheek. There was a noise outside and all three of them tensed.

"We need to get out of here now-"

"Wait, p-please don't leave...tell me what's going, please?" Castiel begged. Meg gave him a sad smile but never answered him. She grabbed up the tool box and Claire's arm. Without another word or a glance back, they left his tent. Castiel took in a shuddered breath and tried to not sob out his distress.

He didn't remember passing out but what he did remember was the shouting. He cowered into himself and desperately wanted to cover his face but the restraints were too tight. The shouting turned into screams. The moaning of the dead ones became louder and gun shots fired through the air. He had no idea what was going on or how he was even going to survive this. All he had was the smile Dean gave him and the touch of his lips.

"Dean…" Castiel whispered only to cry out when something crashed into his tent. The scent of decaying flesh filled his nose, making him gag. There were too many of them and the screaming was becoming less and less.

Then were was nothing, not even the sounds of groans and shuffling feet. He didn't understand, he had made noise, even screamed and none of those things came after him.

"Hey! There's something in this tent!" Someone shouted and Castiel's eyes widened. There had to be something he could do to get free...anything. He somehow managed to sit up just as the tent was unzipped.

"We got a live one fellas!"

"No...please...no, no, no," Castiel chanted. The man's face transformed into a look of worry and Castiel blacked out again

* * *

Castiel woke up sluggishly, his head pounding but the pain in his leg had gone down greatly. The sun was shining through a window in front of him and had to blink several times. His hands raised to rub at his face and jerked back, the rope that had bound his wrists were no longer there along with the ones that had with his feet. In fact, he wasn't even on the ground in an old dirty sleeping bag anymore. Now he was on some kind of cot and there was a tray next to him on a nightstand. A cup of water in a tin cup along with a peanut butter and jelly sandwich were on the tray as well as a bruised apple. His glasses were also there, sitting neatly folded and when he put them on, someone had cleaned the frames.

The tent was gone and now he was in a small room that reminded him of the attic at the compound. His throat closed up a little and he quickly shook his head to get rid of the image. He eye balled the food on the tray again and swallowed against the knot forming there.

His stomach growled angrily and he wanted to inhale the food but fear stopped him. What if there was something in it that killed or worse, made him sick or paralyzed him? He had just reached for the apple with a shaky hand when something moved in the corner of his eye.

"Ah, you're finally awake" the something turned into a someone. A warm chuckle filled the room and Castiel tried to scurry as far away as he could on the cot but the pain in his leg returned making him hiss.

"Ah, ah, we ain't gonna hurt ya kid," the man's hands were held out in a pacifying manner but Castiel still said nothing, just pressed himself against the headboard even more.

"We found you in that tent, almost dead," he said, pulling a chair that Castiel hadn't seen before closer to the bed and sank down. Now that he was closer Castiel was able to really look at him. He seemed kind. Long salt and pepper hair, a long beard and mustache. He had on a long coat and it was then Castiel realized just how cold it was in the room.

The window was pretty fogged up and he reached out with a trembling hand to wipe away the condensation. He gasped sharply when he saw all the snow.

"Oh...oh no," he said wanting to get a better look but his leg wouldn't let him.

"We're not gonna hurt you kid, we're not like those people you were with," the man said softly. Castiel turned back to look at him and frowned.

"Wh-what?"

"Let's start over. My name is Cain Avias and this camp is my home," he explained, holding out a hand. It looked warm and inviting and when Castiel touched it he felt himself relax.

"C-Castiel...Novak," he whispered. Cain smiled and nodded, taking it as an invitation to scoot even closer.

"What do you remember?"

"I-I'm not sure. My family….we were attacked. They took me and I was in a tent. I don't know for how long or what they even wanted," Castiel explained, feeling foolish for the tears falling down his cheeks. Cain didn't tease or berate him, just sat there patiently for Castiel to finish.

"Then my cousin and a girl came...Meg, her name was Meg," Castiel's eyes widened, his heart rabbiting in his chest. The gun fire. All those shots being fired and the dead ones…

"What happened?" he hissed. Cain smiled softly, his hand coming up to brush his long hair behind his shoulders.

"We've had problems with that group before. They steal, cheat and kill any big group that starts to form up in their area. But one of the worst things they do? Kidnap the gentle hearts of the group. They torture and rape them until they too, become part of their...clan because that's the only choice they are given to stop the pain," Cain said, his eyes growing cold and dark.

Castiel felt like he was going to be sick. Had they done the same thing to Claire? He knew he would have suffered that same fate and that thought did make Castiel sick. There was a small bucket next to his bed that he frantically grabbed at and heaved the contents of his stomach into it. Something warm touched his back and he whimpered as his head tried to explode behind his eyes.

"Shhh, Castiel. You're safe here, I swear on that," Cain whispered. The older man helped him into a more comfortable position and gently pushed the cup of water to his lips. This time Castiel drank at it greedily and groaned when it seemed to the soothe the raw ache in his throat and chest.

"I know it's hard...for both of us but I need to finish telling you this story. My precious wife Collette and daughter were kidnapped by these heathens. Everytime I tried to get them back they'd send me...pieces of them. Hair, a finger...even a damn tooth. It wasn't until they sent me back my wife's battered body that I flew into a murderous rage," Cain said through clenched teeth. Castiel swallowed hard and didn't realize his hand had reached out until the man clutched at his fingers.

"Me and several groups who had been going through the same things with these people banded together, here at my farm. We started planning, to take them all out and leave no one alive. We gathered up the roamers, circled around their camp and set them free. They followed the noise and when that group was distracted, we attacked. That's when we found you," Cain said. Castiel blinked a few times and laughed.

"Wow...I-I don't know what to say or how to even thank you for saving my life," Castiel said softly. Cain merely smiled and touched the side of Castiel's face.

"Don't thank me just yet. You, my daughter and a handful of others made it out of that camp. Everyone else has been claimed, I'm not sure your cousin made it," Cain explained carefully. Castiel's eyes burned and looked away.

"O-oh," Castiel wasn't sure how he was feeling except that he was torn. Part of him was devastated that he had lost his cousin, someone he had cared so much for before all this happened. But this...plague had changed her. Turning her into something evil. But then, what if she had gone through the same thing Cain's wife and daughter did? Was it fair then, to call her a murderer and evil?

Something familiar flashed through his mind and he glanced up at Cain who was regarding him with concern, "Your daughter...was it her tooth they sent you?" Castiel asked. Something dark flashed across Cain's face before responding.

"Yes, it was."

"Your daughter is Meg, isn't she?" Castiel asked. That smile, those chocolate brown eyes. There was hardly any resemblance to the man in front of him but there was that gentleness in both of their smiles.

Cain nodded, his hands clasping together in his lap, "She is. Meg did what she had to, to survive. She became their doctor, forcing them to see how useful she was so they wouldn't touch her anymore. The moment we found her and she knew she was safe, her first mission was to get you into the truck. She's the reason why you still have your leg," Cain said, almost a bit defensively.

Castiel let out a breathy laugh and nodded quickly, "She um, she helped me even if it meant she'd be hurt. I-I don't know if I'll ever be able to repay that debt," Castiel muttered. Cain tsked at him.

"We aren't that kind group Castiel. You were saved because you are a living human being. I give you my word, that no payment will ever be asked of you," Cain explained. Castiel nodded and gave him his best smile.

"Thank you. Wh-When can I go home?"

Cain frowned and looked down at his hands, "Castiel, you'll have to stay with us for quite a while."

"Why? I want to go home, I-I have family," Castiel argued, his heart racing once again.

"The storms have started, it would be dangerous for us to try and get you back. And do you even know where your base camp is?" he asked. Castiel opened his mouth to speak but froze. He knew it was in the mountains but that was all.

"We...we lived in Illinois but the cabin we were staying in was far...several hours north in the mountains. My boy-best friend's uncle had a place that we stayed in," Castiel explained, his face burning at the almost slip of what Dean really was to him. Cain smoothed a hand down his beard and sighed.

"Castiel, those people took you from your home and from what Meg told me, you were passed out the entire time they moved you. Their base camp, the one where we found you was in Iowa and now you're here, in Missouri. If it's storming here, it's very well snowing where you were. Especially if you were in the mountains," Cain said. Castiel slumped back against the bed with a shuddering breath.

He was stuck here, miles and miles away from anyone he knew and loved. Dean...Dean was so far away from him. Not knowing what else to do, he curled up into a ball and turned his back from the man who saved him.

There were heavy footsteps on the floor and the sound of the door closing. Only then did Castiel allow himself to cry into the pillow.


	16. Chapter 16

~Two Months Later~

 

 

"Dean, Dean hey wake up."

Dean groaned, his hand slapping at whatever it was poking against his shoulder. The poking became more and more insistent and finally Dean spun around. He barely had his eyes open when he gripped at Sam's wrist.

"Dude...this is the first time I've actually a decent amount of sleep!" Dean grumbled. Sam rolled his eyes and shoved at Dean's arm until he was finally sitting up.

"The snow is melting," he said. It took all of five minutes for it to sink in exactly what his brother was saying. He tumbled off the bed and hurried towards his window. Sure enough, he could see the beginnings of the grass poking out from under the snow.

"Finally," Dean said, damn near tripping over himself again to grab at his pants and boots. Sam gently stopped him before pushing his shoulder to sit down.

"Dean, you can't just up and leave, you need to talk to dad first. C'mon hear me out man," Sam said. Dean shook his head and shot up from the bed, his mind already focused in on getting his bag packed and into the nearest car. He promised himself the night Ash told him where he'd seen those guys take Cas, he'd hit the road the moment that he could. And right now was that moment.

"You don't understand Sam, I gotta do this now before anyone can try to talk me out of it," Dean said.

"Hey, I do understand. If it were Jess out there I would be wanting to do the same thing but you have to be smarter about this. You just going out there without a plan-"

"I do have a plan!"

"No, you don't. You wanna just pack up and take off without thinking about it. Dean, you're my brother, I know you. I want to help you find Castiel, he was my friend too," Sam argued. Dean took in a deep breath and held it for a moment. He didn't want to sit around for another day making plans. His father would most likely try to talk him out of it and Dean couldn't afford for that. Just imagining what Castiel had gone through in the last two months made him want to vomit.

Dean tossed his bag onto the bed and dragged his hand down his face. Everything in his body was screaming at him to go now, now, now. Licking at his dry lips he finally gave Sam a curt nod.

"Fine...but I'm only waiting until after breakfast. Then I'm leaving. I have to find him Sam," Dean said vehemently. Sam gripped at his shoulder, nodding quickly. Both of them left the room and headed down stairs. The smell of bacon and eggs hit Dean nose almost instantly. His stomach growled loudly and for a second he was ashamed to admit that his big moose of a brother was right. He was acting rashly and neither he or Castiel could afford that.

"Smells good in here Jody," Dean said with a small smile. She turned to pat him on the side of his face before pushing a plate heaping with food into his hands. He turned without another word and sank down in one of the chairs surrounding the table. There were others down stairs but no one was really talking to the other. Being cooped up with the same people for months was beginning to get to all of them. Thankfully Dean would be leaving soon and he was grateful for that for so many different reasons.

He had just popped a piece of sausage into his mouth when his father, Bobby and Benny all came into the room. Only Benny gave him a nod and Dean frowned. His father was avoiding him and it made his skin itch.

"Dad?" he called out. John paused and almost didn't turn to look at him. Dean could see it in the way he squared off his shoulders.

"John, just talk to him ya idjit," Bobby groused, grabbing Benny's shoulder to lead him away from the table. Confusion set even deeper inside of him but he remained sitting straight. John sighed heavily and finally moved to sit across from Dean.

"I know what you're gonna end up doin son," John said softly.

Dean let out an exasperated breath, "We've talked about this Dad. I'm gonna go find him."

"I know, I just wish you didn't have to. This whole thing was my fault-"

"No it wasn't, Dad what the hell are you even talking about?" Dean demanded. His stomach roiled uncomfortably and he pushed his plate away from him.

"I should have never called for that big of a scavenging party. I was too confident and in the end people were hurt and we lost two of them," John said with a heavy sigh. Dean swallowed hard and looked down at his hands. He didn't want to voice that he had been against the plan from the very beginning. In his head he knew that going out and scavenging before the storm was essential but taking such a huge group and splitting them up had been a horrible idea. But who was he to go against his father and the other men leading? He was only 17 after all.

"I can see it all over your face that you know that I'm right. It was my fault and now you're going out there to bring Castiel back," John huffed out a laugh.

"Dad, no come on-"

"No, I understand why you're doin it. If this was you or Sam...or your mother if she was still here, I'd be out there like a mad man trying to find you. So I understand and I'll do whatever I can to help you out," John said. Dean was taken aback a little but he nodded numbly, a small smile pulling at his lips.

"Thanks dad. I uh, don't really know what I'll need except for Ash to make me a map," he said, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly.

"You're not going alone…" John started, his head jerking to the side when Sam interrupted him.

"Like hell he is. Me and Jess are comin with," his little brother said, his brow rising up in a challenge.

"And so are we," Samandriel piped in, moving to stand next to Sam. Dean made a noise and quickly stood holding his hands to make them pause.

"No, wait. I mean appreciate it but you all can't go with me," Dean countered. Samandriel rolled his eyes as his arms crossed over his chest.

"If it weren't for you, I probably wouldn't even be alive right now, so I owe you this and I'm a pretty damn good shot now," Samandriel shot back. Dean stared at him and laughed softly, fingers pushing into his forehead. He remembered that day so well but none of them inside the truck had never told Benny or Samandriel the entire story. He looked up to see Samandriel slightly glaring at him and Dean bit his lip.

"It was Cas. He just knew that Benny needed help and I've always trusted his judgement," he said softly. Samandriel's mouth dropped open with a soft oh just before a huge smile erupted on his face.

"Well then, we're especially going now. You can't stop us Winchester," he shot out and turned on his heel.

Dean let out a laugh and shook his head, "I don't know, I think I liked that kid more when he couldn't walk around."

"I heard that!" he heard Samandriel shout and everyone around him laughed. It broke whatever tension had been building in the room and Dean let out a long sigh.

"Okay, it's settled then. And we'll leave first thing tomorrow morning instead," he said.

* * *

The next morning he was standing beside the same truck they had used to escape the city, the very one Castiel had pointed out on the highway. He patted at the hood fondly, his breath coming out stilted. Sam was talking with Ash about the map while Jess, Benny and Samandriel continued to load the truck. Dean had been checking the engine to make sure everything was fine. He didn't want it to get stuck again like it had in the woods. They couldn't afford something like that being so far away from home.

Home.

He wasn't even sure this place was going to be home anymore when they got back. John was still extremely adamant about packing up and moving. Dean of course didn't want to. They had everything needed up here. And they were far enough away from the dead he was sure they didn't need to worry about herds finding their way up. Only people who wanted what they had.

Ellen knew of a place and as much as Dean could read on her face that she didn't want to leave either, she brought it up anyway. It was a large cabin along the river her father took her too as a child. Some place called Camp Chitaqua. The only problem was that it was in northern Michigan. Which could easily take an entire day to get to. Yeah it was only eight hours away but that could take them much longer to get to.

Dean had made a compromise with John which had his entire insides in knots. If he couldn't find Castiel in a week, then they were moving. Dean tried to argue, to demand that it wasn't fair that they were just going to leave Castiel out there. John argued back that Castiel could be dead and Dean had to hold back from hitting his own father in the jaw.

It was a truth he was not willing to think about right then.

"About time to go brother," Benny said moving to stand next to him. Dean nodded woodenly and shoved the charm bracelet he took out of his mother's jewelry box into his pocket. He was praying that maybe he'd get some luck with it. He had this entire vision of finding Castiel and embracing him until they both fell to the ground. Then he'd ask him to be his forever with that bracelet. It was such a strong feeling in his gut that he was nearly vibrating from it.

"Yeah I know. Let's get out of here," he said. Their goodbyes were quick with the exception of Gabriel. He hugged Dean so tight his back cracked. The older Novak begged him to bring back his brother which Dean had to promise. He pulled away with a tear stained shoulder and had to quickly turn away before anyone saw that his own face was wet.

They piled into the truck with Dean driving first and it took only a minute of Dean staring ahead for him to finally get the car into drive and moving forward.

* * *

"Are you sure this is it?" Dean asked, his voice barely audible over the truck's engine. He had been expecting to see some kind of stronghold. With armed guys on the fence and cars everywhere. There were cars but there was absolutely no one living around. The dead were shambling around, a wall near the gate was crumbling from where a car had crashed through. This place looked completely abandoned.

"This is where Ash marked…" Sam whispered. Dean glanced over to his brother. He was fumbling with the map, his fingers trembling as he followed the lines that Ash drew.

"What the hell happened then?" Benny asked leaning forward over the bench seat.

"They were over run or something," Jess piped in. Dean shook his head.

"No, someone else attacked them. Whoever it was drove something very heavy through that wall. Either purposely letting the dead in or these ones just walked in afterwards," Dean said. They had to get inside to see the real damage. He noticed a tower near the front gate and if they could get in there they could get a better view of the entire ground. The discussion was short and soon they were sneaking up towards the hole in the wall. The dead ones near it were easily and quietly taken down while Sam picked at the lock on the tower.

"Oh shit!" Sam cried, the door flinging open as a few of the dead ones fell out on top of him. Dean flew forward, dragging one off while Benny got another and Samandriel was driving a knife through the third one's skull.

"Hurry it up, the other ones heard that," Benny hissed. Dean pushed the others forward, getting the door shut and locked just before he heard several groans. Everyone was breathing heavily but they still had some work to do. They charged up the stairs, each one taking a different direction as they used their rifles to take out the lingering dead ones. It seemed to take forever but once they were satisfied they got them all Dean let out a long breath. His heart was pounding in his ears as sweat poured down his back. It was still freezing outside but with all the adrenaline he was nearly burning up.

"Here, take a few drinks and then we'll get down there," Jess said softly. Dean nodded his thanks and took her canteen, taking several long sips. He passed it on to Benny and looked out around the compound. Now that he wasn't focused on the Dead, he could clearly see more evidence that this place had been attacked. Sides of buildings were missing and scorch marks littered the pavement where some kind of explosive must have been thrown.

Then off in the distance he saw them. Tents. The same tents Ash told him about. Dean didn't remember exactly when he pushed everyone out of his way but he did hear them calling after him. He didn't care anymore. With this much damage to the place, he was terrified what he would find in those tents. He tore off across the compound, his feet pounding into the ground just as hard as his heart. It took him less than three minutes though it felt like forever to reach the tents and his heart nearly stopped when he saw all the damage. They were ripped apart and old decaying bodies were everywhere.

"Cas!" Dean shouted, spinning around in a circle as he called out for his boyfriend over and over again.

"C'mon baby...show yourself," Dean whispered, his chest heaving with every breath he dragged into his lungs. His vision was narrowing and his head felt incredibly light as he yelled out for his boyfriend one more time.

"Dean...he's not here," Sam said. Dean shook his head, not wanting to believe his brother even if the evidence was staring him right in the face. Even if Castiel managed to get away, how could have lived out here for two months? Dean crumpled into himself and let out a strangled sob as he nearly fell to his knees. Something strong held him up and he didn't need to look to know it was both Benny and Sam holding onto him.

"It doesn't mean he's dead, there's still hope," Sam said against his ear. Dean shook his head again, his voice coming in a whine.

"Look around Sammy...he's...he's dead," he gasped.

"Let's get somewhere inside," someone urged and Dean was hardly aware of being moved. His vision was so blurry. All this time he had been trying so hard to keep some kind of hope that Castiel was alive. That he'd see his little boyfriend again. Once he was pushed into a chair, Dean buried his face into his hands and cried. He was such a mess. His heart was crumbling into a million pieces while his stomach roiled.

A new vision exploded into his mind. Castiel being bound, helpless and unable to fight for himself as those things tore into his tent. The screams tearing out of his throat had Dean up out of the chair and across the room. His entire body shook as he heaved the contents of his stomach onto the floor. He couldn't get the image of how scared Castiel looked, his glasses broken on the floor as he never stopped screaming.

"Dean...Dean! Look at me, you have to stop or you're going to pass out!" a woman's voice cried as chilled hands held his face still. His vision cleared just enough to see blonde hair and blue eyes. He clung to her arms and let out another sob.

"He's gone mom….he's gone and I'll never see him again," he said just before his world turned black.

* * *

Sam stared down at his brother's unmoving body and swallowed the bile in his own throat. Dean had completely lost it. Watching him cling to Jess while calling her mom had nearly broken Sam down. He had hoped to find Castiel as well but this was just...beyond anything he could have imagined. It wasn't fair. Dean already blamed himself for so much already and now this? His brother wasn't going to be the same.

"Is he still out?" Benny asked coming into the room with another canteen full of water. Sam nodded. It'd been almost twenty minutes since Dean passed out so they were just waiting for him to wake up. They needed to get out of there before it got too dark but Sam wanted to look around. Maybe get some answers of what happened.

"Sam, go ahead. We'll take care of him. Let us know if you find anything," Samandriel said interrupting his thoughts. He nodded and took up Jess's hand before slipping out the door. It was too quiet and every noise they made seemed magnified ten fold. Jess's fingers were gripping his hand so tightly he wanted to ask if she was okay but remained quiet.

They followed a hallway towards some stairs, taking them up slowly in case there was something waiting for them up top. The place was some kind of old factory and Sam was convinced that there would be a mess hall or something with supplies they could use back home.

"What do you think is in here?" Jess asked pointing to steel sliding door. Sam shrugged a bit. He had no idea what to even expect in a place like this. He was scared of what waited for them behind it but he also wanted to pry it open. They pulled the lock up and very slowly, pushed it to the side. Thankfully there was nothing moving in the huge room but there were a row of lockers with an office across the way. The glass was smudged up with grime but Sam pointed out the lockers to Jess. She silently nodded and they began to rummage through them. Finding old magazines and some clothes here and there. There was a door to the left of the office that had a window, allowing them to see that it was indeed a kitchen type area. Sam sent up a silent thank you and pulled it open.

"Sam!" Jess cried, her gun flying up to point at the person suddenly in his face. It snarled at him and he was flying on his back for the second time that day but something was off about this one.

"Jess wait!" Sam shouted, his hands coming up to push at the body on top of him. He barely recognized her but his heart stilled in his chest.

"Claire!" he shoved hard, sending the girl flailing back. Jess made a move to kick her but Sam quickly snatched at her boot.

"You're alive!" Jess demanded, her gun steadily pointed at her head. Claire glared at them both before something must have clicked.

"Oh God...it would be my fucking luck," she said through gritted teeth.

"You bitch...I should shoot you right now," Jess growled out, taking step closer. Sam held her off and turned to stare at the girl on the floor. She was a mess. From head to toe she was completely covered in dirt and grime. She was much skinnier than she had been from before and Sam shook his head.

"Where's Cas?" he demanded. Claire flinched at the name and looked down. Something inside of Sam snapped and he was gripping her chin, forcing her to look at him.

"Where is he?"

"I-I don't know. I didn't seem him after it happened.." she whispered. Sam released her and sat back on his heels.

"What exactly happened here Claire?" he asked a bit softer this time. Claire rubbed her nose and sniffled.

"It was right after we came back. Castiel was hurt and I talked one of the nurses into helping him. I swore that I would come back and see him but I never got to. These people attacked us with trucks and some kind of fire bombs. They even released an entire swarm of dead ones into our camp. I-I saw them...at the tents," Claire let out a broken sob and her tears left tracks in the mud on her cheeks.

"The one Castiel was in...they tore into and I ran. I'm the only one left," she whispered, her eyes taking a far away look to them. Sam shook his head angrily, needing to hold himself back from hitting her.

"But you never saw them actually get to Castiel then?" Jess asked a little bit of hope in her voice. Claire laughed bitterly and shook her head.

"It doesn't matter, there were way too many of them! Castiel had been shot in the leg and tied up, there's no way he could have made it out of there," Claire shouted. Sam glared at her, the bile rising up in his throat again. Poor Castiel, they'd been too late. If they had gone when Dean wanted to, maybe they could have saved him or something. Sam spun and punched at the nearest wall, the shattering pain radiating up his arm.

"Sam! Are you okay?" Jess cried. Sam sucked in a sharp breath, the pain was still sharp but not there was a dull thud starting in his shoulder. He was pretty sure he freaking broke his hand.

"Yeah...God, Dean is gonna be so upset, especially when he sees her," he said. Jess crossed her arms over her stomach, her jaw working as she stared over at Claire.

"What are we gonna do with her anyway? We can't bring her back to the compound, not after everything she's done," she said.

"You know I can still hear you?" Claire spat. Sam snorted.

"You think I give two fucks that you can hear us? Thanks to you two of my friends are dead, so shut your damn mouth."

"He was my cousin!"

"That you let get kidnapped and then killed!" Jess yelled. Sam had to quickly take her arm with his good one before she could move closer to Claire.

"I say we leave her here, she's made it this far on her own. Speaking of, how have you been feeding yourself? Where did your people keep the food?" Sam asked with a raised brow. Claire tried to roll her eyes and this time Sam wasn't quick enough. Jess surged forward and slapped the other girl hard enough it echoed along the walls.

"You owe Dean and you can repay him by telling us where the food is, now," Jess demanded. Claire's glare was heated but she finally flicked her head back towards the door she had flew from. Jess gave her a terse smile and stepped into the room while Sam stayed in the hallway.

When she finally came back out her eyes were wide and she instantly looked down at Claire, "She's sitting on literally months of food in there. I say we leave her a week's worth and take the rest."

"I don't know, we need to talk to Dean about this-"

"Do it," Dean's voice made Sam nearly jump out of his skin. His older brother looked beyond destroyed but he was walking on his own. Benny and Samandriel stood at his back both looking equally upset.

"Dean-"

"No...she's the reason why my boyfriend is fucking dead, let her suffer," Dean seethed, his eyes growing hard and cold the longer he stared at Claire. As for her, Claire was crying, her hands covering her face as she mumbled 'I had no choice' over and over again. Dean rolled his eyes and pushed past them all to head into the room, sounds of falling cans following soon after.

* * *

Dean stared out into the new barron garden, his throat tight and locked up seeing it ripped up. They wanted to preserve the garden Castiel had worked so hard to create. None of them felt right letting it die so they were going to take it with them. Dean demanded that one of the sunflowers be left. Just one. He then went to work building a cross carved with honey bees into it. It was quick and a little sloppy but he refused to leave the compound without getting it finished.

They were leaving tomorrow. To head out to that camp in Michigan. Ellen was sure that some of her family members would still be in the area and for whatever reason, the others seemed to agree. Dean didn't really have a voice in the matter, just nodded and went back up to their-his room.

He swallowed hard and shook off the overwhelming cold that tried to creep up his spine. The bee plushie was clutched in one hand while his mother's charm bracelet along with a letter he wrote in the other. Castiel was dead so there was no reason to leave a letter, or so his father said but Dean did it anyway. And as much as his father tried to hide it, Dean had found the entire journal filled with letters addressed to his mother.

"I'm so sorry I failed you Cas. I shouldn't have listened to them. I should have come for you immediately. I miss you so much and can't stand the fact that we're leaving. I love you and regret that I didn't tell you that nearly enough. I think I knew from the moment we first sat outside your window. Rest in peace baby," Dean whispered, hugging the bee close to his chest before slipping it inside of a ziploc bag along with the bracelet and letter. They didn't have a body to bury but this was his only idea.

He pushed the little mountain of dirt over the bag and had to stop mid way to keep his damn tears under control. This was too much. A soft breeze tickled along his skin and he took in a deep breath, finishing his task. He got the cross pushed in far enough that it wouldn't fall over and brushed the dirt from his pants.

"Goodbye Castiel," Dean said, backing away slowly until he couldn't take seeing the lonely sunflower anymore and turned around running towards the trucks.


	17. Chapter 17

hey guys, sorry for the delay in updates.  
  
I am still here and my stories are still active.  
  
I work in retail and if any of you know how it is during Christmas...it's been seriously kicking my ass this year.  And now that we're open till midnight, all I wanna do now is play video games lol.  Just wanted to give you all an update.  
  
Love you all very much!


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I survived the holidays! Wanna thank you all so much for sticking with me!
> 
> This chapter is a little shorter than I intended but I wanted to get Castiel's POV in there before I shoot forward in time again.

  


* * *

Castiel brushed the sweat from his forehead, his clothes sticking to his body as he straightened up to pop his back. He was in one of the many green houses around the property and the sun was doing a pretty good job keeping it overly warm inside. The one Cain had specifically given to Castiel to tend was doing incredibly well. Much like anything that had to do with the earth, his produce was thriving and the others were either jealous of him or sought him out for advice.

On the outside everyone thought Castiel was enjoying living here, that he was making friends and bettering himself. Maybe it was true. He did finally get over his fear and learned how to shoot several different types of guns. Meg took over those training sessions and Castiel was happier for it. His social skills were still horrible but he did try to be a bit more friendly. There were several people here that he could have easily claimed as his friends but he just couldn't get passed that last hurdle. Besides, he was going to be leaving soon.

He couldn't afford to have any deep attachments to anyone here. Not when he didn't think he'd ever be coming back. The only person he allowed any kind of deeper affection with was Meg. Solely because she had saved his life. She also didn't pry him for information about where he came from. Instead she poured over a map with him, helping him figure out exactly where the cabin was. After the first couple weeks of Castiel describing everything, Meg finally came to him with a general idea of where his family could be.

And now with the snow starting to melt, Castiel knew it was time. He wanted Meg to come with, have her meet his family but if that weren't possible, he'd make the trip alone. He wasn't scared, well no, he was still terrified of being on the road and getting caught by the dead ones or even another group. The fear of not being able to protect himself was completely gone. Not only did he receive extensive weapon training, Meg taught him how to fight as well.

Castiel didn't know how he'd ever repay her for everything she'd done for him.

The door to the greenhouse pried open with a loud squeak and he turned to find Hannah slipping into the building. A cloth covered plate in one hand. She gave him a timid smile as she came closer, setting the plate and a bottle of water down on one of the counters.

"Thank you, you really didn't have to do that," Castiel said lifting up the towel. The smell of freshly cooked bacon flitted up to his nose and his stomach growled loudly. He couldn't remember the last time he ate. His appetite had decreased with the return of his nerves in the past few days. When the storm had come, it was easy telling himself internally that he'd be leaving afterwards. But now that it was here and within days, it was hard for him to come up with a way to explain this to Cain.

"Well, you've been working so hard. Just my way of saying thank you," she said shyly, brushing some of her brown hair behind her ear. Castiel cleared his throat and looked around for something to preoccupy himself with. Hannah was a sweet girl, a year younger than him and from what Meg had told him, completely infatuated with Castiel. It didn't matter that Meg had told her numerous times that he was not only taken but gay. Hannah didn't seem to believe her.

"I should um, get back to work you know?" he said with a forced laugh. Hannah bit her lip and nodded even though her body swayed closer towards him. At the last second she seemed to remember herself and hurried back out the door. Castiel sighed heavily, sinking down onto the stool. Even though he was hungry, the food sitting on the counter also made his stomach churn sourly.

He glanced up at the sky through the flat windows that made the roof and watched as the clouds slowly rolled by. It was time to leave. He just had to figure out how to say goodbye.

* * *

"Castiel, I understand you feel you need to do this. But why can't you stay here with us instead? You've done so well here, it would be a shame to see you leave," Cain said, his face set into a grim expression. Castiel swallowed hard, trying to find some of the courage buried deep down.

"Father, he needs-"

"Meg, I asked him. Not you," Cain interjected. Meg pursed her lips but said nothing else.

"She's right though, I need to get home. It's been over two months. I need to reconnect with my people. Once I do, I can always come back. Create a trading system between the two of us or something," Castiel said. Cain frowned again, his hair swaying as he shook his head.

"If there is nothing I can do to persuade you, then I can't keep you hostage. We will give you all the supplies you need before you go," Cain said. Castiel said his thanks and went to leave but Meg cleared her throat.

"Supplies? That's all? No car or weapons to help protect himself?" Meg snapped, her brow raising up in defiance. Cain stared at her for a moment before heaving a sigh.

"We can't afford to lose one of our cars but weapons were apart of the supplies Meg," Cain answered. It didn't seem to be enough for Meg. She took a few steps closer her hands held out in a pleading stance.

"We won't have to worry about not getting the car back. I'll be going-"

"You will not!"

"Father-"

"No!" Cain bellowed raising up from his chair. Castiel swallowed hard, his feet stumbling a bit as he backed away from them. He had no idea that Meg even wanted to go with him and felt uncomfortable being in the middle of this fight. His legs refused to take him any further towards the door, keeping him rooted to the spot.

"I can't risk you going out there again. I already lost your mother and nearly lost you as well. Not again," Cain said much softer this time. Even Meg's face softened and she closed the distance between them.

"You won't. But we can't be sure Castiel will make it on his own. Let me help get there sooner and connect with his people. Maybe we can bring them all here. It'll be safer for us, you even said so yourself that we need more people," she said. Cain shook his head, his eyes closing as he took in a deep breath.

"Fine," he said through clenched teeth. Meg quickly backed away as her father stood and stomped out of the room.

"Meg, you didn't have to do that! I don't want to come between you and your father," Castiel hissed. Meg rolled her eyes.

"Don't worry about him okay? Besides, I want to come and met this great Dean-o of yours," she said with that sardonic smile of hers. Castiel chuckled, nodding a bit as the sour anxiety flipped to excitement.

He was going home.

* * *

Over twelve hours and a handful of re routes, Castiel was finally starting to recognize the area. They even passed by the same gas station where the truck had broken down. It seemed like such a long time ago when Dean had pulled him out of the ravine just in time. God he missed Dean. He swallowed the hard knot in his throat and fumbled his hands together in his lap. Guilt tore through him when his brother suddenly flitted through his mind. He'd barely thought of him in the past two months. Part of him felt that if he was dead, then it would be easier. But the other half wanted to crumple each time Gabriel's smiling face would fill his thoughts. Deep down he knew Gabriel had to still be alive. He had to be.

"I think we're here handsome," Meg said jarring him from his thoughts. Castiel's head snapped up and sure enough, the gate was coming into view. His heartbeat seemed to stop for a second before racing ahead so fast and hard it could have easily ripped right out of his chest.

Meg slowed the car to a stop and Castiel hesitated, his hand barely touching the handle when he realized something was very wrong. There were no cars in the gravel area or anywhere on the property for that matter. Something curled in his stomach and he was out of the car and crossing through the gate before he could realize what he was doing.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Meg called after him. He heard the door close and knew Meg was coming to stand beside him. Something heavy was pressed into his hand and he squeezed the hilt of the knife. The weight of it felt good in his hand and he let the solid metal ground him.

"I don't know," he finally answered as he continued to look around. There was no movement, no sound, absolutely nothing. One thing did catch his eye and it took him a moment to realize what he was looking at. There was a lone sunflower swaying in the breeze and his breath caught in his throat.

His garden was gone.

Castiel wasn't sure when he took off in a run but he ignored Meg as she called after him. He stopped just short of the garden, his breathing becoming ragged. The entire garden save the sunflower had been ripped up.

"Why...why would they do this?" Castiel asked himself as he dropped heavily to his knees. It didn't make any sense. They couldn't have left...could they? Dean would never leave him, he had promised over and over again. Unless...

Something next to the sunflower caught his eye and he slowly crawled over to it. When it came into view Castiel nearly heaved the bile left over in his stomach. It was a cross, with his name carved into it. There were even little markings that he could recognize as bees. Whoever had done this, did it in haste but still. His hand shook as he reached out to touch it, hoping it would shatter and he'd wake up in Dean's arms again.

He gasped sharply as the tears began to burn his eyes. It was Dean. His boyfriend had made sure his favorite flower was left behind and made this cross for him. Dean thought he was dead.

"Oh God," Castiel groaned, his head falling into his hands. So many different emotions were coursing through him, he didn't know whether to cry or scream in frustration. It wasn't fair. He'd survived and even made it back to find all of them gone! In that moment he hated Dean for even believing for a second that he was dead.

Castiel pushed off his glasses, wiping at his eyes roughly. He had let himself hope so much that the weight of it all was suddenly crushing his chest. Groaning, he pulled his knees up and rocked back and forth. This hadn't happened the entire time he'd been at Meg's home. Mostly because he forced himself to work through it. He didn't have Dean or his brother to hold his hand but there was a light at the end of the tunnel then. Now, he didn't know what to do.

"There's no one here Castiel. The place has been empty for a while now," Meg said a little out of breath. Castiel ignored her, his heartbeat and breathing too loud in his ears. Something touched his shoulder and he jerked away harshly. Meg seemed to understand and he felt the earth shift next to him as she sat down.

"Oh shit, is that...damn," Meg groaned. Castiel lifted his face and watched a blurry image of Meg touching at the cross. He wanted to scream at her to stop, to keep her hands off of it but his voice was stuck in his throat.

"They must have tracked you down somehow, found what was left of Azazel's camp," Meg said quietly. Castiel's body shuddered at the mention of that man's name. He was grateful he never had to meet him or be subjected to his or his right hand man's disgusting tactics. There were plans for him, that he had learned from Meg but they never had time to do anything mainly due to his leg injury at the time. He had never been more thankful for getting shot, even if it meant he had a small but permanent limp.

Castiel swallowed hard and beat down the crashing waves of anxiety. It took him a few minutes but he was able to unfurl from himself enough to reach out and grab one of the petals that had fallen to the ground.

"Knowing Dean, he did. He wouldn't stop looking for me," Castiel said. Meg tentatively reached out and this time Castiel allowed her to touch his shoulder.

"I'm so sorry Castiel," she said. He nodded slowly and rubbed at his eyes again before pulling on his glasses. There was nothing else for him here and almost turned to head back to the car when he remembered his bee. Surely Dean would have left it behind. He held up his hand to Meg as he ran back towards the house. It was too quiet and unsettling. There should have been some kind of shouting or something but the longer Castiel stood there, the more the silence ate at him. He gathered himself up and ran up the stairs, ignoring all the other rooms to get to the one he and Dean shared for such a small amount of time.

"No," he gasped. Everything was gone. All except for his clothes. Biting down on his lip, he shoved the closet door open and snatched up one of the old, falling apart duffel bags inside. The taste of blood filled his mouth but he didn't care that he had bit through his lip. It was the only thing keeping him from falling apart at that moment. He shoved the clothes into the bag but froze when he his fingers touched leather. Tugging at it he finally got it free and hugged it close to his chest. It was the leather jacket Dean had traded in for the larger one John had gifted him on his birthday. Back when there were no dead walkers or people trying to kill them.

He pulled the jacket on and let his eyes flutter shut as the smell of his boyfriend filled his senses. It was a little big on him but he didn't care. He'd get someone to hem up the sleeves if he had to.

"Castiel! I found something!" he heard Meg call out. Castiel looked around the room one more time before hurrying back down the stairs. Meg's hands were dirty and in one of them was the cross. He wanted to hurl himself at her until he saw a plastic bag in the other, something black and yellow shoved inside.

"Oh my God," he gasped snatching the bag from her. It was his bee plushie. He hugged it close as a sob tore at his throat. He wasn't aware of something else falling to the floor but Meg picked it up. When he saw it, his chest squeezed so hard it hurt.

"That...that was his mother's," he whimpered, taking up the charm bracelet so gently he was scared it would break. Why would Dean leave this in the grave? It didn't make any sense but then again, nothing else was.

"Here, this was in there too," Meg said handing him an envelope. It had his name scrawled on the front of it and he recognized the handwriting instantly. Meg gently pushed him towards one of the chairs and smiled.

"Take your time, I'll keep watch outside," she said and left him alone. Castiel's eyes blurred over and he ripped open the envelope with trembling hands.

_Dear Castiel,_

_I don't care what anyone says, I still think you're out there somewhere. Yes, I dug this grave and put a cross with your name on it but somewhere deep down, I know you're still alive. They are making me leave. I tried to fight, wanting to stay here until you came home but my dad and my brother will drag me out of here against my will._

_I miss you so much. We had such a short time together it wasn't fair. I still love you and won't ever stop._

_Plans in this type of world we live in now are a joke but I did have at least one for us. I was going to find you and place the bracelet around your wrist as I asked you to be mine for life. I know you would have said yes and we would have tried to make each other happy._

_I hope I did for at least a little while._

_Love always,_

_Dean_

Castiel wasn't aware of the keening noise he was making until arms were wrapping around him. They weren't the ones he truly wanted but he buried his face in Meg's shoulder anyway. She held him until he stopped crying, pushing himself away from her to wipe angrily at his face.

"He believed I was alive but couldn't even tell me where he was going," Castiel spat, trying to fold the letter nicely to put back in the envelope. Meg gave him a crooked smile and helped him clasp the bracelet around his wrist.

"I'm not one to really believe in fate or whatever but...I think if you and Dean were really meant to be, you'll find each other again," she said. Castiel felt too numb to let her words sink in but they would later. Flicking that little flame of hope in his chest.

He gathered up his stuff and lead the way back to the car, not even bothering to take another glance at the compound.


	19. Chapter 19

~One Year Later~

  
  
  


_ “Coming for me...for saving me over and over again.  I’m...I’m such a burden to you Dean…” Castiel muttered.  _

_ “Cas you listen to me.  You are not a burden, you never have been.  I’ll always be there to take care of you...always,” Dean said.  _

 

_ “I dreamed that you left me behind…” Castiel whispered.   _

_ “I would never do that Cas...you’ll never be left behind, I promise.” _

 

_ “You’ll be okay Cas...I promise...I’m not leaving you behind,”  _

 

Dean shot up in bed with a sharp gasp.  Castiel’s voice was still ringing in his ears even after all this time.  His nightmares wouldn’t let up and on nights like tonight, they were even worse.  His imagination always got the best of him, showing him things he never wanted to see.  Dean let out a shaky breath as he tried to maneuver as quietly as he could to sit up, his feet instantly retracting from the cold floor.

 

A warm hand rubbed up his back and he he sighed heavily, turning his head a bit to catch sleepy brown eyes blinking at him.  They were completely the wrong shade, the body too curvy and soft but Lisa was sweet and never once gave him hell for still being in love with Castiel even after a year of never finding him or getting a sign he was even alive.

 

“You haven’t had one for a while,” she stated softly, her strong fingers kneading into the knot at the base of his neck.  He groaned and let his head fall forward.

 

“I don’t know why they’re coming back…” he whispered, “I’m sorry Lis you should go back to sleep.”

 

“Mmhmm and leave you awake and torturing yourself?  Don’t think so,” she said with a soft laugh.  Dean couldn’t help himself and smiled, his head turning again just in time to meet her lips on his cheek.

 

“I’m sorry-”

 

“Yeah you keep saying that Winchester,” she teased as she moved to sit beside him along the edge of the bed instead, “And like I keep saying, you have nothing to be sorry for.”

 

“Everyone is starting to assume though…” Dean said gesturing between them.  Lisa’s brow quirked up and she rolled her eyes.

 

“Like I care what the others think?  You saved mine and my son’s life Dean, this is the least I could do to repay you,” she said.  Dean rubbed a hand down his face and groaned.

 

“But we’re not even really sleeping together,” he murmured.  And it was true.  It wasn’t lack of trying though.  There were a few girls and even a few guys that had attempted to seduce him but he never once took any of them to his cabin until he found Lisa trapped in her car.  She was sweet and a hell raiser all at the same time.  It took a few days for Lisa and her son to get settled and when she came knocking on Dean’s door he actually invited her in.  They talked mostly but words turned into kissing but when the moment came Dean couldn’t do it.  Lisa never got upset with him but instead allowed for him to spill about Castiel.  

 

From then on she slept in his cabin to help keep the nightmares away while Ben slept in the next room.  Everyone thought they were together and Dean had gotten a few disapproving looks from not only his father but Sam and Benny as well.  He hated it so much and knew he was withdrawing from all of them but he couldn’t help it.  Losing Castiel had damaged him more than he initially realized.  

 

“Dean, I would like to think we’ve become pretty good friends in the past few months, am I right?” Lisa asked, only continuing when she got a small nod, “So with that being said, you should know damn well that if I had a problem with this I’d say something.  You’ve been such a good friend to me and Ben, if snuggling with you every night is what you need in return, everyone else can go to hell,” Lisa explained, her voice getting a little louder.  Dean felt the uneasy tension in his shoulders loosen just enough for him to draw a deep breath.

 

“Thanks Lis,” Dean said with a true smile this time.  Lisa kissed his cheek and crawled out of the bed to pull on her jeans and hoodie over her sleep shirt.  The sun was just starting to rise and soon Ben would be waking up.  Dean didn’t know how to explain it but having the both of them here in his cabin helped fill some of the gaping hole in his chest.  

 

There were a few thuds from the front door and Dean groaned.  It was patrol day and Dean knew he’d end up getting into an argument with his father again.  He wanted to go out and scavenge but John kept saying no.  That his head wasn’t on straight and he couldn’t afford to lose someone because of stupidity.  

 

When he finally managed to trudge into the small living room area Lisa had already invited Bobby in and there was a cup of coffee in the old man’s hands.  Dean smiled and nodded his hello as Lisa pushed a hot mug into his as well.  Bobby had been the only one to not give him hell about Lisa, in fact he seemed pretty accepting of the whole thing.  Even Ellen seemed more kind about it too.  

 

“You’re gonna be on my team Dean,” Bobby groused after a few minutes of silence.  Dean nearly dropped his mug and he smiled so wide his face hurt.

 

“Seriously?” he asked.

 

“Mmhm, your daddy’s run out of excuses to keep you behind and after Ellen called him a stupid ass a few times, he finally relented in letting you come with me and Jo,” Bobby stated.  Dean huffed out a laugh and took in a deep breath.  He was finally going to get out of the camp for a week.  

 

“Lisa, there’s a spot open on Risa’s team if you wanna go?” Bobby asked.  Lisa frowned, moving to sink down in the only open chair left.

 

“Risa?  She actually said yes for me to join her?  Last I heard she wanted to claw my eyes out because I got to Dean when she couldn’t,” she snorted.  Bobby snickered while Dean’s face turned crimson.  He had tried to be nice, truly but it took Dean almost insulting the poor girl before Risa finally got the hint.

 

“You should tell her that  _ Lisa _ rolls off the tongue better,” Bobby teased.  Lisa giggled behind her hand, trying to be quiet and let Ben sleep longer.  Dean pressed his head against the table and groaned.

 

“Awww,” Bobby and Lisa cooed together just before a sharp wail erupted through the house.  Lisa was still laughing as she hurried to get her son and Dean sat up with a sigh.

 

“You got a good woman,” Bobby said softly, something familiar and knowing in his eyes.  Dean nodded slowly and opened his mouth to explain their situation but Bobby just placed a hand on top of Dean’s.

 

“It’s no one’s business but yours and Lisa’s, you hear me?” Bobby said firmly.  Dean nodded again and whispered his thanks.

 

“The parties leave tomorrow at dawn, you better be ready ya idjit,” Bobby said, standing up and taking his leave.  Dean stared down at his untouched cup of coffee and stayed at the table long after it turned cold.

 

* * *

  
  


Lisa rubbed at her temples, the constant bickering and chattering within her group giving her a migraine.  How Risa become a team leader was beyond her.  The only reason why she even agreed to come was she needed to get out of the camp for a few days and Risa’s group was the only one that had a few baby stores on the list.  Ben wasn’t the only child in their group but Lisa wanted to get something new for the three year old.  The only problem, it was an entirely new area that was much farther than the other team’s.  It really should have been scoped out first by John’s or even Bobby’s team but for whatever reason, they trusted Risa.  

 

The truck pulled to a stop at the edge of the strip mall and Lisa checked over her rifle one more time.  Before meeting Dean she hadn’t known the difference between a pistol and a shotgun were.  Dean had taken it upon himself to teach her the ins and outs, making what she did for him in return even more inadequate.  

 

“You sure you can handle that?” Risa asked eyeing the rifle in Lisa’s lap.  She glared at the other girl before a more predatory smile stretched her lips.

 

“Of course, Dean taught me himself, you doubt him?” she asked.  Risa flinched, her eyes rolling to try and cover it up.  She muttered under her breath and soon they were all crawling out of the car.  Risa of course took point and demanded Lisa take the back, which was just fine with her.  Gave her longer time to look around and take notes of places they needed to go through.  Like the small baby boutique shop on her right.  

 

The strip mall was quiet with the exception of one or two dead ones ambling around.  They were so emaciated they could barely move.  Two other members of her group took them out quickly with their knives and they continued on.  Once at the end they made a circle with a random person facing out to keep watch.  

 

“There’s a baby store at the end that I wanna check out-” Lisa started only to get scoffed at by their  _ leader _ .

 

“Just because you were dumb enough to get pregnant-”

 

“Watch your damn mouth Meloni, you know my wife is pregnant,” Victor snarled, his dark eyes narrowing into a glare.  Risa actually looked a little ashamed of herself and quickly nodded.

 

“Fine, you two can scope out that store,” she said dismissing them after the other assignments were divided up.  Lisa walked next to Victor in silence, not uttering a word until they were in the shop.

 

“Thank you,” she said softly as they looked around, making sure it was clear.  

 

“No problem.  Pay no mind to Risa, she’s a jealous bitch who really needs to get over it,” he said lifting up a pink onesie with a warm smile.  Lisa couldn’t help laughing a little.  It was such a dangerous thing to have in this new world, something to hope for but she helped Victor scoop up clothes, bottles, toys and whatever else they could manage into their duffels.  

 

They had just dropped their bags into the back of the truck when they heard the first shot ring out.  It was so loud that both of them jumped.  Without another thought both of them took off running down to the other end of the street, guns drawn as they slowed to peek around the corner.  

 

There was another group standing with their guns drawn out, a tall woman with long brown hair stood in the middle with a dangerous looking sniper rifle in her hand.

 

“What the fuck…” Victor hissed.  Lisa swallowed hard and shook her head, needing them both to stay quiet in case-

 

‘You two!  Come out now!” The woman shouted, her eyes now staring directly at them.  Lisa cursed under her breath and raised up, not wanting this to turn into a gunfight.  Her hands raised up and the woman snickered a little.

 

“We’re only here to scavenge, we swear,” Risa said.  The woman stared at her for a moment before looking at Lisa again, her head cocking to the side in thought.  

 

“You, why are you really here?” she asked, lifting up his gun to rest on her shoulder. 

 

“She’s telling you the truth,” Lisa answered.  The woman narrowed her eyes and shook her head a bit.

 

“Regardless if you’re telling the truth or not, time for you all to come meet the boss,” she said with a dangerous smile.  Lisa swallowed hard and shook her head.

 

“Just let us go home okay?  We won’t come back,” she said.  The woman laughed and looked back at her team were all snickering as well.

 

“Sure you will, not with this treasure trove sitting here.  C’mon now, we’ll even let you keep your guns,” she said.  The woman’s group moved forward and circled around them.  Lisa cursed internally but didn’t make a move to fight them.  She didn’t want to end up with a bullet in her back and leave her son an orphan.  The woman sidled up next to her and Lisa looked at her nervously.

 

“Don’t you worry, it won’t take us long to get there,” she said.  Lisa gave her a questioning look and the girl laughed.

 

“Please, like that one is the leader of this group?” she said pointing over at Risa.  Lisa couldn’t help smirking but quickly covered it.

 

“Name’s Meg by the way,” she said with a wink and hurried to take the lead again.

 


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew boy, where the hell did the time go! So sorry about that! I will try to get the next chapter up either later tonight or within the next couple of days.
> 
> Tags for this Chapter: Talk of past rape.

  


* * *

Lisa followed the group passed the strip mall into a heavily wooded area just behind it. Hiding behind all the trees were even more people that had her swallowing thickly. So far they didn't seem too dangerous, just extremely cautious. Meg had a snark to her that Lisa really appreciated, especially when it was aimed towards Risa.

"They're cool...so far," Meg said with a jerk of her head. The guns pointing at them lowered and Meg lead them further into a small makeshift camp. There was only one tent in the middle where a young man about her age stood looking down at what she was assuming was a map.

"It worked?" he asked as soon as they approached. Lisa's eyes shot open when that deep rumbly voice came out of such a slight person. Then again his clothes seemed too big for him so there was no way in telling what was underneath the worn leather jacket. He hadn't looked up yet, his long thin fingers brushing over the map instead of really paying them any attention. Risa huffed out a breath next to her and Lisa fought the urge to elbow her in the gut.

"Mmhmm, sure did boss," Meg said, that strange smile pulling at her lips. He laughed and shook his head, a pink tinge lighting up his cheeks as he straightened up.

"Told you to stop callin me that," he grumbled and finally turned his attention to them. Lisa couldn't help sucking in a sharp breath. Thick black glasses hindered her view of his eyes but she could still how amazingly blue they were.

" _It's like looking at pictures of the caribbean, a blue that's so unreal you think it's photoshopped."_

Dean's voice rang out in her head and she had to rub at her face to clear her vision. When she looked back up the boy was staring at her with a strange expression but those eyes were still that deep cerulean.

"You alright there?" Meg asked nudging her with an elbow. Lisa laughed a little and nodded.

"Yeah, just had a strange case of deja vu or something," she said looking away from the boy for a moment. There was no way this could be the same one that Dean was still so hung up on. That kid was dead, long gone and eaten by a walker somewhere. Everyone but Dean was sure of it. Though she tended to side with Dean in things, she couldn't help but see the logic in what the others said.

"What did you mean by it worked?" Risa asked moving to stand in front of Lisa. Meg narrowed her eyes at her and instead of answering Risa, Meg looked at her.

"Clarence here came up with an idea for people entering too close to our camp. To test them out a little. You're the third group to roll in and the only one to actually pass his test," Meg explained. Lisa felt a knot in her chest tighten a bit at the kid's name. Somewhere down deep she had hoped….

"And what exactly was this test?" Victor asked from behind her. Meg smiled up at him and shrugged her shoulders.

"That's for us to know and you to find out later," she said with a wink. Clarence snickered and dragged his fingers through a messy tangle of dark brown hair.

" _And that hair...no matter what he tried it always stood on end. It was adorable and I actually hated all the crap he'd put in it to keep it down…"_

Lisa rubbed at her face again and shifted from one foot to the other while the others continued to bicker and ask about this test. She honestly couldn't find it in herself to care. Her focus was solely on this boy before her and everything he did had Dean's voice echoing off things he'd told her about Castiel. In the very beginning of their relationship Dean had woken her up one night calling out Castiel's name. More like screaming it anyway and with each call would end with him sobbing into his pillow. She'd shaken him awake and he tried to crawl out of the bed so she would see that he'd been crying.

Most women would have walked out and never looked back but Lisa couldn't leave him hurting. Not after he'd risked his life to save her and her son. She got him some water and made him tell her everything. Down to the way Castiel's toes would curl when Dean would tickle him. It had stung that there would never be anything but a friendship between her and Dean but she understood. She'd watched her boyfriend get ripped to shreds just days before Dean found her trapped in the car and though she didn't feel half of what Dean felt for Castiel, it still hurt and there were times she did miss him. She couldn't even imagine the pain Dean felt or the guilt he trapped himself with.

"Hey are you sure you're alright? You keep zoning out," the boy asked, his face suddenly inches from her own. He was down right beautiful and those damn eyes…

"Yes...I think I just need some water," she said softly. He nodded and reached out with his left hand to grab for the water bottle sitting on the table. It was then her entire world spun and her knees buckled a bit with how fast the air left her lungs.

" _It was stupid but I even left my mother's charm bracelet for him. Part of me wishes I had kept it but I meant to give it to him when I got back. To use it as an engagement ring of sorts."_

" _What were the charms on it?" Lisa asked rubbing slow circles across Dean's tense shoulders. He smile ruefully and wiped the tears that were making a mess of his handsome face. He turned shining green eyes at her and she had never seen anything more beautiful than him right then._

" _My mom loved the occult, angels, demons, you name it she knew everything about them. My dad knew of her obsession and handmade protection symbols from her notes to add to a silver chain link bracelet he'd bought her for her birthday," he said._

"Lisa!" Victor shouted and she felt strong hands helping her to sit down on smoothed over rock. Someone knelt down in front of her and she swallowed the uneasiness of her stomach. Worried blue eyes locked with hers and she couldn't help laughing again.

"Where-" Lisa cleared her throat and bit down on her bottom lip before continuing, "Where did you get that bracelet?"

Castiel's eyes hardened a bit, his right hand covering his left wrist instinctively, "Not that it's any of your business but someone I cared for gave it to me," he said, his tone icy and just a tad threatening. Lisa licked her lips and leaned forward a bit. She was surprised he allowed her to pick up one of the charms that she instantly recognized. It was the same protective symbol Dean had tattooed on his chest.

"Oh my God...you're him, you're really him," she gasped, eyes wide and staring. Castiel's eyes narrowed even more and he jerked back from her.

"You're Castiel...aren't you?" she hissed. There were several gasps but she didn't dare take her eyes off him. Castiel's entire body went rigid and the next thing Lisa knew she was flat on her back on the ground, a sharp knife pressing into her throat. Castiel looked absolutely feral as he leaned over her, his teeth gritted together as the others went crazy around them.

"How do you know that name!" he demanded in a half snarl half scream. Lisa's voice locked up in her throat. Of all the things this was the last she ever expected from the sweet boy Dean had described.

"Cas!" Meg shouted, her hands suddenly appearing to try and haul him off of her.

"No! Tell me how you know my name!" he shouted, shoving Meg's hands off of him. Lisa sucked in a breath and tried to speak again but only a squeak of Dean's name came through her lips.

Castiel flinched, the dead coldness that had slithered into his blue eyes melted a bit and the pressure from the knife lessened just enough for her to get an actual gulp of air.

"Dean...I know Dean," she gasped. Castiel flung himself away from her as his eyes filled with tears.

"Excuse me," he stammered and rushed off into the trees. It was another reaction Lisa hadn't been prepared for. She thought Castiel would have been ecstatic, to scream for joy and cry or demand her to take him to Dean straight away. Nothing like this.

"Sorry about that," Meg said holding out a hand. Lisa hesitated for a moment before taking it up and allowing Meg to haul her up to her feet. She opened her mouth to ask but Meg held a finger to her mouth. Meg pulled on her elbow until they were a good distance away from the others. Castiel was still out of sight but Lisa couldn't help constantly looking in the direction he had disappeared.

"Do you really know Dean?" Meg asked in a hushed whisper.

Lisa nodded quickly, "Yes, he's one of the best friends I have ever had," she said and Meg seemed to deflate.

"That name, along with Castiel hasn't been uttered around her in a while…" Meg started, her eyes staring out into the trees. Something made her face scrunch up in pain and she quickly looked back at Lisa. The rage she saw there had Lisa swallowing hard.

"A few months back, before Castiel created this whole test thing we came across a group that we thought was legit. They were extremely knowledgable and we really thought they would fit in with our group. We kept names limited, the only one this group knew was mine," Meg explained and let out a long breath.

"Somehow the one who called himself Bartholomew got one of our people talking. He was real interested in the blue eyed shy boy who didn't speak. For whatever fucking reason, our person spilled about Castiel. Told him way too much, including his lost Dean. So when that prick approached Castiel, saying his name and telling him that he knew Dean, that he was with the rest of their group over the hill, Castiel believed him."

"Oh God…." Lisa groaned, her fingers pressing into her forehead. Meg nodded bitterly, her bottom lip caught between her teeth. There were tears threatening to spill over and Lisa knew that this was just the beginning of a very horrible story.

"Yeah. The asshole even somehow managed to convince Castiel that he didn't need to ask us for advice that Dean was waiting for him. He got Castiel into the woods and...let's just say it didn't end well at all for Castiel," Meg groaned. Lisa felt sick to her stomach. She had to swallow several times to keep down the protein bars she had eaten in the truck.

"Please tell me he's dead…" Lisa asked. Meg brushed off the tears and laughed.

"Oh yeah, when he was finished Castiel pulled the knife out of his boot and stabbed him in the throat. And for the guy who revealed all this to Bartholomew, he's still being punished for it. Now when we're out here Castiel goes by Clarence," Meg explained. Lisa shook her head and closed her eyes. She had to get Castiel back to Dean but how could he even trust her after what he'd been through?

"Cas stop!" Meg's voice shattered her thoughts and she spun around to find the barrel of a shotgun aimed right at her face. Lisa gasped and tried to take a step back but ended up falling flat on her ass. Castiel followed her, the gun never once wavering.

"Cas…"

"Shut up Meg. Who did this bracelet belong to?" Castiel demanded, his eyes dark and feral again. Lisa held up her hands and tried to breathe through the sudden panic filling her chest.

"His mother, it belonged to his mother-"

"You've gotta do better than that. If you're as close to him as you claim to be then what was her name?"

"M-mary."

"Where is she?"

"She's dead…"

"How did she die?" Castiel demanded taking a step closer. He was breathing heavily now and his entire body was shaking. Lisa could see he was close to breaking down and though she really didn't want him to, she figured it was the only way she could get him back to her camp. And back to Dean.

"In a fire...Dean was just a kid…"

Castiel's arms lowered as if they lost the fight holding up all that weight and he slumped down to his knees, "Dean...my Dean...is...is he really at your camp?" he begged. Lisa quickly sat up and nodded.

"Yes, he misses you-"

"He thinks I'm dead!" Castiel shouted, voice thick and breaking. Lisa felt her own chest squeeze in pain and she scooted closer.

"He's never lost faith that you were still out there somewhere. Please, you have to come back with me. He needs you and still loves you so much," she said. Castiel allowed her to grab at his hands and Lisa squeezed his fingers as the trembling turned into a violent shake. She wanted to hug him but she was afraid it would make him worse.

"H=He won't. Not after he sees how much I've changed, not when he learns what happened..." Castiel hissed, his face drawing down. Lisa looked up to Meg for help but the girl looked just as lost as she felt. Castiel's mood swings were throwing her for a loop but she couldn't blame him. As gently as she could she lifted up his face with her fingers. The pain in his eyes were almost too much but she had to try.

"He'll only care that the fucker who did that to you is dead and he'll only be upset because it wasn't by his own hands. Trust me Castiel, Dean would never hold that against you. It wasn't your fault that it happened in the first place," Lisa said quietly. Castiel nodded his head timidly and suddenly he was clinging to her hands. His eyes almost wild as he pulled her closer.

"My brother...is he still alive?" Castiel begged.

"Gabriel? Yeah the little shit is still alive," she laughed. Castiel's face melted into a bright smile and the most adorable giggle left his mouth.

"Oh thank God," he cried, letting go of her hands so he could slump over on the ground. Meg knelt down next to him and gently rubbed his back.

"Looks like we're taking a trip," she said with an annoyed laugh though her face remained fond and loving towards Castiel.

"The sooner the better," Lisa replied with her own smile.

 


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh, this is coming a lot later than I had expected but here it is! There will be another short chapter quickly following this one.

* * *

  
  


_ Dean was alive. _

 

Castiel rocked himself ever so slowly as the muffled voices of Lisa and Meg surrounded him.  He was lost in his own little world as they discussed their plans of getting him back to Dean.

 

_ Dean missed him. _

 

Fear tried to slice through him, to squash the happiness and relief that bloomed out from his chest the moment he heard those words.

 

_ Dean still loved him. _

 

A strong sense of dread struck at the good feelings within him like some kind of virus making him whine low in his throat.  His fingers dug into the grass as he fought with every inch of his sanity to keep those memories at bay.  It was so hard and there were days where he couldn’t fight against it but today was different.  

 

Dean was out there within his reach and Dean still loved him.

 

A tear slid down his cheek and for the first time since  _ it _ happened, he allowed them to fall.  One turned into three and soon his cheeks were wet along with his shirt and the earth between his hands.  

 

“Hey, hey Cas, c’mon.  You need to drink some water,” Meg’s voice sounded as if it was underwater.  Thank God or whoever was up there that he could truly trust his people.  Otherwise with the state of mind he was in, he’d be a perfect target.  Much like he was a year ago.

 

He blinked furiously and took up the water bottle with a trembling hand.  Something gentle and soft brushed over his cheeks and he blinked a few times to clear his vision.  That woman, Lisa was drying his face with some kind of cloth and he tried to say thank you but his voice cracked.

 

“It’s okay Castiel.  Meg was saying that you and her will be coming back with us while the rest of your group finishes up out here,” Lisa said.  Castiel opened his mouth to argue, that it was his responsibility to see this through.  Then green eyes, freckles and a smile that still sent shivers down his spine flashed in his mind.  

 

A year.  A whole year without Dean or the rest of his family.  Twelve months of not knowing whether his brother was alive or not.  And now he had the chance to see them again.  

 

“O-Okay, if you’re sure-”

 

“Clarence, they got this.  You’ve briefed them a thousand times, they can handle it,” Meg reassured him.  Castiel nodded slowly and with the help of both ladies he rose up to his feet.  He quickly grabbed his backpack as Meg scooped up hers from the ground.  They said their goodbyes and soon they were climbing into one of the jeeps that Lisa’s group brought with them.  

* * *

  
  


Lisa leaned back against the seat as the jeep drove steadily down the road.  It wouldn’t take them long to get back to the camp.  Hopefully Dean’s group would be back by now.  Her group had left several days after them and if she knew Dean and Bobby as well as she thought she did, their group would be finished at least a day ahead of schedule.  

 

Castiel looked much more peaceful than he had before climbing into the jeep.  A small hopeful smile stretched his lips in the corner and his eyes watched the scenery fly by through the window.  She wanted to ask him more questions about Dean but she didn’t want to upset him again.  

 

Next to her Meg nudged her arm, “So, how did you and Dean-o meet?” she asked.  Lisa swallowed hard and glanced back at Castiel who was now staring at her with curious eyes.  The way her and Dean met didn’t worry her, it was the after that did.  She was still trying to figure out a way to even begin explaining their situation so Castiel wouldn’t one, hear from another and two, would understand.

 

“Well…”

 

_ Lisa’s arms were tired, her wailing son clutched tight to her chest as she ran through the city.  Those things were still coming, the herd growing bigger and bigger with each block she passed.  She had to rest somewhere, to get her son to stop crying and for her arms to have a break.  She was terrified that at any moment she’d drop him and then it would be all over for them both.   _

 

_ “Shhh, c’mon Ben,” she cooed, frantically looking around for something, anything.  Finally she found a car with the door already open.  She took off towards it and let out a sob when she saw the keys in the ignition.  The groans were getting loud and she didn’t spare a glance back to see how close they were.  She had to get them out of there.   _

 

_ Lisa climbed into the car and laid Ben out on the passenger side floor.  She didn’t want to take the chance of him rolling off the seat and getting hurt.  The door slamming shut was almost louder than her heart hammering in her chest and for just one sweet second, she breathed.  She couldn’t rest for too long, the herd was on its way and she could see them ambling towards her in the rearview mirror.  _

 

_ “Come oooooone, come on!” she cried, turning the keys in the ignition.  It hesitated for only a second before it finally turned over.  She had no idea where to even go, that had been Erick’s job.  He knew how to read maps, which way was north.  A real boy scout that had sacrificed himself so Lisa and Ben could escape.  It would have been better if she’d been the one to fall, to shove Ben into Erick’s arms and demanding them to run.  Then her son would have a fighting chance.   _

 

_ She drove a few miles out of the city when she pulled over and cut the engine.  The fear and near hysteria finally caught up to her and she cried heavily into her hands.  She had no idea what to do.  How was she going to keep her baby alive when she had no idea how to hunt or even camp for fuck’s sake.  Ben made some cooing noises as she dropped her hands and swallowed the knot in her throat.   _

 

_ “I’ll do my best my sweet boy,” she whispered reaching down to scoop Ben up into her arms.  His little hands curled into her shirt and Lisa reclined the seat back.  _

 

_ She didn’t remember falling asleep but it was her son’s sudden screaming that had her jerking up right.  He was still on her chest with tears rolling down his cheeks as he stared out the window.  It took her sleep addled brain to catch up and see the damn herd had caught up to her.  She let out a scream as the dead ones began to circle around her car.  She had to get out of there.  As gently as she could she lowered Ben back onto the floor and tried to start the car.  The earlier hesitation turned into the car just clicking. _

 

_ “No!  Please, no!” she sobbed, turning the key over and over until she knew deep down that she was flooding the engine.   _

 

_ “What do I do?” She sobbed. _

 

_ “Get down!” _

 

_ There was a voice, muffled but still loud enough to hear over the groaning.  She could barely just make out a truck across from hers and at the first gun shot she was clambering into the back seat to get as flat as she could.  Soon more gunshots rang through the air and she screamed as the windshield shattered along with the back one.  Glass rained down on her and she tried to cover her ears as the loud booms continued. _

 

_ She was curled up in a ball crying when the door was yanked open and a hand was touching her shoulder.  She screamed, swatting at it and trying to get away when a soothing voice was calling out to her. _

 

_ ‘Hey, hey.  You gotta calm down or you’re gonna cut yourself on the glass,” the man said softly.  Lisa took in a deep breath and peeked around the front seat to make sure Ben was okay.  When she realized he wasn’t even there she shoved at the man and got out to see a blonde girl holding him. _

 

_ “Get your hands off my son,” Lisa snarled.  The girl quirked up a brow and laughed a little. _

 

_ “It’s okay, we’re here to help.  Promise, we saw your car get over run with the herd,” the man explained.  She finally looked up at him and felt herself relax.  His green eyes were soft and his smile was kind as he handed her a bottle of water. _

 

_ “Th-thank you...I had no idea what I was going to do,” she said. _

 

_ “It’s okay, we’re just glad we decided to come this way instead of further North,” the blonde girl said gently passing Ben over to her.  She hugged her son close and let out a shuddered breath as a tear rolled down her cheek. _

 

_ “I’m Dean and this is my future sister-in-law Jess.  My brother and a few others are still at the truck keeping an eye out for more.  You’re more than welcome to join us back at our camp,” Dean said.  Lisa bit her lip so hard she could taste copper on her tongue. _

 

_ “Yes...please.  I-I’m Lisa, this is my son Ben,” she said.  Dean gave her another smile and guided her back towards their truck. _

 

“Dean actually taught me a lot after I got over the initial shock of everything.  I’ve never even held a weapon but Dean taught me everything about them.  Now I know if I ever get separated from the group or if anything happens, I can at least protect my son,” Lisa said wiping away a stray tear.  Castiel and Meg were both smiling at her but all of that was quickly erased when Risa’s voice interrupted from the front seat.

 

“And you repay Dean every night for that don’t you Lisa?” Risa said.  

 

“What the hell was that Risa?” Victor snarled.  Lisa knew the color had drained from her face but she felt like she was going to faint at the complete destroyed look on Castiel’s face.  Meg looked downright murderous but Castiel...that look would haunt her.

 

“Wait...what?” Castiel stammered, “You and Dean?”

 

“No, let me explain please Castiel,” Lisa started but Risa’s laugh once again cut through them.

 

“Good luck with that one.”

 

“Risa shut up!  You have no clue what goes on between Dean and me, no one does!” Lisa shouted, her anger searing through her.  Castiel sucked in a breath and Lisa quickly undid her seatbelt so she could move closer to him.

 

“Please listen to me.  Yes Dean saved mine and my son’s life and yes, I did try to repay him with...sex.  But it went no further than kissing-”

 

“Are you serious?  You’re really wanting us to believe that when you all but moved into his cabin?” Risa said snidely.  Victor snapped at her again but Lisa kept her eyes on Castiel.

 

“He couldn’t do it.  At first he wouldn’t tell me why, just that he couldn’t betray someone. It took a few days but he finally told me about you.  How losing you all but destroyed him.  It cost him a bit of his pride but he asked if I could just hold him while he slept.  The nightmares he’d been having were so horrible he was actually refusing to sleep entirely.  It worked to keep the nightmares away so I just moved Ben and myself into his cabin.  Everyone believes us to be together but I swear to you Castiel, Dean and I are just friends,” Lisa explained.  Castiel didn’t look convinced but he did seem just a little less destroyed.

 

“I-I knew Dean would move on eventually but…”

 

“But he hasn’t Castiel!  Don’t you get it?  Dean is still waiting for you, he hasn’t been with anyone since you disappeared,” Lisa said gently taking up Castiel’s hand.  She thought maybe he’d yank it away but she was pleasantly surprised when he gripped at her fingers instead.

 

He nodded a few times, a long shaky breath exhaled before he looked at her with a ghost of a smile, “Thank you for helping him,” he said softly.  Meg reached over and rubbed at his back, his entire body slumping a bit.  Lisa was pretty sure the poor kid was asleep even before his head plopped down on Meg’s shoulder.

* * *

  
  


Castiel’s hands twisted together as the SUV rolled through the camp’s check point.  Fear, anxiety, apprehension rolled through him as he frantically looked around for some familiar face.  What if this was just another ploy?  Lisa had passed all his questions and truly seemed to know about Dean but he was still highly suspicious.

 

“So how is this going to go?  We gonna do this rom-com style?” Meg snorted.  Castiel turned to look at her and couldn’t help laughing.  It would be highly ridiculous and cheesy for him and Dean to run at each other like in the movies.  But Castiel knew deep down that’s exactly what would happen.  The moment he’d see that face Castiel wouldn’t be able to contain himself.

 

“I want Castiel to stay here until I can get him.  I don’t want to risk Dean finding out from someone else,” Lisa grinned.  Castiel blushed and nodded, agreeing with the plan.  They all climbed out and frowned as Risa shot not only Lisa but himself a nasty look.

 

“Don’t mind her, it’s been her intentions to hook Dean into her net from the moment she joined us,” the tall, dark skinned man said.  Castiel was ashamed he couldn’t recall the guy’s name but he’d been so preoccupied with the thoughts of being reconnected with his family again he didn’t feel too horrible about it.

 

“Wow, Dean-o must be some kind of stud,” Meg teased.  

 

“He’s the most beautiful man I’d ever seen,” Castiel said softly.  Meg wiggled her eyebrows at him and he laughed, playfully pushing Meg away just as a small tentative voice called out to him.

 

“Cas?”

 


	22. Chapter 22

Lisa hurried down the path, waving to people calling out to her on her way.  She found out from Becky that Dean’s group had in fact come back early but not for the reasons Lisa had hoped.  For whatever reason Chuck had gone with them, something about making sure they had enough toiletries, and in the process sprained his ankle.  Lisa wanted to slap whoever made that decision.  Chuck was extremely sweet if not neurotic and extremely clumsy.  Ellen had put him and his fiance Becky in charge of all the inventory to keep them safe but productive.  

 

“Hey Lisa!  You guys got back quick,” Sam Winchester called out to her.  She stopped dead in her tracks and bit her lip.  Sam would definitely know where his brother was but he’d want to know why.  Information never came freely where Sam was concerned.

 

“Yeah, kinda ran into some...well trouble I guess,” Lisa said with a wince.  Sam’s usual smile turned into a frown but Lisa cut him off before he could start asking questions.

 

“You know where Dean is?  It’s important,” she said.  Sam quirked a brow at her and crossed his arms over his chest.

 

“What’s goin on Lisa?”

 

“I found someone that he really needs to see, now,” she said a bit more urgently.  Sam’s mouth opened to ask another question when his entire body tensed.

 

“Oh...oh holy shit.  You found him...didn’t you?” Sam hissed.  Lisa barely got a hold of his wrist to yank him back.

 

“Sam wait, Dean needs to see him first!” 

 

“He was my friend too!”

 

“But he isn’t the love of your life now is he?  Imagine if it was Jessica?” Lisa countered.  Sam bit down on his lip and finally nodded, his fingers carding through that thick mop of hair.  There were tears in his eyes and Lisa could see how much he was struggling to keep it all in.  It never hit her until now just how much Castiel had affected the original core of their group.  

 

“Y-You’re right...I’ll uh, I’ll get him.  Shit, I can’t believe it,” Sam laughed wiping at his face a bit roughly.  Lisa beamed up at him as he trotted off to find his brother.

 

* * *

 

Dean winced as Pamela ran an alcohol pad over the cut on his forehead.  Thankfully he hadn’t needed stitches but he might after he pummeled his father to the ground.  Not only did he okay Chuck to come on the trip but also Garth Fitzgerald.  It was almost like his dad was intentionally trying to kill him or something.  

 

“Alright handsome, there you go,” Pamela said tapping her fingers under his chin.  Dean nodded his thanks and heaved himself up from the stool.  Garth had nearly shot his own foot off and then Chuck went stumbling down the damn stairs, taking Dean and Bobby with him.  And of course, Dean broke everyone’s fall.  Chuck sprained his ankle, Bobby was just pissed and Dean’s head had connected with the concrete floor.  Just another thing to be grateful for, he didn’t have a concussion either.

 

“Dean!  Hey!” Sam’s voice called out.  Dean looked up as he pushed open the screen door.  His little brother was tearing ass across the grounds to get to him.  

 

“Whoa, Sammy what’s wrong?” Dean asked holding his hands up in case his brother couldn’t stop in time.

 

“You need to get to the gate, now,” he said breathing heavily and at first Dean’s body tenseed up but he caught the smirk on Sam’s face.

 

“Why?  You guys aren’t playing another prank are you?  I told dad that letting you and Gabriel be friends was a horrible idea-” 

 

“Seriously?  No, shut up and just go!” Sam barked out a laugh and all but shoved Dean forward.  Dean flipped him off but did as his brother wanted.  If this really was prank he was gonna hang Sam from a damn tree by his stupid hair.

 

He was in the middle of plotting revenge on Gabriel when he heard it.  It was quiet but still, the sound of it struck him straight into the heart.  That laugh…

 

Dean surged forward and around the trucks to see a woman he’d never seen before and the back of someone else’s head.  The hair was long, dark and incredibly unruly but it was the laugh and that voice...

 

“He’s the most beautiful man I’d ever seen,” the guy said and Dean sucked in a sharp breath.  It couldn’t be...after all this time.

 

“Cas?” Dean called out nervously, his breathing growing harder with each passing second.  The guy twitched and soon Dean was being met with the brightest blue eyes he’d ever seen hiding behind thick rimmed glasses.  Castiel’s eyes widened and his mouth dropped open as a tear rolled down his eye.  Dean ached to wipe it away, to kiss at those closed eyes and reassure them both that they were still alive.

 

“Dean...oh...oh my God,” Castiel sobbed and Dean couldn’t remember who moved first but the next second he had Castiel in his arms. 

 

The warmth and solid body pressing against him had Dean’s head spinning but he held on tight, his face burying itself into Castiel’s neck.  He still smelled the same, all earth and grass.  It swirled around him and filled that ragged hole in his heart until he was laughing through his own tears.

 

“Cas...I knew you were still out there, I fucking knew you were still alive,” Dean gasped pulling away just enough to cup both sides of Castiel’s face.  It’d been over a year and though it didn’t seem like a terribly long time, in this new world they lived in it may have been twenty.  Castiel looked so much older but there was still that shy reserved boy in there that drove Dean crazy.  

 

“I missed you so much,” Castiel groaned, his head dropping to push against Dean’s chest.  They clung to each other for God knows how long before there was a clearing of a throat.  Dean nearly cursed them out when he realized it was the girl he hadn’t met before.  She gave him a smirk and tilted her head towards something behind him.  When he turned he bit his lip hard and gently placed a kiss on Castiel’s temple.

 

“Cas,” he called softly and smiled when Castiel raised up his head.  God he was still beautiful.  Those eyes haunted his dreams and Dean was beginning to believe he’d never see them in person again.  He gently pushed up Castiel’s glasses and kissed at his closed eyelids first and then the tip of his nose.

 

“I missed you too sweetheart, God you have no idea how much I missed you,” Dean whispered not wanting to let go but there was someone else who desperately needed to see Castiel as well.  Dean pivoted them a little and nudged at Castiel’s cheek with his nose.

 

“Look up baby,” he said and smiled when Castiel did what he asked.  There was a high pitched mewl and Dean let him go easily to watch the brothers crash into each other.  Gabriel was full on sobbing as he pulled Castiel close.

 

“I never….fuck Cassie,” Gabriel managed to get out.  Castiel said nothing, just hugged his older brother even tighter until they fell over onto the grass.  Dean laughed a little but jumped when someone touched his arm.

 

“It’s nice to finally meet the infamous Dean,” the girl said with that ever present smirk.  Dean huffed out a laugh and shrugged his shoulders.

 

“Ain’t nothin that great about me.  Who are you?” Dean asked barely able to keep his eyes off of Castiel moving around the group and hugging each one.  He didn’t even hear the girl’s response when John pushed his way through.  The news of Castiel’s return must have traveled through the camp fast.  

 

“Castiel, we thought-” John started but stopped himself to yank Castiel in what looked like a bone crushing hug.  Dean wanted Castiel back within arm’s reach but he knew he had to share for now.  Later he’d drag Castiel into his cabin and just hold him.  

 

“You in there gorgeous?” the girl laughed making Dean jump again and he smiled sheepishly at her.

 

“Sorry…”

 

“No apologies needed.  Name’s Meg by the way,” she grinned.  Dean nodded at her and finally got his feet to move closer.  He squeezed at Gabriel’s shoulder, his smile one of understanding.  Gabriel looked sick, relieved and torn all wrapped into one.  

 

“He’s alive...this whole time my brother was alive,” Gabriel whispered.  Dean nodded eagerly and finally, finally his arms were filled with Castiel again.  Everyone around them were messes but happy ones and Dean hugged Castiel closer to him.  All the others who weren’t part of the original group knew of Castiel but none could ever understand just how much his disappearance affected them.  

 

“Alright, alright,” John called out, unashamedly wiping at his own eyes, “There are no words to express how grateful we are to have one of our own return after so long but for now, we need to let Dean and Castiel be.  Tonight though, we will be having a feast!” John called out.  Dean laughed while Castiel shouted with the others.  It surprised Dean a little but he had to remind himself, it’s been a year.  The boy in his arms could be just as different now as he was himself.  The thought made him swallow hard but he managed to push through those thoughts.  

 

“Dean, can we be alone?” Castiel asked softly.  Dean nodded quickly and began to pull him towards his cabin when he stopped cold.  Lisa’s stuff was there.  Castiel would see women’s clothing along with baby toys all over the house.  He spun to face Castiel and swallowed hard.

 

“Cas...there’s somethin I gotta tell you first.  I know it’s going to be hard to understand-”

 

“Dean, shhh.  Lisa told me everything, the truth,” Castiel said gently cupping the side of Dean’s face.  Dean couldn’t help pressing into his palm with a sigh.  Lisa had been a God send but there was nothing like craving someone’s touch for so long and it finally being fed.  Castiel’s thumb grazed over his bottom lip causing Dean to suck in a breath.

 

“It’s okay,” Castiel whispered and Dean slowly brought their lips together.  He wasn’t sure who made the noise first but someone made a high keening noise in the back of their throats.  Castiel clung onto him desperately and Dean was not much better.  Dean’s body screamed at him when he pulled away but he managed to grab at Castiel’s hand, pulling him towards the cabin.


	23. Chapter 23

I have to give out my sincerest apologies.  This is the last chapter of this story.  I made a promise that I would always have an ending for my works and this is me keeping that promise.  I’m so sorry that this is abrupt but with everything that is going on with me personally, this is the best that I could do at the moment.

 

I love you all for sticking with me through this.

* * *

  
  


Soft, warm, comfort….all of it clouded Castiel’s brain and all he wanted to do was burrow himself further in it.  He hadn’t felt this safe in so long, to let his guard down completely.  But he was home, he was with Dean.  It had taken a very long moment after he initially woke up to realize it had actually happened.  They finally found each other.  Both of them had changed and were so different from when they were first together but Castiel didn’t care.  He would learn who Dean was now but it wouldn’t change anything.

 

Dean’s arms tightened around him and a cold nose pressed into the back of his neck.  It brought out a soft noise from Castiel’s throat as he pulled Dean against him as much as possible without waking the poor guy up.  Castiel thought the moment they entered the cabin they would talk but instead he was dragged into Dean’s room.  He tried to get the words out, to tell Dean what had happened to him but Dean kissed him, his hands cradling Castiel’s face as if he was the most important thing to Dean.

 

“We’ll talk about everything, I promise but I just want to lay down with you.  I’m still having a hard time believing this isn’t a dream...I-I want to wake up with you still here,” Dean had confessed, his voice breaking on almost every syllable.  It nearly tore Castiel’s heart into a million pieces.  How could he deny him?  

 

From the moment they curled up under the covers till the time he woke up Dean had never let go of him.  They had so much to do, so much to talk about and Castiel’s chest felt incredibly heavy thinking of the moment he’d have to tell Dean he had to go back to Apidae.  It was the right thing to do.  One to make sure Meg got home safely and two, to give his thanks in person to Cain.  

 

After everything the man had done for Castiel it was the least he could do.  But for now, he would rest and familiarize himself back with Dean and the rest of his family.

 

He must have fallen back asleep.  When he blinked his eyes open it was to green ones staring at him.  It had his heart quickening a beat and a deep sigh leaving his chest as Dean touched the side of his face.

 

“Hey,” he whispered.

 

“Hello Dean,” Castiel whispered back.  There was an irrational fear that if he spoke too loudly, he’d wake up from this dream alone back in his room in the main colony house.  Dean must have felt the same.  His fingers gripped at his waist to pull Castiel closer, another sigh expelling out of their chests as they pressed together.

 

“How long have you been awake?” Castiel asked, burrowing his face against Dean’s chest.  

 

Dean’s fingers from his other hand slipping into the back of his hair as he hummed in thought, “Not long.  I loved watching you sleep,” he said, lips brushing against Castiel’s forehead.  

 

Castiel murmured softly, the exhaustion creeping up his spine.  After months of not getting more than three hours of sleep or none at all, his body was now clawing at the chance to catch up.  Dean kissed at his skin as fingers traced along his arms and even brushed up the back of his shirt.  Castiel couldn’t help it.  He stilled and it was enough for Dean to yank his hand back.

 

“I’m s-”

 

“No...don’t.  Please don’t apologize.  It’s...it’s not your fault,” Castiel said quickly.  His voice was muffled but he knew Dean could hear him.  

 

“Cas, I know you wanted to talk last night,” Dean said and Castiel squeezed his eyes shut.  He really didn’t.  To relive all of that through Dean was something he’d much rather not experience.

 

“You don’t have to.  I know something happened and it kills me but if it’s something you’re not ready to talk about then we won’t.  All I care about is that you’re here, you’re alive and back with me,” Dean said.  Castiel swallowed hard and sat up slowly.  He forced himself to look at Dean and knew he was full on crying now as he watched a tear slide down Dean’s cheek.

 

“I was raped,” Castiel gritted out.  The word alone had his stomach lurching and he quickly turned away from Dean to avoid seeing the look on his face.  He’d seen so many different variations since it all happened.  Most of the time it was pity and that one came close to betrayal as being the worst.  

 

It was quiet for a long time.  Almost too long.  Castiel had a sudden fear that Dean had slipped out of the bed to get away from him but there it was.  A soft caress of a hand at his shoulder that made him jump just a little.

 

“Is he dead?” Dean asked through clenched teeth.  Castiel’s head snapped up and was pleasantly surprised at the fury in his boyfriend’s eyes.

 

“Yes.  I slit his throat,” Castiel said.  Something shifted on Dean’s face but before Castiel could even decipher it Dean’s arms were around him, pulling at him until Castiel was sitting on his lap.

 

“Good.  I’m so sorry you had to go through that.  All of it.  But I’m glad you killed that fucker,” Dean whispered vehemently.  Castiel nodded curtly but pulled away enough to look into Dean’s face.

 

“You’re not disappointed?  Or angry?” Castiel asked, his voice on the edge of begging.  

 

Dean shook his head as his hands raised to cup Castiel’s, “No.  Never.  I’m beyond pissed off that he thought he could touch you and that I wasn’t there to keep you safe.  But I could never be disappointed in you Cas, especially for something like that.” Dean brought their lips together in a soft kiss and Castiel mewled softly, his arms wrapping around Dean’s neck to press them even closer together. 

 

“I love you and I always will.  If the day comes that you want that with me then I’ll be here but if not, it won’t change anything.  Never,” Dean said, voice soft and sweet against Castiel’s lips.  

 

“I love you too Dean.  Forever.” 


End file.
